When I became sick with Fibromyalgia, I really didn’t know what to think, I spent years without a diagnosis, and to finally have a name to what this horrible pain that I endure every moment of my life is. It was supposed to be an “aha” moment, but it wasn’t, I suffer whether I am asleep or awake, I have learned to deal with a variety of emotions that have come along with this disease. I still do, I have woken up at times wondering “WHY?”. And I will say, that the thoughts that have crossed my mind at times where not pleasant at all.
Its hard to explain how it feels to have this pain, when you see me and I am smiling and looking healthy, aside from the weight gain, so I get “well walk, do some exercise”, well what is not understood is that the medicines that I take up to 7 times a day are what is causing the weight gain.
I don’t look for anyone’s pity, nor do I want it, what I want is understanding, if I say, “I cant” it literally means I cant, I never make promise to go anywhere, because I do not know how I will feel on that day, so I just say, “I wont promise, but I’ll try”.
I am told that alot of what can help me is to learn to deal with the abuse I went through as a child, its hard, its been held in for so long, I rarely leave my house, cause I am not comfortable with the outside world, I try to, there’s just so much “noise” out there, that I cant filter anymore.
I know I am not the only person who suffers from this disease, and I am probably not writing this the way I want to, I just wanted to express some of whats on my mind right now
In this piece, each color signifies emotion and pain, for each of us the colors mean different things then what I see them to be.
I put alot into my pieces and love sharing them with you all, it takes me away, even if its for a moment, so I hope that you enjoy them as much as I do…
Following Apophysis: Foci Tutorialby ~Juggalo5
Lines and colors enhanced using PS CS2 , Redfield Plugin, Fractalius Filter