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Thoughts in a church

Midnight mass, oh right! / Lets get our Midnight mass on / Mass-in’ it up ya’ll / Mass-in’ it up in God’s house! / Got the text, party at G…

Message in a bottle

June 19th 1985 / To whom it may concern, I am shipwrecked on a remote island somewhere in the Pacific Ocean. / It is 30 days, as I write th…

Erotica as written by a guy who has an extensive …

(Mature)

Historical tweets

Napoleon Bonaparte @NappyB69 / Of all the islands to be exiled to, why oh why couldn’t it have been Ibiza? #ElbaSucks / Elizabeth 1 of Engl…
That moment you realise you've left the tap water running back at home... by Paul Hickson 'I call to order the meeting of the chimney pots, oh by the way there is to be no smoking while the meeting is in session...' by Paul Hickson

Thoughts while on hold

[Video] / “We are experiencing a heavy volume of calls at this time, please stay on the line while you are connected” / Of course you are /…
Hey, make sure you get my good side! by Paul Hickson Doggy Elections 2014 by Paul Hickson Crouching Photographer, Hidden Mouse by Paul Hickson 'We don't take kindly to photographers around these parts' by Paul Hickson

The Facebook Rant

Hi there, hey, how’s it going? So get this. I have just received my 1’000th invitation to visit a friend’s farm on Farmville; yeah 1,000th,…

Talk to the hand because the face ain’t lis…

It is perhaps the most obnoxious phrase to ever grace the human oral tradition. Many of us have said it at least once in our lives; whether…

Soundtrack to my life

Ya know how kids do that whole lemonade stand outside their house to make a little money? Well I also did it… I was 22.

Animal tweets

Cinnamon @CinnamonTheDog / Hey! other dogs! Every tree from Mr Li’s pet shop 2 the park is my tree! my tree! I marked them with my sc…
"Hey you want a staring contest? I'm super duper awesome at staring contests!" by Paul Hickson Life's a carousel by Paul Hickson Country life by Paul Hickson

A book report by a student who didn’t actua…

“Hey, erm so I decided to do my book report on The Catcher in the rye by J.D Salinger. For anyone who hasn’t read this book alr…

Best man speech

Ok, I think we’ve all reached a sufficient level of drunkenness now, I know I have, so I think it’s time to start the speeches&…

The Rant 3

Hey… er… I just wanted to take this opportunity to erm… to just apologise to the virtual crowd that attended the Wii ping…

Top 10 things to say before a fight

[Video] / 1. You should know I have a gym membership… so… well I mean I filled most of the forms out and everything but I haven…

FAQ’s (Frequently Asked Questions) 2

Q. What’s the current protocol for letting a girl know you like them? / A. Erm I’m pretty certain it’s still the same as …

Thoughts before a proposal

[Video] / Ah Paris / The city of love… / They say in Paris a couple gets engaged every 3 seconds / Now I’m no Mathematician but that’s a lo…

The Granddad Schedule

6:00am – Get out of bed, slowly… very slowly, as those aches, pains and arthritic joints you’ve accumulated over the years make the task of…

Thoughts in a supermarket

God I hate shopping! / Way too much walking involved / If only I had one of those Segways / Then I wouldn’t have to take a single step / Oo…

The Mariachi Band

Please listen to this while you read… / [Video] / I am haunted by five ghosts / Each one as terrifying as the last / They follow me f…

Fathers and Sons

So erm… my Dad and I are currently not on speaking terms. We were watching a game show earlier and I correctly answered a question ab…

Anatomy of a text message

Hey, I just got this text message from my girlfriend, yeah that’s right I have a girlfriend and she’s real! Anywho I just got this text fro…
It's so cold in England, even the dogs wear wooly hats by Paul Hickson Hey I'm a Daisy, I'm 2 weeks old and my interests include Photosynthesis and getting caught in the rain by Paul Hickson Gimme all your money! by Paul Hickson

Dear Guitar

From: Paul Hickson <chersnumberonefan@yahoo.co.uk> / To: acousticguitar123@compuserve.com / Sent: Sunday, 20 May, 2012 22:19:13 / Sub…
Wet Paint by Paul Hickson

The Procrastination Schedule

7:00 am – Wake up to the sound of the alarm clock, which was primed the night before specifically to get up early and begin working on that…

FAQ’s (Frequently Asked Questions)

Q. Why do dogs hate cats so much? / A. Dogs have had a hatred for cats ever since Andrew Lloyd Webber produced the hit musical “Cats&…

The Shawshank Detention

Ya know that feeling when you’re incredibly bored and time just seems to inexplicably stand still? Well that’s pretty much what Mr Shawshan…

Lonely level 53 Wizard seeking female

Hello, I’ve been single for erm lets see… err four… five… carry the one…erm… since birth, and I feel it’s probably time I found a nice girl…
I'm sorry, this is a "horse only" function by Paul Hickson Day turns into night by Paul Hickson

The Superhero CV

Name / Paul Hickson / Current alias / Captain Environment / Previous aliases / • Gender confused boy/girl / • Generic superhero man / • Th…

New Years resolutions

1. Stop making fun of celebrities such as Sylvester Stallone, we have to be nice to them, they have a hard enough time as it is. By the way…

The Rant 2

You will not believe this! I just went to watch a highly informative Youtube video on skateboarding monkeys, and to my surprise the popular…
BFF's by Paul Hickson

Paul Hickson’s “Photography top tips …

Photography top tip number 1 – Always remember to remove the lens cap / Photography top tip number 2 – Any image looks good in …

Thoughts of a man in love

Day 1 / Crowded public transport / On a wet Monday morning in November / What could be worse? / …Well, I suppose trapped in a lift with / J…
Rusty's nose by Paul Hickson 'Is that chicken I smell?' by Paul Hickson Rusty the Lionheart by Paul Hickson The adventures of Rusty the Golden retriever by Paul Hickson Untitled by Paul Hickson The final frontier by Paul Hickson Sailing the blue yonder by Paul Hickson The Sunflower and his disciples by Paul Hickson

Thoughts in an exam

I am so effing tired / God why did I stay up all night watching Sex and the city / Damn you Sarah Jessica Parker and your hilarious mishaps…
A right pigs ear! by Paul Hickson The next big Boyband by Paul Hickson Architectural shapes by Paul Hickson Home Sweet Home by Paul Hickson Wasp by Paul Hickson Over the edge by Paul Hickson

14 Iphone Apps that should exist

1. The Sylvester Stallone translator app – This is a really handy app, as it gives you the ability to decipher exactly what Sylvester Stall…
abstract circles by Paul Hickson Fallen branches by Paul Hickson Coming home by Paul Hickson

The Rant

I just bought Pretty Woman on DVD and to my horror found that the deleted scenes have been omitted from the DVD bonus features!! I am so fi…
Heaven's lamposts by Paul Hickson Field Of Gold by Paul Hickson Delapidation by Paul Hickson Reach the sky by Paul Hickson

CSI: HUMPTY DUMPTY

EXT. CRIME SCENE – NIGHT / Detectives Gruber and Fletcher are at an horrific crime scene involving an egg who has mysteriously died. Police…

How to refrain from swearing

If you’re reading this, then it’s pretty safe to assume you’re a despicable foul-mouthed… person, there you go look, I wanted to swear then…
Blossom by Paul Hickson Lock up by Paul Hickson Old Barn by Paul Hickson The watcher by Paul Hickson The pier in black and white by Paul Hickson Under the Pier by Paul Hickson Daytime Promenade by Paul Hickson Wheels by Paul Hickson
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