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Lone Witness
I ran down here and hid in the bushes when I saw the rifle in his hand. He saw me run through the kitchen, hollered at me to stop, but I didn’t, he couldn’t catch me. I left her to bear witness to another rampage.
Oh, it’s different this time. He wouldn’t use that rifle…would he? I woke up to hear them fighting. He said he was going to blow his head off and that would solve all her problems. I snuck in, saw him waving the rifle, drunk and dangerous, my mother pinned in the corner, horrified to see me in harm’s way.
Her eyes begged me: Get out! Go!
So I ran.
But he doesn’t know about my hiding place, or the phone I hid out here.
I jump when the door slams.
It’s time to stop hiding, time to tell.
If I live long enough, I will.
Lone Witness by greeneyedlady
My Entry for Flash Fiction’s May Challenge #1—Witness
…and even after all this time
it can still make me feel
white bread and average
the cloyingly mushy middle
of a brilliant girl sandwich
Comments
Powerful stuff, drunken fathers can cause so many levels of damage, I hope she got out alive!
Yeah, so many of them don’t….
– greeneyedlady
Oh my God – I’m rocked to my soul – what a powerful piece in so few words! Just incredible writing Lisa – terrible story, all too common unfortunately, but I hope safely resolved finally.
yes, sadly it is all too common and often it is never set right, or even reported to authorities…families just have to live with it. Thanks for your kind words, they are like a healing balm…
– greeneyedlady
That was like an encapsulated lifetime in a flash……….fear at it’s finest, very good, kind of left me waiting to hear the police siren.:)
oh, yeah, I see what you mean, the siren would be the next logical thing…but it might also be a gunshot, huh? ooh, scary… thanks for looking!
– greeneyedlady
Excellent writing!
thanks! the compliment is appreciated!
– greeneyedlady
Sad……and scary.
A very well written tale, the emotions swirling through the child’s head were wonderfully expressed. I even caught a little boredom (maybe monotony is the word I’m looking for) as the yelling was heard again—probably for the hundredth time.
An excellent entry.
thank you for your comments, i appreciate your feedback and your wonderful compliment! =)
– greeneyedlady
not sure i get who your character is running from? the hard part about writing flash fiction (or any short piece of fiction for that matter) is that it has to have an arch like any other story…and that is very difficult to achieve in such a limited amount of space. it seems like the ending was rushed to an end. t he beginning was very powerful and driven, though.
Wow. Searing. Fabulous flash!
thanks so much, i’m glad you liked it!
– greeneyedlady