My Soul, is Freedom’s Journey
Ah. How to describe this? This is, quite simply, my past – or, the majority of it’s heaviness.
So much. So many details. In short: my beautiful mother died at the age of 26, at the hands of a monster (AKA: the black-maker); tortured us beforehand for 2+ years on a daily basis (he was a dirty, dirty cop) which included molesting me for many years, years of which I have but 2 memories left after my brain erased my hard-drive to keep me from killing myself, most likely…the body knows what’s best. although, it would be nice, to have even one memory of my mother.
she died when I was 7. She took her own life to escape him.
I have always pictured that little girl (me at 7, post her death) as sitting atop this pillar in a cave, bound and gagged, waiting for the adult me to come and rescue her…maybe someday I’ll be able to remember, and realease that girl of mine)
but for now, I take all of this as : A GIFT. and I mean that. ,my past is my gift, my present the reward. I harbor no ill-will against anyone. I forgave the man about 5 years back, in a dream actually, and my mother as well.
As I say, “I am the light-maker now”.
So be it. I accept. With love and forgiveness in my heart, how could I do anything but shine for them?
My Soul, is Freedom’s Journey belongs to the following groups:
! Creative Writing & Poetry !, "Poetry and Beautiful Women" , All Out Emotion, All Things Poetic, Artistic, Philosophical, Core [C.O.R.E], Creative, Talented, and Unknown, Everyday Life, Insomniacs and Other Night Crawlers, Light In The Darkness, Masterpieces: Literary Workshop, The Art of Pain, The beauty of poetry, Up & Coming Writers and WMGBlowing through a vast crevasse –
from whirling tempest;
to calming balm on wounded skin;
to constant howl;
to sunlit kiss, onto warm lips –
I am a promise,
to the girl who waits,
within the cave where no light shines;
where sucking blackness and decay
consumes and claws across the barren
expanse that is
my inner child’s mind.
Little Kristin, girl of 7
(when time stopped)
suspended upon a bony pillar, sits,
engulfed by craggy mountain walls –
The cave of sorrows.
A black pit surrounds the tower,
held hostage by those who would keep her silent;
(protecting the illusion at all costs)
she waits,
bound,
and as silent as the fear that creeps up
the lone pillar,
(coming for the light in her eyes)
killing slowly, methodically,
attacking light –
the light that creeps through cracks;
breaks through holes;
breathes life into darkness –
(minions of death vying to stay her shine).
Her holly-hobby night gown
(full of broken dreams)
tattered and torn,
crowns her dirty little feet.
A grayed white gag, beneath soiled cheeks –
(like apples, they used to say)
blackened by yesterday,
save for the dappled light that shines,
from green eyes –
just a glimpse…
then gone.
A tiny flame flickers, within small hands –
(holding what was stolen)
keeping the beasts at bay…
(lighting a Mothers way)
They say I was everything to the one in the photographs –
The light giver.
Light taken,
and given.
Her battery drained,
(strength offered to the shining moon)
then gone.
Permanently erased.
Eradicated, liberated (grace or fear?)
Strength was my gift born
from her weakness -
my birthright, and soul’s mantra.
My soul was God’s gift -
my strength,
was her gift –
I am battery doubled.
No more am I dirty black holes
hiding in shadow,
For I am wind…
I am nowhere,
And everywhere.
I am past, present and future.
My soul is freedom blowing through the cracks
left by the black maker (innocence taker);
into my darkest depths;
holding the little girl (lost, no more) –
kissing her face;
drying her tears;
leaving the cave -
carrying my child home.
Together we light
the ancient halls,
Where I am the light maker now.
Winding my way from heaven to
ground;
kissing the nose’s of my five reasons
found –
My soul is wind
from the heaven’s,
unbound,
and these are the gifts
that my soul
resounds.
Amen.
© Kristin Reynolds 1 09
lupa
ah K…how wonderous are you? Truly….you are Light and Wind and Promise… a Woman to be reckoned with… Peace and many bright blessings Dearheart. xxx
Kristin Reynolds replied
you are so sweet, thank you once again, Lupa, for being so open and ready to give. :) love, K :)
raymondoantonio
YOU BRAVELY CONFRONT PAST TERRORS AND FIND AN INNER STRENGTH THAT LIBERATES YOU!! BRAVO KRISTIN, A VERY MOVING VOYAGE…....
Kristin Reynolds replied
thanks, hun. :)
ArcadiaTempest
Kristin…you have been so open and honest about your journey in life and my you are more than a survivor…you sure have taken victim and made it a resounding VICTORY!!! Your poetry prowess has such a potency….this has given me great insight to the power-light you are. Such is the beauty of those who forgive…XX
Kristin Reynolds replied
thanks, KS. :) If one cannot be honest about their journey (especially that of a poet, or writer) and share what they have learned, then where does that leave me? I would have loced to have another person tell me of their overcoming, and how they did it back when i wanted to kill myself every damn day…when I’d cut myself just to feel anything at all. I had to do this on my own, and darn it, I did, with the love of my children, and my own past reflecting off of me, lighting my way. I’m just glad i saw it before I let the darkness fully comsume me. :) thanks dear, you’re awesome. love, Kristin X
veritasunsaid
my goodness; thats two completely contrasting pieces of yours i have just read!!
one thing connects them; wonderous writing:)
you have conveyed sooo much emotion in here; and your openess of the situation shows mind boggling strength;
you have my entire RESPECT
love, V
Kristin Reynolds replied
lol yes, you dove into ‘seduction’ and then right into hell…:) quite the journey, indeed. :) thank you so much for all your kind words, they mean alot. it took a very very very long time to get to this place, the one of forgiveness, but it is one of my greatest accomplishments. some may not understand, but that strenght and love is worth all of it and more. :)
you are a kind soul, that is obvious, thanks beautiful, Kristin :)
jimmywatts
sorry you had to go through that this is a breathtaking journey and written so well
Kristin Reynolds replied
hi there! love that picture of you, by the way, killer shot. :)
I’m glad you like it, but don’t be sorry, i’m not. hard, yes it was very hard, espacially losing my mother than way…but, hard is the only way to learn sometimes. thanks again, love, K :)
Blanchot
All I will say, and it speaks tons, is that I am supremely glad that you became what you are! But, I suspect that you already knew that didn’t you? Unfuckingreal, Kat. Love, R
Kristin Reynolds replied
thank you, my dear. :) that means a whoooole heck of alot. :) And yes, I kind of suspected that. :) love, K X
Christie Moses
You know how I feel about this one my precious friend. No one can express it better than you. I feel this one in my bones. Your five reasons are so very alive and beautiful and worth every fight on earth and in heaven. They truly are a reason to survive. So eloquent and I always loved this poem. Love you. Love C
Kristin Reynolds replied
I know you know. :) i love you and your beautiful reason, too. love you sweetheart, love, me X
JRGarland
Such bravery to share a bit of your past and such healing you have accomplished thus far. My heart goes out to you. Well written.
Kristin Reynolds replied
Thank you, J.R :) for the beautiufl comment, and the heartfelt sentiment. :) love, Kristin
linaji
you are MY SISTA.. KRISTEN.. your writing is so empowering and honest and comes from such poetic value.. your incredible!!
Kristin Reynolds replied
Yeah, I am! thank you 100000 times, I love hearing those things…I love that another’s journey can perhaps help empower another – that’s what it’s all about. :) all the love! L
Shoaib .
you da f-in best you da f-in best
wow, hun you can write about it all .. great great work !!!
Kristin Reynolds replied
LOL! I love your comments, my man. :) Thank you to the stars and back, you funky-monkey in a snuggie, you. and thanks for the feature, yo! YOU da BEST! XX love, K :)
Shoaib .