The Curse of Doctor Fangelstein

Not wishing for company upon this sad night, Matthew sought the seclusion of a single table in the quietest recess of the room. Some would accuse him of lurking in the darkness while selecting his next victim. Sadly, there would be no promise of such pleasures, not upon this or any other night.

Matthew held up his glass of Bloody Mary to capture the dim light that penetrated into his corner of the room. Everyone knew it was the only type of drink Matthew ever ordered. Few amongst his friends were privy to the reason why.

They say you never forget your first encounter. She was a sweet nubile being who offered him everything Matthew could wish to experience. Her name was Mary and Mary was special because bloody Mary was numero uno.

The pity of it all was that, come tomorrow, he should consider ordering a different drink. One thing for sure, there would be no more Bloody Marys.

Maybe a White Russian would do the trick … vodka, coffee liqueur or tia maria … no, no, no definitely not maria, that was yet another name for Mary.

Tell the barman to mix vodka, kahlua and cream with a splosh of virgin ice. Perfection guaranteed.

Spying a friend entering the room Matthew, attempting to obtain greater invisibility, slunk even further into the background, a manoeuvre that achieved the opposite result when the friend, believing the table to be empty, soon arrived, drink in hand, to claim a seat.

‘Why, Matthew, I did not see you my friend and now, even in this poor light, I suspect you are not exactly glowing with happiness. I would have hoped to seek your advice upon a personal matter, but now it seems it is I who must ask … what troubles you?’

‘Well you may ask, my friend. Sadly I have lost all desire to pontificate upon this or any other night. What’s been lost, you may ask. And indeed what has been lost is the cause of my terrible dilemma. My friend, my true and dear friend, I am suffering the curse of Doctor Fangelstein.’

‘Oi, yoi, yoi, not doctor Ishmael Fangelstein, the orthodontist.’

‘One and the same, my friend.’

‘Is there nothing that can be done?’

’If only such was possible, but you are looking at a poor wretch that has been cursed, and doctor Fangelstein shows scant sympathy for my predicament.

’Fangelstein is in fact the human instrument behind my loss. For years I have considered him to be my friend, but now, when I need him most, he just curses and blames the solution upon my ill-gotten youth.

‘Apparently I have led a sucking good life with a combination of poor dental hygiene and excessive saccharine saturated haemoglobin. Now, thanks to doctor Ishmael Fangelstein, I must be the world’s first toothless vampire.’

‘I ask again my friend, is there nothing I can do for you?’

‘Yes, seeing as you insist, return to the bar and buy me another Bloody Mary.’

The Curse of Doctor Fangelstein by 

Matthew, poor sad Matthew has been forced to become a victim of the curse of the evil Doctor Fangelstein. He now drowns his sorrow in Bloody Marys, come tomorrow he will find solace with the White Russians, but what the hell, C’est La Vive and fangs for the memories.

This is an entry for "Blood Red-All things vampiric…’What’s been lost’ comp


  • © Karin  Taylor
    © Karin Taylorover 6 years ago

    aw, da poor fing :(
    another great read iAN!!!
    i hope this gets featured, it’s sooooo good!!!!!!

  • Can I put my teeth back in now Karin ????

    – iAN Derrick

  • © Karin  Taylor
    © Karin Taylorover 6 years ago

    i only feel sorry for vampires with no teeth, NO TEETH ….. LOL

  • Matthew Dalton
    Matthew Daltonover 6 years ago

    Oi, yoi, yoi! Someone has borrowed my only slightly sullied name for their writing comp!

    I’m sure it’s a coincidence.

    I was surprised to see that you belonged to this group, but now I read your tale of woe I see you have a lot to offer the genre.

    As always, a good read and a laugh iAN.

    I’m saving the latest Ockeroo tales for after Perth packing.

  • shocking news…going to WA is like waking off to visit a strange new country..Hell Matthew they do not even talk real Aussie over there…But you will be back…Maybe they will not give you a visa…lol. Have a safe journey.and enjoy your Bloody Marys to celebrate…eh!

    – iAN Derrick

  • Marion  Cullen
    Marion Cullenover 6 years ago

    Dr Fangelstein – should have seen that one coming! LOL
    Great read iAN.

  • Thank you Lumineux..and Dr, Fangelstein thanks you as well,lol.

    – iAN Derrick

  • Matt Mawson
    Matt Mawsonover 6 years ago

    clever and funny … good work, iAN … will the follow-up story be a denture adventure?

  • That is a false rumour you are spreading Mr. Matttt..says he with a toothless grin.

    – iAN Derrick

  • MillicentMorrow
    MillicentMorrowover 6 years ago

    Excellent Ian. Excellent read once again. Very funny, a toothless vampire!

  • But he can still drink White Russians Millicent and suck soup through a straw.

    – iAN Derrick

  • Jeannette Sheehy
    Jeannette Sheehyover 6 years ago

    if he’s toothless shouldn’t he be drinking White Rutthians and thucking thoup from a thtraw?…lol. Excellent story m’sieur, as always!!

  • Ah I notice I have been clobbered…sob sob I cannot claim any fly-bys when i am next at the supermarket…and I am sure there was the word fly in that tale somewhere..What about the bar flies don’t they count ?

    – iAN Derrick

  • Jeannette Sheehy
    Jeannette Sheehyover 6 years ago

    grrr…you make it so hard for me Mr. Derrick…but the group specifically states it’s for hot air balloons, kites, hangliders, parasailing and kiteboarding…does it say vampires or bats or any other kind of bug? (Calvin and Hobbes). Non m’sieur! I am sorry that you are in a puddle of your own tears…but reed the rools…I am waiting for a Clappers Clarke Parachute Regiment story to be posted…lol!

  • Do not become too smug you pair.,..someone nameless is in for the toothless chomp very soon…and this warning is not a load of hot air.

    – iAN Derrick

  • Mark Bateman
    Mark Batemanover 6 years ago

    Looks to me as if iAN has bitten off more than he can chew with this excellent story..

  • as above squire….Do not become too smug you pair.,..someone nameless is in for the toothless chomp very soon…and this warning is not a load of hot air.

    – iAN Derrick

  • Jeannette Sheehy
    Jeannette Sheehyover 6 years ago

    ooohh…I’m frightened….::shiver::…..Am I expecting a toothless vampire up in the wilds of Northville this weekend?…at least a toothless vampire can’t bite a hole in a hot air balloon…

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