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Comedy Writing

10 Dating tips for the lonely Nerd

So, you’ve decided you’re lonely and that it’s time for you to crawl out from that hole you’ve been hiding in and go find a girlfriend? The…

Anatomy of a text message

Hey, I just got this text message from my girlfriend, yeah that’s right I have a girlfriend and she’s real! Anywho I just got this text fro…

The Facebook Rant

Hi there, hey, how’s it going? So get this. I have just received my 1’000th invitation to visit a friend’s farm on Farmville; yeah 1,000th,…

Fathers and Sons

So erm… my Dad and I are currently not on speaking terms. We were watching a game show earlier and I correctly answered a question ab…

Erotica as written by a guy who has an extensive …

(Mature)

The diary of an IKEA castaway

Day 1-3 / When people used to tell me how big IKEA was I never believed them. I would just laugh and assume they were exaggerating, but as …

Online Love Story

Name: Tim Bennet / Age: 31 / Occupation: Travel writer/explorer / Bio: / I guess this is the part where I tell you who I am? It’s a big que…

Thoughts before a proposal

[Video] / Ah Paris / The city of love… / They say in Paris a couple gets engaged every 3 seconds / Now I’m no Mathematician but that’s a lo…

Thoughts of a man in love

Day 1 / Crowded public transport / On a wet Monday morning in November / What could be worse? / …Well, I suppose trapped in a lift with / J…

Thoughts in a church

Midnight mass, oh right! / Lets get our Midnight mass on / Mass-in’ it up ya’ll / Mass-in’ it up in God’s house! / Got the text, party at G…

Thoughts while on hold

[Video] / “We are experiencing a heavy volume of calls at this time, please stay on the line while you are connected” / Of course you are /…

Thoughts of a drunk

I am so… erm… er… / What’s it called when you drink too much alcohol? / There’s like a special word for it! / I think it rhymes with… “Kerp…

Thoughts in a supermarket

God I hate shopping! / Way too much walking involved / If only I had one of those Segways / Then I wouldn’t have to take a single step / Oo…

Thoughts in an exam

I am so effing tired / God why did I stay up all night watching Sex and the city / Damn you Sarah Jessica Parker and your hilarious mishaps…

Thoughts of an aspiring Novelist

Ok brain lets write a masterpiece! / Erm..er..Ok well lets start with “In the beginning..” / All the classics start with that / Did Star wa…

The Rant

I just bought Pretty Woman on DVD and to my horror found that the deleted scenes have been omitted from the DVD bonus features!! I am so fi…

The Rant 2

You will not believe this! I just went to watch a highly informative Youtube video on skateboarding monkeys, and to my surprise the popular…

The Rant 3

Hey… er… I just wanted to take this opportunity to erm… to just apologise to the virtual crowd that attended the Wii ping…

Soundtrack to my life

Ya know how kids do that whole lemonade stand outside their house to make a little money? Well I also did it… I was 22.

The Granddad Schedule

6:00am – Get out of bed, slowly… very slowly, as those aches, pains and arthritic joints you’ve accumulated over the years make the task of…

A book report by a student who didn’t actua…

“Hey, erm so I decided to do my book report on The Catcher in the rye by J.D Salinger. For anyone who hasn’t read this book alr…

Animal tweets

Cinnamon @CinnamonTheDog / Hey! other dogs! Every tree from Mr Li’s pet shop 2 the park is my tree! my tree! I marked them with my sc…

Historical tweets

Napoleon Bonaparte @NappyB69 / Of all the islands to be exiled to, why oh why couldn’t it have been Ibiza? #ElbaSucks / Elizabeth 1 of Engl…

Luciano Bonatelli: The worst artist in history

The renaissance. An era of immense progress and enlightenment, one that saw unprecedented strides in intellectual and artistic pursuits. Da…

The fights of nerds

At some point in our lives we are all forced to face life’s tests, some are tests of courage, tests of adversity or perhaps even tests of p…

The Shawshank Detention

Ya know that feeling when you’re incredibly bored and time just seems to inexplicably stand still? Well that’s pretty much what Mr Shawshan…

14 Iphone Apps that should exist

1. The Sylvester Stallone translator app – This is a really handy app, as it gives you the ability to decipher exactly what Sylvester Stall…

Talk to the hand because the face ain’t lis…

It is perhaps the most obnoxious phrase to ever grace the human oral tradition. Many of us have said it at least once in our lives; whether…

Best man speech

Ok, I think we’ve all reached a sufficient level of drunkenness now, I know I have, so I think it’s time to start the speeches&…

Message in a bottle

June 19th 1985 / To whom it may concern, I am shipwrecked on a remote island somewhere in the Pacific Ocean. / It is 30 days, as I write th…

The wonderful world of Facebook

There is a certain special place / In the world of cyberspace / Where people socialise / And unknown bands publicise / Where you can find o…

A letter to Pedro the spider

Dear Pedro the spider / Ever since you took up residence in our bathroom, you’ve made my life hell! I have to actually cry myself to sleep …

My 25 things to do before I die

1. Learn how to throw like a man / 2. Find the courage to ride the tea cups at Disneyland / 3. Run a marathon… ok, walk a marathon / 4. Wat…

There’s a Jack Nicholson under my bed!

When I was a child, my big brother used to tell me stories of horrible slimy monsters with enormous feet and big googly eyes, not unlike th…

The Superhero CV

Name / Paul Hickson / Current alias / Captain Environment / Previous aliases / • Gender confused boy/girl / • Generic superhero man / • Th…

Top 10 things to say before a fight

[Video] / 1. You should know I have a gym membership… so… well I mean I filled most of the forms out and everything but I haven…

C.V

Curriculum Vitae / Name: Paul Hickson / Date of birth: 04/09/89 / Sex: not as yet, I’m still looking for the right person / Objective: To t…

“Which way to Paris?”

INT. PLANE INTERIOR – ECONOMY CLASS – DAY / It’s a routine flight from New York to Paris. The pilot makes an announcement to the passengers…

Dear Guitar

From: Paul Hickson <chersnumberonefan@yahoo.co.uk> / To: acousticguitar123@compuserve.com / Sent: Sunday, 20 May, 2012 22:19:13 / Sub…

New Years resolutions

1. Stop making fun of celebrities such as Sylvester Stallone, we have to be nice to them, they have a hard enough time as it is. By the way…

Pluto not a planet? what’s up with that?

A normal day in our solar system, but Earth has some super important news for Pluto / Pluto / Hey Earth, I got your text about something im…

How to refrain from swearing

If you’re reading this, then it’s pretty safe to assume you’re a despicable foul-mouthed… person, there you go look, I wanted to swear then…

CSI: HUMPTY DUMPTY

EXT. CRIME SCENE – NIGHT / Detectives Gruber and Fletcher are at an horrific crime scene involving an egg who has mysteriously died. Police…

The OCD Schedule (A day in the life of an OCD suf…

6.30am – Get up at precisely 6:30, do not, I repeat, do not get up on an odd number!!! / 6.31am – Struggle to do 10 sit ups and 10 push ups…

Sod’s Law

Thank you sod’s law / For every time my toast falls jam side down on the floor / For every time tickets are sold out for the Hannah Montana…

The Mariachi Band

Please listen to this while you read… / [Video] / I am haunted by five ghosts / Each one as terrifying as the last / They follow me f…

The weird kid

Do you remember that weird kid when you were at school? / Who used to sit at the back and eat paper and chalk / And didn’t conform with the…
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