“I’m not going there again,” he said
back to the mirror
there was a man
he always looked out from those eyes
pretending to be mine
pretending to care
pretending to be there
but he wasn’t.

He never was
he was always less

best; if we don’t consider
how I got here
I have to live with it
you don’t.

Yes, it’s dark here
no matter what time of day
and that’s why I like it
I come here
I brighten my world
with colour
and just the slow trickle
of the water
reminds me of my blood
it reminds me that i’m still alive.

I can hear my heartbeat
it’s steady
no thumping
or whacking
against walls
and doorways
and down that shitty staircase
that he loved best
he would push and push
and yell at me some more
digging his dirty index finger
into my chest
you’re an asshole
you’re a loser
you’ll amount to nothing
you’re just like your father
and your mother’s a whore

of course
he was always right.

So I spray these walls
I create light from the darkness
I leave my name
a symbol
and a dream
I roll cigarettes
I smoke
just like he did
and I fight the constant urge
to kill that fucker
for fucking my life
and my desire
to kill that pain
with a bang
with a pill
with a slice
and I take all of the pieces
marching around inside of my head
paint a picture of his face
I highlight it
design it
and own it
with an underline
a capital word; DEAD
and I promise myself
and the angel up on the bridge
that I will live
and I will come here again tomorrow
so that I don’t visit him
and end it all forever

no matter how much he deserves it
I will always run away.

© ryan

Currently unavailable for purchase

Street kids

artwork by Neil Johnson


collab, runaway, neil johnson, street kids, graffiti, drain, abuse, pj ryan, run away, homeless, broken home

Bitey, metaphorical and ambiguous little writes.

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  • Nvision Ink
    Nvision Inkabout 6 years ago

    Truly brilliant!!! You do hear a lot of water trickling down there! And very eerie noises now and then…But it is mostly silent. The shutter from my camera seems to be sooo loud!

  • I’m so pleased you like this :)

    I think they mesh really well together.

    – PJ Ryan

  • Richard Hamilton-Veal
    Richard Hamilt...about 6 years ago

    Awesome work you two.

    Really goes well together.

    Well done.

  • flower68
    flower68about 6 years ago

    Jesus Christ that’s bullets Nic.Incredible writing,beautiful image.

  • naturelover
    natureloverabout 6 years ago

    Made the hair stand up on the back of my neck! this is a brilliant piece of work!!

  • Lisa  Jewell
    Lisa Jewellabout 6 years ago

    Incredibly powerful writing; have you tapped into the head of someone close?


  • Traceyisanozzy
    Traceyisanozzyabout 6 years ago

    How familiar….was like reading the past….would go well with my ‘Escape from a previous life’
    Awesome words and scary that I can relate.

  • ytsumner
    ytsumnerabout 6 years ago

    I held my breath the whole way. Damn, woman, you are good. Fuck it, this is better than good, this is like channelling. love love love. x

  • Care
    Careabout 6 years ago

    whoaa …awesomely brilliant writing Nic..!!!

  • deliriousgirl
    deliriousgirlabout 6 years ago

    HOLY MOLY! My 2 faves together! Love it to death hon!!!

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