“I’m going away for two months. I know it’s a long time. I’m going to go and travel over to Asia and explore that area, find out where I’m going and be able to see where I’ve come from. I’m taking a break. It’s two months; I know that’s a long time. So this is why I’ve come to you personally. I’ve told the manager, I’ve told everyone else. But I just thought I should personally speak to you about it. Speak about my future. Speak about our future. So I’ll just throw it out there to be answered now, and you just tell me which way you’re going to swing with it. Ok, so my question… here goes. So, I just wanted to know if after I’ve… found who I am…where I’ve come from… and such, and such, will I still have a job? Like, is my future here looking positive even after going overseas for two months? It might even be less. I’m not sure. It just depends how long it takes for me to find myself. But yes. So the questions up in the air, what do you think? I know it might be a bit rushed. I know this could be a bit soon. And maybe I haven’t given enough notice. I don’t know. But oh, I do. Will you keep my job here for me? Or should I look to be employed elsewhere?” I look to my boss – my lover – Frank, to see any signs of life. He is shocked. He doesn’t know what to say in reply, and I tried so hard with my speech. Thankfully the radio is on in the background so at least I can listen to the lovely tunes of Dido, singing about not leaving home. Probably not the most well suited song for this occasion.

Leaving home for two months has been a big decision. But it’s not like I’m leaving forever. Just for a while, just to catch up with myself. I can’t help it; I just need to get out and away from this town and this city and this place and all these crazy people. It’s not a good place at the moment. I just want to leave, and so I figure I should do it now.
So in two weeks, I will be in Asia. I will be in Thailand and Vietnam and Cambodia and all those interesting places. I will make a new home and live it tough; I’ll network myself and make new friends. But I will be learning life lessons. And it’ll be fun, I’m sure of it. I’ll return with new knowledge and I hope it will make this town seem brighter, these faces seem kinder. I hope that it will change my views and the way I live, all for the better of course. I want it to make me realize how much I like home, and so I will no longer take it for granted. And Frank won’t seem like such a chore, nor will work.
This is all wishful thinking though. I’ll probably return to the same dull place with the same unhappy faces and all the stuff that I want to leave behind. But it’s going to be worth it to get away, I hope. I hope it’s worth the money, and the time.

“Josey, you’re twenty-five. Don’t you think you’re a bit old for all this messing around? You need to grow up. You’re twenty-five and just last week you got a nose stud. A month or so ago you got a tattoo covering half of your back. When are you going to grow up and mature a bit Josey? Jesus. You’re doing acts of immaturity that most of us did back in high school. You’re just trying to run away from this life of yours Josey, when all you need to do is accept. Accepting is the way of the future, so eventually you’ll have to learn that skill, it’s important, I can’t teach you it. Oh but Josey I would if I could, I would wrap it up and give it to you as a gift right away. Josey? Are you listening? Look at you! Look at me. Josey?”, Frank is in one of his rants, I look at myself when he says to, and I look at him when he says to. I look back at myself again when he tells me to again. He asks me to take a serious look at my outfit and explain it to him. So I do.
“My outfit? I themed it for the day. I felt like a bit of a pirate today. I felt like I should be on the water sailing out to sea or some far off magical place. Today was just one of those days where I should’ve slept in. But instead I have themed it for this day and my mood. What am I wearing? I am wearing a sailor’s hat, I bought it at an antique shop a year or so ago, I liked it. It was a bit expensive, $38, but I was willing to buy it because I liked it so much. One time my dad suggested I had a thing for guys in uniform, but I don’t really, I just like hats. And my eye patch? It is a pirate’s eye patch that I bought for pirate day a few years back. I have worn it every pirate day since. It only cost me a couple of dollars too, so it was a bargain…”, I wish he had’ve been clearer and asked what part of my outfit he wanted me to explain, and into how much detail… but he wasn’t so I had to tell him everything, with every little painful detail, bit by bit.
“Josey. Look at me. You aren’t in one of your story books; you aren’t in a school play. You’re not going to be famous and you can’t even act! Please just mature a bit, for my sake? You’re twenty-five and having themed outfit days, I think you need to see someone. I can take you to see someone? You are Josey but you are not free, not like you are in your books. And all of those things you don’t want to hear – all of those bad things like reputations and judging – they all happen. I’m judging you now. I’ve given you a reputation. You are not free; you’re trapped in your own little world where you think you’re a child. I can take you to a psychiatrist; my aunty knows a good one. She’s very good. She’ll understand you. But Jesus Josey, please just stop with this nonsense.” says Frank.
I’ve never known Frank to be cruel like this. Everyone always told me he wasn’t a good person, but I’ve never believed them; I never wanted to. But now I guess his true colours are starting to shine through… and they’re reminding me a lot of the colour orange. And I don’t like orange.
“Frank… you must not know me at all. You aren’t the Frank I fell in love with, you aren’t the Frank I love. The Frank I love was kind and understanding, and never ever rude like this. What’s happened, what’s come over you? Maybe it’s a disease… Wait…Frank! Should I not be standing this close?! Oh Frank if it’s a disease I wish you had of told me earlier! What if it’s contagious? Frank!”
“Jesus Christ Josey, Jesus Christ. Just grow up. I don’t have a disease. And what’s all this business about you falling in love with me? I have a wife. I have three kids. I have a wife that I madly love and she isn’t you. I have kids I love, and they’re thankfully not yours. You’re more screwed up than I originally thought. I hope you don’t love me, I really hope you don’t because I sure don’t love you.” Frank is nearly shouting.
“Frank… What… What are you talking about? I thought you loved me. I thought we were in love!”
“Look, you’re free to go on your little immature holiday Josey, go and runaway if that’s what you want. So pack your bags and leave a note for Mother, run down your driveway without looking back. But with every step you know you’re only going to return, you know you’re only going to get back to where you started Josey. Because you’re running around in a circle and you aren’t doing a thing to break it. So when Mother finds you barely a block away wrapped up in clothes and already on your last rations, I hate to say it, but I told you so. You were born to fail.” The monster I call Frank is beginning to spit when he speaks now. He does this when he’s angry, I think he’s angry, but so am I.
“You don’t mean that.”
“Yes Josey, yes I do. I mean every word of it.” He looks me in the eye when he says this; it sends shivers up my spine. I stare at my red gumboots encasing my feet.
“No Frank, you don’t hate to say it at all! You don’t understand! No-one understands me! I’m going to run away and I won’t come back for a while! Then maybe when I return someone will appreciate me for more than I am! We’re through Frank, you and I – our relationship – it’s all over! I’ll see you when I get back, and hopefully you’ve changed, because I’m not going to change one bit – not for you.”
Frank kept talking and yelling and spitting furiously after that, but I had already ran too far away to hear any of it.
I thought we were in love, I thought we had something special. I thought he would understand, and that he would want me to work with him again when I return, be lovers again when I return. I don’t know. I’m not sure what to think anymore. But I’m going to Asia; I’m going to get there. I don’t know what it will be like when I get there, and I certainly don’t know what it’s going to be like when I come home, but I just know I need to leave, now.

And now it’s raining and my hat is wet and my eye patch is collecting water, my dress is dripping. The rain is pelting down on my skin, and the only positive thought I have is that gumboots were a good choice after all.