She died and left no notes just hospital bills and spilled promises of Thanksgiving and tomorrow
Why do people try to promise what is not theirs?
Try to give something they have borrow
Now she is gone, just a picture and memories, she looks so beautiful, but she was beauty with horns
A rose with thorns
She could never let herself love you to deeply
I think she was afraid she would get caught sleeping and emotions would attach themselves to her unaware,
She lived instead in scared, she use to sip coffee with fear and cheer on her kids with loud voices they called yelling, she never told them to go to school, she never told them to make it, she taught them how to fake it and everything what not to do , but they learned what she showed them anyway, she would throw them up like pennies and flick them away when the drugs came calling, but then love or lust of money, something would wake her from her binge, and she would come and still them back from security and safety and shelter, basically in stability, She was doing whatever the hell she felt like and didn’t give a golden monkey’s toothbrush if you cared or not, she was hot pink and sweet perfume, she was lemonade left out in the afternoon with to many lemons, but she would leave special things like taco’s and warm tostados in the oven waiting on you, she would turn her old sedan into a party bus for 7 or 8 anxious children, we were all willing to go where she would take us, even if she mistook, mistake, misused us, We had no disgust for her, we would crouch behind ear shot to hear the stories, the gory details, I remember well a young spawn of her bosom finding a complicated device that would allow her to rely on drugs, the slug that it left in my cousin when she would not release her addiction for her attention, She was filling a hole that we could not see and never bothered to tell us about, Did she ever hurt? Did she ever say, what is this, this leaking thing? is this, is this pain? She stole so many things, why not love? Why didn’t she wrap it quickly and place that in her blouse? Now the loud hip spanking diva is departed, spandex lady of the land, she was grand to herself, convincing us that her toenails were better long, that this dance had come along and we better not dare act otherwise, she was full of surprises and full of vices, and spices, aromatic, no tactic that was ever tactful, she was loving and awe-full, she could dirty up a heart and some rice! She was Blexican all her life, it was only right that she could speak Spanish like she was, She was a little piece of dust that got itself caught up with some wind and grew up to be a great big full blown tornado, She was the most spontaneous elbow bending everywhere she pleased, She did what she thought was best , even if it was dead wrong and to the center, she was always the beginner, always starting over while starting dinner, she was summer in the meantime and winter, she could whip that head around like the wind forcing it’s way through your zipper, she was chipper, but bitter and she bottled this up and passed it out to all who would stay long enough to matter, But it s was her batter that she lived with, she would stir it, pour it, and hurl it at the wall, she was on the fence, over it and always about to fall, she thought big in a small way, she would mean half of what she said and throw back her head and laugh so hard it would float up to the ceiling, touch it and disperse, and what’s worse infect everybody near, she would saunter around and make beer look like champagne cordial, even though it was just muddy brown liquid in a darkened glass, But she was not to be harassed, tell her about it and she would probably raise her flask and ask you to walk on passed, she was bad! In the good way and the other ,she was a little sister that her siblings never got a chance to cover, she never let herself be discovered vulnerable, she wasn’t passing kisses and hugging shoulders often, and in the last days her body became her coffin, all the years of cheating death, playing the cards less and cashing in to Win even if she lost, it finally caught her hand, All those invitations to dance and she took this last chance, As I try to settle my thoughts and look back to see her, look back to need her and see her at a glance, alas I can’t she has disappeared and as I peer into the distance to ask her what would she say in an hour that has almost fallen away, as I look back in the mirror and see her wavering , her lip quavering, a child once again, a soul left to hold everything they didn’t or did, as she stands there looking with a sad stare, I wonder will she meet me there? The time is clear and the hour is near I hear the wet breath of death in my ear that says she cannot stay, she begins to ebb away and I call for her to say, what she would to us all, Would you stand in the gaps where perhaps you lacked so that someone else will not fall! Make the crooked straights, but the seconds won’t wait any longer, come in from the things that beset you and had fought tirelessly to obtain you, at least explain, don’t just leave us with stains, no forwarding address how to find you, but the clock had taken its clues, the morning paled to an uncertain hue that was, full of silvers and blues, the mist comes up over the day and the sky is confused on whether to rain or to shine, and in my mind I can’t say which, for my Aunt has ran out of time, and as the vapor tapers before me, behind me, I can’t tell you which it is, The hardest part of this grief, is not her departing, but not sure where exactly she is! She, the Woman who lived by her own additions, and loved to try to earn love from her kids, Desired attention, was hoping one day to have better intentions, I just stand here staring at the space where she’s missing, asking God, Lord was she really finished or is something missing? I just keep looking up awaiting the reply, hoping it’s not another soul that just decided to say goodbye, I look at the gifts of hopes that set she never knew we had, the happiness we were waiting to share with her when she came back, the light we wished to shine on her if she would just believe, the joy we invited her to come along and conceive, but her heart was heavy and her time was breathe, Now she is gone so quickly, and left me an inheritance of only these wonderings, Wondering if in her wandering she will meet me in Heavens gates, will we meet again and find each other’s arms and gently embrace, will I find her at the window with God’s peace upon her face? I just know that I’ll be hopeful because I do not know, where she chose to live eternally, for that I pray her soul .klm