1. Could I speak to God, please.
2. Sorry, God is not here at the moment. Would you like to leave a message?
1. Not there?
2. I’m afraid not.
1. But that can’t be right. He’s everywhere!
2. Technically speaking, yes…
1. Omnipresent, I think you call it.
2. That’s true but…
1. So He must be there.
2. Put it this way, He’s not available at the moment.
1. Is He available somewhere else?
2. Of course.
1. You did say everywhere?
1. Then may I speak to Him, please.
2. Where are you?
1. Does it matter? You said He was available everywhere.
2. It might help if I know exactly where you are.
1. Latitude 33 degrees, 2.4 minutes, South… longitude 152 degrees, 8.3 minutes, East.
2. Is that Earth?
2. Hold the line, please.
3. Gabriel speaking.
1. Oh, hello, Gabriel. Could I speak to God, please.
3. I’m sorry, God is not here at the moment.
1. Are you sure? I thought God was everywhere!
3. Technically speaking…
1. Technically speaking, technically speaking… I don’t care about technicalities. Is He everywhere or not?
1. Well, where exactly is He?
3. Have you tried somewhere else?
3. Anywhere… it doesn’t really matter.
1. Anywhere but here. Is that right?
3. At the moment…
1. Now lemme get this straight. God is omnipotent, omnipresent, and omniscient.?
1. Except here?
3. Have you tried praying?
1. It’s not the same. I was hoping for a two-way convo. You know… hello God, hello Gary, how ya doin’… that kinda thing. Does He have an iPhone or something?
3. I’m afraid not.
1. When will He be back?
3. He never left. He’s just not here at the moment.
1. He never left but He’s not there? God works in mysterious ways.
3. True. Is there anything else I can help you with?
1. Uh… I don’t think so. But thanks anyway.
3. Have a nice day, and thanks for calling.