I couldn’t keep my head up if I had wanted to
It used to be light
There was orange outside and pink in the sky
Don’t ask me how it gets there
Reflections and atmospheric lenses and pink ribbon Sundays and all of that jazz during spring
And that tree swayed and I laid and distracted by powerful chord progressions I tried to feel
I tried to feel this deep dark sadness, just to cry, just to release.
Kind of like a barfing drunkard.
Well, whatever
I laid here and just watched
I consciously tried to conjure up memories but all I can think of were 8th grade embarrassments and permanent wooden displays of pre-evolved art form.
Then during those moments I forgot that tree.
You know the big one in front with arms and legs and stretchings. It’s gotten smaller over the years.
Anyway, I laid here.
And I caught things with my eyes flying around outside, because I had opened my windows.
They were black and fast and lonely.
Then I got the urge to do something crazy.
I just, flipped my head under my back and lifted myself with my hands, into one of those watchmacalits of summer and bathing suits and inflated tubes and homemade tents. I felt the blood draining because I started tasting thickness, and my eyelids felt like anvils.
I stretched further and further, wondering how far my head could go beneath me and below me until I went too far and finally broke something or collapsed from too much of whatever it was.
My hair was long and shiny but I had never seen it from that angle before and so it didn’t really look like my hair, and it kind of spooked me out so I flipped back upright.
Then I realized everything was dark. And I mustve been upside down for too long because I was dizzy and near unconscious. But the tree reappeared and the street light came on and mom took the orange out of the sky and gave me mangos and I have you up in that sky up there. All and freckles, most importantly. Smiling and yelling and throwing and giggling and remarking and touching and squinting and nodding and all I see is you.