I will chew the inside of my gum, whilst you pretend that it doesn’t feel different, or taste like it once did.

When we were young and rolled around, you were hazy because it was dark and I was wasted.

I remember when you told me way back then, that your favourite bird was a tiny thing called a Willie wag tail. It intrigued me to hear that because it’s not uncommon for people to choose an eagle, hawk or some other bird of prey.

You are a curious and gentle little bird.

And you wag your tail in the cutest way.

I’ve been thinking about birds lately, especially that green one we once had and how he would do his sexual thing with a rolled up newspaper and then regurgitate his seed and eat it.

I know if we were birds, you would feed me. You would probably chew the inside of my gum for me too if you could, with your toothless beak and your best intention. You love me dear and your incredible way of being human makes it easy to love in return. You give and provide and care and are never too incensed in your own skin to want to touch mine. You make my wings spread and you tempt me to fly but I know it scares you when I take off and leave.

I am your unpredictable bird.

I’ve always thought of myself as a butterfly though sometimes I am strong like an eagle.

It depends on the prey, the day and the weather.

Some mornings, I want to land gently on a flower petal or a shoulder and whisper like eye lashes against a cheek. On the other odd afternoons, I set out to roam across an infinite sky and search for my truth without fear.

Today, I am neither of those creatures.

I am being human, sitting here with my back against the wall, my eyes on the door and I’m gnawing the inside of my gum on my own, using more energy than I need to. There are very few calories in despondency.

You wonder why I am losing weight, although you say I look better now than I have in the longest time. I should be careful not to get too thin though. Maybe just a little bit thinner.

I guess that depends on how long it takes to chew my way out of this cage.

Perhaps we should leave the door open.

© ryan