The Curse of Doctor Fangelstein

Not wishing for company upon this sad night, Matthew sought the seclusion of a single table in the quietest recess of the room. Some would accuse him of lurking in the darkness while selecting his next victim. Sadly, there would be no promise of such pleasures, not upon this or any other night.

Matthew held up his glass of Bloody Mary to capture the dim light that penetrated into his corner of the room. Everyone knew it was the only type of drink Matthew ever ordered. Few amongst his friends were privy to the reason why.

They say you never forget your first encounter. She was a sweet nubile being who offered him everything Matthew could wish to experience. Her name was Mary and Mary was special because bloody Mary was numero uno.

The pity of it all was that, come tomorrow, he should consider ordering a different drink. One thing for sure, there would be no more Bloody Marys.

Maybe a White Russian would do the trick … vodka, coffee liqueur or tia maria … no, no, no definitely not maria, that was yet another name for Mary.

Tell the barman to mix vodka, kahlua and cream with a splosh of virgin ice. Perfection guaranteed.

Spying a friend entering the room Matthew, attempting to obtain greater invisibility, slunk even further into the background, a manoeuvre that achieved the opposite result when the friend, believing the table to be empty, soon arrived, drink in hand, to claim a seat.

‘Why, Matthew, I did not see you my friend and now, even in this poor light, I suspect you are not exactly glowing with happiness. I would have hoped to seek your advice upon a personal matter, but now it seems it is I who must ask … what troubles you?’

‘Well you may ask, my friend. Sadly I have lost all desire to pontificate upon this or any other night. What’s been lost, you may ask. And indeed what has been lost is the cause of my terrible dilemma. My friend, my true and dear friend, I am suffering the curse of Doctor Fangelstein.’

‘Oi, yoi, yoi, not doctor Ishmael Fangelstein, the orthodontist.’

‘One and the same, my friend.’

‘Is there nothing that can be done?’

‘If only such was possible, but you are looking at a poor wretch that has been cursed, and doctor Fangelstein shows scant sympathy for my predicament.

‘Fangelstein is in fact the human instrument behind my loss. For years I have considered him to be my friend, but now, when I need him most, he just curses and blames the solution upon my ill-gotten youth.

‘Apparently I have led a sucking good life with a combination of poor dental hygiene and excessive saccharine saturated haemoglobin. Now, thanks to doctor Ishmael Fangelstein, I must be the world’s first toothless vampire.’

‘I ask again my friend, is there nothing I can do for you?’

‘Yes, seeing as you insist, return to the bar and buy me another Bloody Mary.’

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Tags:

bloody, doctor, fangelstein, fangs, kahlua, mary, matthew and vodka