I have never been able to accept or believe when others compliment me with words like “beautiful, or “pretty” etc etc etc. Those words are nice. They are for soft people that are well rounded, people that are gentle and such. I am not beautiful. At any given moment i can look into a mirror and see a multitude of things in the reflection that stares back at me. None of them are pretty. They are disturbing, violent, angry confused, disgusted, addicted, inflicted, sadistic, masochistic, helpless, wild, unrefined images of a person i have lived my entire life with but still know nothing about. I can accept hot as a compliment. This is a word i can associate with and understand on many levels. I have scorched many as they tried desperatly to show me what they belived to be true. Burnt thier egos as i am never satisfied with anything. I am toxic in large doses, to much of me is inadvisable. I am positive that i am detremental to ones health, as I have been told numerous times that i drive others mental. I never give up on my vision, relentless and hellbent on proving to everyone and anyone that i am not this beautiful person they think i am. My flesh conceals. It puts on an attractive facade, inviting others to play at thier own risk.
there is more but i am exhausted g’nite
JenniferB, 6 months ago
have you ever heard of this chick? she’s been blogging for years, a brilliantly, talented writer and model who’s been battling anorexia in all the years I’ve known of her, if you get a chance to chill some time, crawl back through her archives and take a look in there.
suzee, 6 months ago
How is one to see the beauty within ones self? It seems much easier to see the beauty within others. Beauty, that quite often turns very ugly, indeed. If we could only give to ourselves what we so freely, without constrain, give to others.
liciouspoet, 6 months ago
I look into the mirror many times to TRY and see the beauty within me, but the only thing beautiful from me is my words that i can write down on paper. Many of my friends, say, “Damn girl eat that cheeseburger, you won’t gain a pound” or “why do you put on any make up, you don’t need it…or “look at you” ..............when my friends say it i don’t believe it. I can’t because i feel ugly all around. Even my boyfriend can’t make me feel beautiful. There was one person, but he didn’t want to be with me, because of age difference. But the point is that NONE of us see our own beauty, but there are others that have the opportunty to, and many of them say it. You got to believe it, don’t be cocky, but somehow you got to realize that it is there. And you are beautiful, so don’t second guess the TRUTH OF YOUR BEAUTY….you have it…..you do. Listen to JenniferB….she has the right words for you. ALL THE TRUTH YOU NEED RIGHT THERE!
JenniferB, 6 months ago
Listen to JenniferB….she has the right words for you. ALL THE TRUTH YOU NEED RIGHT THERE!
oh god… I feel like I’ve established some kind of cult or something… no offence liciouspoet, but I’m only an ex-addict, ex-ho, ex-teacher, mother and soon to be ex-wife… Lol, lots of triple X’s there for ya! :-)
Far from holy…
xox
Butterflies An... in reply to JenniferB’s comment, 6 months ago
i don’t listen all that well or very often to advice ppl give me UNLESS i have had a sip of th same brew as the person giving me the advice..or unless it some real profound shit…(actually not even then…lmao) i’m a real dunno til i try it type chick…sux, but it is what it is….
Butterflies An..., 6 months ago
this is why i can take some advice from good ol J.B. but will i apply it? who frickin knows…right? what i can do is relate on sum level not entirely, but enough to connect a lil ya know what i’m sayin? you know that kinda jailhouse relationship…where it’s like “yeah and this one time….man that shit sucked”.... and you know the person will get what your sayin…and have a little appreciation for it.
JenniferB, 6 months ago
......................................
ah fuck it, forget it.
sokay
goodnight.
and guess what
I CAN TALK LOUDER THAN YOU CAN!
hahahahaha
My brew is well and truly fucking fermented hun… your brew has only recently been put back on ice. ;-)
want it chilled?
Butterflies An... in reply to JenniferB’s comment, 6 months ago
nooooo iiiiiiiiiice…runs away (let’s make it so i run away)
fermented? i thought it was spermented?
JenniferB, 6 months ago
haha… like I said, a huge bowl of shit packing a big punch! I’ll get the ladle, you toss in the chunks. :-P