The Death of Her Pas De Deux
having a relationship with someone with mental illness can be very taxing. This is just a vent on being the one trying to interact with the one suffering from depression and/or bi-polar disorder.
It is so hard trying to balance the want to be with someone who is not there much of them time…wanting to love them, wanting them there...and the plain, hard fact that they cannot be alot of the time due to their illness – medication or not.
The Death of Her Pas De Deux belongs to the following groups:
! Creative Writing & Poetry !, "Poetry and Beautiful Women" , ***♂♥♥QUORN♥♥♀, All Out Emotion, All Things Poetic, Artistic, Philosophical, Core [C.O.R.E], Creative, Talented, and Unknown, Everyday Life, Inspired By Life, Masterpieces: Literary Workshop, The Art of Pain, THE SISTERHOOD, Up & Coming Writers, Vibration in Art and Verse - VAVoom! and WMGI never should have handed you
my pretty pink ballet slippers.
They had hung off the edge of my bed
for as long as I can remember,
And then I met you.
You stroked their soft silk;
traced their sole curves –
set them dancing
to the tune
of your overture
‘til they arabesque’d,
mid-hang,
by their tethered
pink chains,
pausing only to writhe
in the ecstasy
of dance.
You told me, “They need to breathe.”
And we danced.
We circled and swayed
as the rhythm
of one heart
and we lived
in the red wind
as all lovers do,
until the pink turned to ash
by the weight
of the world:
that was the day
the red wind died.
“I am so tired…” You said.
You took out your army green box,
battle-scarred and dented,
holding hearts past
their breaking point –
and then,
thud.
I watched as you tossed them in;
locked them up,
swallowing the key afterwards,
then slipped
your old box back beneath
your prison,
of: BED.
I even remember
the sound the box made,
as it grated
and fought
against it’s retreat;
my slippers
set to dream
in the darkness
of their
new stage.
“Turn the light off.” You asked.
You smiled behind sheets
as you sighed
into another
lost day.
I smiled back like a woman
on the brink of her own
hopeless
extinction –
like a girl saying goodbye
for the last time…
And as I sit here now,
counting shadows
to the beat
of a barefoot dancer,
I jam my fists into my eyes
(my sockets know the drill;
expanding to meet their
10 digit, ce la vie
mortar and pistil lovers)
and mourn
the lost notes
of a dream.
I strip down to silence;
crawling in beside
your naked shadow;
your quiet breathing
masking
the hollow screams
pounding metal
on wood
of pink leather blocks
from out
beneath
your upside-down stage
of bed –
the twisting
of faded
imprisoned
red
ghosts
dancing their mad
ballet.
© Kristin Reynolds 11 3 09
cosimopiro
Shit Kristin! This is powerful write. I have seen this myself in many of my friends but never lived with it. I have seen partners come to me in tears and frustration and anger. Your description is so insightful and painful. XO
Kristin Reynolds replied
It is a hard one, that’s for sure…for all involved in totally different ways.
the guilt, too, of feeling selfish (at least i have guilt about it) when they are the ones with the disease…why should I complain, right?
it’s hard.
thank you so much. xo
Skypilot
And the cycle reapeats… you’re very strong though….
exellent work….very sad…yet beautiful xxx
Kristin Reynolds replied
yes, that i am. :)
thank you, for helping in that regard, by the way. ;)
thank you for everything. xo
lianne
I had an exceptionally hard time just getting beyond your description here, Kristin. I so completely know this complex set of emotions that comes of loving someone with bipolar disorder and being unable really to help and hurting so deeply because you love so much and because of the disorder that person is unable to love you back or meet any of your needs for fidelity, real companionship, intimacy. Loving the other just devours you, sucks you dry, and leaves you feeling helpless, hopeless and often unloved. This is a haunting poem for me – beautifully crafted with this wonderful metaphor running through it. But it hurts…xox
Kristin Reynolds replied
I’m so sorry, lovely Lianne. know i am sending you giant soft hugs right now…xo
I understand comletely. it is no-one’s fault, there is no-one to blame, it simply is and that just may be the most helpless feeling of them all.
it is a haunting disease, for all. thank you, Lianne. always, xo
Goldenspirit
Lovely. I so enjoyed the thrill of this. Such a use of words. :)
Kristin Reynolds replied
Thank you so much. :)
Trenchtownrock
This one hits hard my friend..I can feel your tears mixing in with the words..the pain and lost is so evident with each word..you are such a good writer but I love when you write like this because you really go deep and let yourself go beyond….just sorrow, regret, time lost that can never be gotten back…the beautiful thing about your journey, poet, is that you are still on the journey and life and its surprises awaits…one love.
Kristin Reynolds replied
you felt those, eh? yeah. hard to hide, I spose. :)
I am coming to understand that the deepest digging is where we are found within each-other…i can write a technically good piece, but will it be well recieved by many? nope. it is the emotional digging that connects us.
I love this comment, my old (in a good way) friend. :)
indeed, indeed.
you know it: two heart pumps and a peace out, baby. xo
lupa
Am in awe of you,Beautiful One…xoxoxox
Kristin Reynolds replied
awww, you are the bestest girly. thank you fellow beauty xoxoxo
ArcadiaTempest
OMG ….this is stunning work Kristin….you have immersed us deeply into the nuances of this relationship that was like a Salvador Dali painting me thinks…. this is really something special this verse….You have created such living breath into this..XXX
Kristin Reynolds replied
Thank you, miss KarenSue. :)
i’m very glad I could connect with you here, i love that. xoxo
me thinks you rule. :)
Rhenastarr
So touchingly beautiful.
Kristin Reynolds replied
Thanks, Rhena. :)
JRGarland
That’s why I’ll never marry again. It’s too hard on my partner. Excellent write.
Kristin Reynolds replied
Aww, JR. big cozy hugs to you, my friend. xoxo
it’s so hard, this living and loving…and so easy to do both.
Gregory John O...
Good strong piece !! I can relate from the other side of the coin … my experience is that any of the psych medications sedate and leave you with no joy, or sorrow, and all is just a middle of the road experience that is emotionless …..
Kristin Reynolds replied
I was actually just talking about this with someone…
thank you so much. xoxo
bluewhite
Like JR, I too have no interest in marriage. Too hard on partner and on me. I am fortunate to be content alone. I am happiest alone.
Kristin Reynolds replied
marraige is a tough cookie to be sure.
thank you, for everything, lovely lady. xo
Christie Moses
Oh K….this one is such sweet sad sorrow….It breaks my heart….
You have this enchanting way of opening up your very soul and pouring it on our hearts. This….its just beautiful, sad or not
Love you lady xxx
Kristin Reynolds replied
Do I? I’m so glad you feel that way…much of the time I feel disconnected, it really is best when I write and not try to stumble out verbiage from my mouth. :)
love to so much, Christie. :) xoxox
erika15
You know my admiration for you just keeps growing dear K….this poem is just- I can’t even find the word. But you took us there, the pain, the sadness, the whole journey. It dragged us down to your emotions. I agree with Christie: you have a way with exposing your very soul and pouring it into us….I’m in awe of you, you wonder of a woman. xxxxx
Kristin Reynolds replied
really?wow, Erika. :) you always always leave me smiling, girly, thank you from the bottom of my heart. xoxo
love this comment. xoxox mwah!
RuthFroehlinger
A wonderful write Kristin! It is so full of feeling and with your talent, it is a magnificent piece of prose.
Kristin Reynolds replied
Hey, ruth! thank you so much.
I have no words for this, except thank you!!! xo
Shoaib .
“I strip down to silence
crawl in beside
your naked shadow;
your quiet breathing “
ummm thats just one part of my favorite parts
love this, what an emotional journey kdizz
thanks for sharing this
Kristin Reynolds replied
yes indeedy! no-one said this whole life/living business was easy. nope, it’s all just trying to figure evrything out.
I love to share, anytime my friend. xoxoxo
autumnwind
This has me in tears Kristin. Every word seems to open a bad wound that never quite heals. Reminds me of recurring dreams that are somehow now remain a part of me. Please tell me this is only a moment, and that tomorrow you will be wearing your pretty pink ballet slippers. love you. xoxoxo
Kristin Reynolds replied
Awww, Shar, my sweet sweet beautiful friend. xoxoxoxox
I will tell you these are moments…how do we measure them? they can feel like they last lifetimes, and then…poof! happiness once more. :)
i will tell you this…but keep it a secret, kay? i have made myself a key and when it is time for me to dance…i take them out and dance…alone if need be..but rest assured, I will always, most certainly dance
xoxoxo
love you, Shar.
autumnwind
oh those darn typos. sorry, and totally forgot to mention how outrageous your poetry is, always, always and forever. xoxoxo
Kristin Reynolds replied
thanks, hun. xox always and forever, back.
Jeff Burns
Wow very moving
Kristin Reynolds replied
thank you so much, Jeff. :)
erich biemer
even in sadness the verse is strong and giving…..
Kristin Reynolds replied
Thank you, Erich…many times that is where the beauty bubbles up from, isn’t it?
xo
Mark Ramstead
You are not alone in feeling like this. I often wonder if there is such a thing as an optimum relationship where both get what they want and need… instead reality dictates rationing of the love we all want. I want to ask you something very personal. You obviously have a huge and generous heart within your beautiful being. Do you feel that your love has been wasted on him? Do you feel love can be wasted at all?
Kristin Reynolds replied
I wonder the same, but highly doubt it.
relationships are work. period. however that work comes…it is work at times.
Thank you for saying so, about my heart. :)
I think no love is wasted. not ever.
nothing is wasted if we grow and learn from our experiences. these lovely, giving comments are proof of that. xoxo
raymondoantonio
IN ANCIENT CULTURES, MENTAL ILLNESS OR ALTERED STATES OF PERCEPTION WERE CONSIDERED GIFTS OF GOD…TO BE ” TOUCHED ” BY THE DIVINE….BUT THE REALITY IS SO DIFFERENT TODAY…..A WONDERFUL, PAINFUL, COMPASSIONATE PIECE KRISTIN!! YOU MANAGE TO BEAR YOUR SOUL AND STILL REMAIN STRONG DESPITE THE PAIN AND HARDSHIP YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH!! I SALUTE YOU!! XOXO
Kristin Reynolds replied
yes, you say true. sadly, society today dictates a certain formula of being the whole, LETS CRAM EVERYONE INTO A METAL BOX AND MAKE THEM FIT! mentality. it fing sucks. I have 2 children with special needs (one has add and social issues, and one had severe adhd and has been diagnoses bi-polar) and let me tell you, they shine more brightly than the stars themselves! they are so advanced in other ways, universally etc…they are visionarys and brilliant old souls…they simply do not fit in any box..i wouldn’t want them too. :) xoxo
thanks, love.
Teacup
as ever the images that you have painted with your words is incredible… to have given a huge part of yourself, to have had it met with the same desire and love, then for it to be bound and held captive, leaving you in a limbo of sadness… mental illness from both sides is emotionally and mentally draining. This is an outstanding piece Kirstin. x
Kristin Reynolds replied
thanks, teacup. :) yes it can be very draining indeed. no doubt about it. all one can hope for is that love is held onto at the end of the day, somehow, from somewhere to get one through to the next.
xoxo
bill bell
Love the poem K-Bird but I feel for you having to be the tough one all the time, must get tiring. Here’s to better days for you dear :)
Kristin Reynolds replied
Thank you, B-Monk. :)
I will not lie and say it isn’t a ball-breaker, because it is. but how else to learn, grow, see? how else to build will?
how else to truly love but through the giving of self.
this was just a vent. I need that at times to get through my emotions to the place of will.
thank you, always sweet sweet man, for seeing me. xo
hsien-ku
my dearest essence-friend, what can be done when the knight in shining armour is also the fearsome dragon? their internal war made external, or medication to make one invisible… i know this dance, i have danced it too – i still dance it, so all my counsel would be hypocritical. i want to shout ‘run! – you have only a certain energy available to you. use it for something useful ’ but my heart knows that love never paints in black and white (vixen that she is). and you are stronger than most. so i shall only say this – your poem is strong and beautiful. more strength to your arm. x
Kristin Reynolds replied
Well, my dancing friend, you know…somehow I knew you would.
Thank you for simply that. Essence-friend, indeed. All I could say you already know, whisperings to the self, heard. :)
I thank you so much, for that strength to my arm…I hope you know how much that means to me.
xo
jim marshal
I spent a couple of minutes reading the poem and description and find I have been over 10 mins at this page reading the comments and replies. This really stopped me and is such a multi-faceted issue, mental illness (diagnosed) or not, all relationships do require us to “pay” in some way. It is the quintessential labour of love, with a million differing scenarios.
So like the others I salute you, for knowing of Perfection so deeply in your heart and being willing to live in this Imperfect world, feeling the friction and tension of what is not right yet is not wrong. I do agree also that love is never wasted, though I can see why Mark asked the question.
Where’s that damn textbook given when we are born that shows us the exact recipe for every situation? I do believe we write our own.
Kristin Reynolds replied
hi Jim. :)
Yes, it seems many can relate to this in one way or another. so many scenarios, so little time.
feeling the friction of what is not right and not wrong is where, it seems, I was born to live. Feeling both sides at once, living in-between. a ghost, invisible, but essential to life.
the great paradox of living.
oh, and Jim? if you ever find that textbook (it may just be out there somewhere, in some ancient bookstore, buried beneath heaps of dog-eared self-help books, gone unnoticed this whole time) or, if you write it yourself, please, let me know…I sure would like to read it.
xoxoxo
Charma Chircop
I can ‘feel ‘this poem,it made me shed a tear..i can remember well my dad sufferring from depression,the same verses excactly remembered,from a butterfly whose always workin,smiling ,loving life,to a man who just wanna be locked inside,not even wanting to be touched by the rays of sun..i remember the hard moments when he thought we dont love him,that the world is all against him,,it was a tough time.yet after long years tough time spassed too and thanks God,today he is cured and we are a happy family again,yes depression is hard on the victim and even those in the surroundings,a cruel illness sometimes not recognized,Yet these problems build a character of strength,and i always believe,the Rainbows will reach you and your love one again..so beautiful and going to my favs,..cHARMA
Kristin Reynolds replied
Thank you, sweet Charma.
It is terrible to see those around you suffering, and not being able to help in any way…than feeling guilty for wanting more of them. :(
I’m so glad he is well now, that is the best news. xox
Ushna Sardar
Kristin Reynolds replied
thank you thank you thank you Ushna! I am honored. xo
ArcadiaTempest
Congrats…XX
Kristin Reynolds replied
thanks, lady K!
megan Sloan
your writing is beautiful!
I am in grade 9 academic English. I hope that i learn to write like you!!!!
Kristin Reynolds replied
Hey there, Megan! Thank you so very much. :)
Really? you take beautiful photos. I took photography too back in the day. lol for 3 years in H.S. I loved it.
keep it up. I love your avatar pic!
Kristin Reynolds replied
P.S-no no no. you will learn to write like yourself; find your own beat. :) you are the only you there is! and if it’s what you love to do DO IT. keep writing and following your dreams. never give up! x
megan Sloan
thank you very very much!!!
I’m going to put up some new pictures soon!
give any critique!
jalcruz 21 days ago
wow … im speechless and that says a lot…words flow so awesome and perfect! well done…love it…kinda reminded me of my life… you really draw a perfect image that brings your reader in…thanks!
Kristin Reynolds replied 21 days ago
:) thank you so much.
nickowen 12 days ago
so rare to read good writing on line
beautiful sad song
Kristin Reynolds replied 12 days ago
Wow, thank you so much. :) There is alot of brilliant writing here; i am so happy you liked this one. :)
erika15 12 days ago
Congratulations!
you’re featured in The Art of Pain x
Kristin Reynolds replied 12 days ago
woohoo!!! (should i be woohoo’ing a feature in the art of pain?) lol screw it. pain is and writing helps. :)
thank you, baby!!! xo an honor. i bow…
andibol1010 6 days ago
I have bipolar, and was diagnosed before my current boyfriend and I started dating. Let me tell you now- there is nothing selfish about having a hard time with them coping with it. You’re coping too. I constantly bring shit down on my boyfriend, and it takes a very strong person to be around that, good times and bad. This poem is so sad, and it really makes me want to try harder to never put him through that. It’s a beautiful write- best of luck.