I’ve been learning so much from Paul Robertson in the last week or so, He’s been mentoring me in a few different aspects. helping me so much with things like painting, drawing, remembering, understanding. Since meeting him, and him showing me what bipolar disorder actually is, we’ve decided that the possibility of my being bipolar is greater than the possibility of me coming from mars, which I’ve been so sure about for so long. ha ha. I’ve also started doing a little bit of my own research on it, found out a bunch of ppl i’ve always been inspired by have bipolar, for example, Jimi hendrix! Im such an idiot! I have all his music on this computer and didn’t notice, not even the song ‘Manic Depression’ !!! great song btw.
I’ve begun collecting quotes, anything that triggers my imagination, makes me think, or even if it just makes me laugh or something… so for the first time I’ve typed up the parts Alanis said on a CD in which she explains her thoughts behind a few of her songs.
-“over the last 8 years i think my aspiration has been really been about being as transparant as I possibly can be, the more visible I am, wether its literatly about my finaces or my emotional world, my spiritual beliefs, my vunerabilities or my impowered moments, frankly, the more peacefull I’ve become, theres less to hide. I feel theres so much energy that goes into hiding and secrecy, and I curtainly still believe in privacy in moments but theres a big difference in privacy and secrecy. secrecy is like fear, trying to hide from eachother and feeling seperate and being transparant and nonsecretive is realy a couragious act, its a loving act. It also relates us to eachother cos I feel that if we were all ready to put everything on the table we’d be really shocked to see the thread on contenuity that makes us all. I think the biggest sufering moments for me are when I really do feel seperate from people. I also think about the fact that whatever it is that im known for frankly that anyone is known for, lets say someone’s known for their strength, i usually can be assured that the flipside of that is something we’re more terrified of being. So my thought is that if we are able to embrace that we’re huge and rather than nothing, then we have access to whichever one we want and we’re not compulsivly driven to be the opposite of that that which we’re terrified of. (‘everything’,her song) also points towards what unconditional love would feel like. when I hear that song it shifts my cells to the point where I can actually feel what uncondtional love feels like just listening to that…As a chile up until now, i remember writing in my journal ‘All parts.’ all the time. It was just a real dream of mine to have all parts be accepted somehow.” – Alanis Morissette.