acrylic on stretched canvas
Time is going by so fast it all seems like a dream…wow…how much is actually left? Everyone tries to save money for the future but how many actually realize the future will be gone in what seems like just another dream. Wow…how much time has been taken for granted..misused..wasted..unused..and it is so precious…truly precious, every single second of it….
How the painting began ….
I wake up….’bout 4am………feelings so overwhelming, tossin, turnin, visions that don’t go away……..trying to sort the feelings, almost impossible…some so different from the next…..so i list them in my mind, then i write em down, while listening to music……..Lonnie Liston Smith as a matter of fact….from the Expand ur mind album…………
angry, very ANGRY
sad, very sad
damn my hair’s a mess!
and the fuckin clock!
sirens outside my window
i close the windows so not to smell the garbage and hear the damned rats scurrying around and fighting w/the street cats for scraps of food
sounds of the homeless rumbling thru the trash to find cans and bottles to redeem a few cents so they can get something to eat or maybe more like…somethin to drink
overwhelmed by a sense of helplessness
radios playing from my neighbors windows
drunks layin in their piss from their “friday-night” outings, sleepin on the concrete floors of this jungle made of
brick and stone and tar and pure bullshit
my music plays….some relief felt…tears fall..a cup of coffee, my 10th cigarette, maybe more like my 13th….who knows…who cares….whose counting…besides that damned clock, tick,fucking tock….subconciously settin up my canvas, paints, brushes, I put the music up a little higher as if it will block out reality
feelin sooooooooo damned tired…..almost lethargic, yet unable to relax as though i have been drugged w/some type of amphetamine….where do i live? whats my address? do I have one? now what? fucking america…land of the “free” hahahahahaha….what a joke! perhaps the land of the rich w/the freedom to control everyone elses lives….
ahhhh…fuck…..let me paint…….so here i go…..
Helene Ruiz 8/2009