I find myself staring into the flame of isolation. Waking up with your ribs sore from missing someone so bad.. How you give me that feeling. My awkward nature, your skinny fingers. Memorized the manner of how you take a drag off your cigarette, how you look in the mornings.. Tiny pieces of you that manage to always creep out of the cobwebs of my mind when I thought they no longer mattered. Everyday is just a bitter, passing chapter. I’ve become a lonely soul in this twin bed. Finding it funny how this time a year ago was so different. How reminders of you seem bitter and yet almost lovely. How immature and happy and confused we were. These everyday conversations merely posess no meaning… Yet you.. Over and over I’ve tried memorizing the particular usage of how even the simplest of your words always seemed so perfect, so effortless. The way your voice manifested the most crucial words which were in reality only ordinary to the rest of the world, yet entirely different to me..
Yet in contrary this is just a string of meaningless phrases, to only try and say I still care about you. I never chose to or tried to or even wanted to really.. It’s just a feeling. What I feel when I hear your name.. Those things just can’t be ignored. It’s just hit me lately, how I’ve missed our friendship.. All this while we’ve been packing ice around our hearts, but what for? We have changed as the skies change. Different colors are the skies at the end of the day, but the stars are always the same when the night comes. Just as I look at you. Your colors have changed but Darling your stars still burn, so bright. And that’s what brings me back to you everytime. That’s what makes me miss you most of all. That stubborn fire about you, that fucking sense of alivement that cascades around you.
You’re the most beautiful friend I have ever had.
Just please, please don’t go on pretending like it wasn’t real.
I just miss you I guess.