frozenfa


Hey everyone!!

Ummm.. hello…. O.O”

To all who’ve been worried about me, i’m so so so sorry!! i know i can’t apologize enough for my weird disappearance from RB, and my lack of replies on all your wonderful comments.. and also my lack of comments.. i’m truly truly sorry.

I’ve been basically down all these time, since September.. down.. sorta down, yea.. umm.. how do i explain.. umm.. ok, i’ll write a from the start thing, so this journal will be lengthy so yea.. Oo”

Basically i once had a major major breakdown last Sep 2007. it was pretty bad. i sooooo wanted to have myself admitted into the hospital to get away from life and to avoid hurting anyone. i was that close to really hurting someone.. in my mind, i was fighting and struggling not to harm anyone. not to harm myself. i was presented with horrible ugly images of how i wanted to really really really hurt the someone who’s hurting me mentally and emotionally. but my brother managed to get home on time to save me. God bless him.

So what happened in 2008 this year was that.. i managed to last through the past 1yr with no more major breakdowns.. i’ve worked hard and i’ve managed to control myself enough not to have any breakdown for a year. and i was proud of myself. until a few days after the 1yr anniversary that that same someone said something nasty again and voila, there goes my clean records of no major breakdowns~ pfft..

Someone you truly care for and respect and love suggested that i behave properly or i’d be caught by the mental hospital and dragged away and locked up.. it’s basically a big huge insult and jab to me.. biiiiiiiig.. it’s like.. “what the hell makes her think i’d go into hysteria?!” big.. it’s like a vampire being stabbed in the heart big. it’s sorta, the worst words i’ve heard.. i couldn’t ask for anything more blunt. it’s as good as saying, “watch it, mad woman. you’ll be caught one day”. oooO.. typing this brings back the pain on my chest.. annoying..

the last tv drama didn’t help educate that lady either. the drama suggested that anyone having depression will go into hysteria and will attempt to kill themselves and will be full of anxiety and hysteria stuffs..

honestly, receiving such comments makes me wanna try just do that and give her what she wants. but stubborn lil me won’t give her what she wants. she’ll have to work harder at tormenting me mentally if she wants me to go into hysteria.

So yea.. basically after that hurtful episode, i sorta thought i managed to get over it, but i thought wrong i guess. i tried to get back on RB, to comment and fav works.. but i couldn’t do much cos i’ve been feeling moody. i don’t want to leave a half-hearted comment – especially when i know that i’d be responding to the piece for cheerfully if i weren’t feeling moody.

i’ve received so many kind bmails and emails from you guys.. Midori-sama.. Ellen.. Lisa.. Christelle.. Lori.. iAN.. Tom.. Julie.. Rory.. Gillian.. Vestque.. GG.. argh!!! there’s so many of you lovely people out there bmailing and commenting and being so nice to me, i’m so sorry for disappearing!!

there’s so many kind comments on my SilentCries gallery too!! You guys are too kind!! am not complaining, but really really really thank you all!!

i’m so sorry i haven’t manage to reply to you guys.. Basically i’ve been feeling moody, and can’t bring myself to reply.. i am not my usual cheerful childish self, and i’d feel bad to tell you guys am not ok cos i think it’s not too big a problem still and yet it held me down so much..

Basically i planned to reply to all the comments and bmails and emails only after i’ve gotten myself back up. OO”

i am so so sorry.. i know i must have worried some of you guys.. though seriously, there’s no need to worry for me, am nothing! as in.. there’s no need to worry for me.. how do i say this.. i’ve dealt with crappy people all my life, so i will be ok. i will not go into hysteria, i will not be dragged away in straight jacket, i will not kill myself and i will not kill others. cough cough..

i would like to thank Karin for reminding me that i haven’t been replying to anything for a long time and that includes personal bmails and emails.. i honestly didn’t realize i’ve been withdrawing myself. i just thought i’m just procrastinating to answering bmails and emails..

I’ve been drawing and playing on my wacom the last 3days.. immersing myself into drawing and sketching, hoping to purge out any negative feelings in me.

here’s my first try at sketching with wacom..

it’s really fun.. and now i’m trying to color with a wacom.. will show you guys once it’s done.. it’s a little guy, by the name of Kenny… he’s very young and very quiet.. he cries easily. he loves to be carried and hugged. X) he’ll be done a 2-3 days i guess..

To those who love silly lil jokes, my bro helped came up with the words for these two tees (will make them available here soon i guess)..

Last but not least, thank you so so much to the mystery buyer of SUSHI!!!
sold on 7th Oct

Major Thank You to JakkiO for purchasing Paint Yourself! Card

And Thank You to the latest mystery buyer of I Love Me – Have You Loved Yourself Today? Card!!

Thank you so much to RB for featuring I Love Me – Have You Loved Yourself Today? in the Art section!! X)

  • Skye Ryan-Evans

    Skye Ryan-Evans

    Big warm snuggly huggles from me to you! Your new art works are brilliant and so are you! ;o-) ~ Skye

  • frozenfa replied

    Hi Skye!! thank you so much for the hugs~

  • Karin  Taylor

    Karin Taylorcommunity helper

    Fa!! I just checked in…i see this…
    i love your new messages on these designs, especially the “When i fart I blush” that has got to be the cutest message ever, and all the mums and dad will want one for their little bubbas!!!! May i say how dashing you look all in red Tim by the way….and I’m sure everyone understands fa…they are and i was, just feeling concerned by your absence :) only coz we care :)

    Also, i am mighty impressed with this beautiful work you’re doing on the wacom tablet, and wow, this was your first attempt and you’re already like a pro at this!! cannot wait for Kenny to make an appearance on RB….reallly cannot wait!!

    Hugs, Karin xoxo

  • frozenfa replied

    Hi Karin!! eheh.. i love those messages too.. i was laughing like hell when my brother said that to me.. he loves to come up with super funny spontaneous jokes! XD
    Tim’s been quiet all these while.. we’re happy that Tim got featured, very happy in fact, but Tim’s still being quiet. just huggy. i guess he’ll feel better in awhile eh? Glad you find it good enough, Karin, thank you!! will upload lil Kenny tomorrow afternoon! X)

  • Lisa Marie Robinson

    Lisa Marie Rob...

    Big hugz from me and my kitties! =_= Like Karin says: it’s because we care that we were all a little concerned about your absense. :)

    Farting Schmoo is fabulous! That design made me giggle all day when I saw it over on Zazzle. Thanks for your advise on which software to use for vector drawing.. much appreciated! =D Even though you weren’t yourself you still went out of your way to help! I admire that!.... I’m still practicing my vectors so it’ll be awhile before anything makes an appearance…. I want it be just right!

    Here’s a pick to help you in your healing process.

    Trillions of hugz, Lisa xxx

  • frozenfa replied

    nyaaaaa… Thank you Lisa!!! your lil kitties is just what i need to lift my lips into a smile~ X) i saw your comment on lil Schmoo tee! eheh.. am glad it made you laugh, yay! =D
    no probbie about the advice about using Flash.. cos i really find it easier to use, and think it’ll be way easier and faster for you to draw with it first, then later re-learn illustrator.. do email me if you need to ask something about drawing in flash, k? =D

  • Sean Rice

    Sean Rice

    Nice to see you back :)

  • frozenfa replied

    Awww.. thank you, Sean!! Love your new avatar!! will you be making that into a tee too?! =D

  • Lori Peters

    Lori Peters

    I am so sorry to hear of your sorrows. Life can be so cruel and so can people. i will be thinking of you and saying a prayer. HUGS!!!

  • frozenfa replied

    Aww.. thank you so much, Lori.. so sorry i haven’t replied to your bmail over at SilentCries.. or have i.. i’ve been out of sorts, but am picking myself up.. i think i’ll be fine.. just need awhile.. Thank you so much for everything, Lori! hugssssss~ X)

  • hilarydougill

    hilarydougill

    sweetheart, welcome home, I feel your pain, you must not let people hurt you, you must wrap yourself up in a beautiful rainbow bubble, and you can see them and they can see you, but they cannot hurt you. Do you remember the old adage, Stick and stones can break my bones but words can never harm e? Remember this when anyone says anything hurtful, and remember also they say things to hurt you to make themselves feel bigger and better, because they know deep inside they are not. You are a trooper, you have come through this and WON, Have confidence in yourself, you are a child of God, and as such protected. Love you lots and hugsxxx

  • frozenfa replied

    Stick and stones can break my bones but words can never harm me? i dunno.. when i’m being extra depressive, i feel like, i’d rather be hit and beaten, i’d rather feel physical pain than mental and emotional pain. so i’d punch the walls and bang my head and bite myself.. well, at least i’d never cut myself.. eheh..

    thank you for calling me a trooper! that’s what i feel each time i’m the “the battlefield”.. sometimes.. it’s almost like a matter of life and death eh? i’ll fight hard and protect myself and those i love!! Hugs~ X)

  • Karen Cook

    Karen Cook

    Oh Fa… it’s absolutely wonderful to see you back on here and to hear from you!!! ~ HUGS!!!! In fact, I’ve been kinda quiet on here compared to how I usually am and it made me think of you and wonder how you were going… I deliberately didn’t bubblemail you though because I knew that your absence meant that you needed space to sort out what was going on… We all have down and crazy days and times, obviously probably not as bad as you experience, but we all do have them, believe me! I started on some medication about 6 months ago which I must say did help me for a little while, but it has recently stopped being as effective… I’ve had a few weeks now where I’ve felt “BLAH” again… really slow and tired and “I can’t be bothered” kinda feeling… Feeling down and like things are too much effort and just wanting to sleep. It’s hard to get outta that mind-set, but knowing that the medication worked a bit was such a positive and I got to have many days with a clear head and feeling positive!! So, I’m off to the docs again next week to have another heart-to-heart chat and hopefully she’ll suggest another path for me to go down… something else to try… I’m not going to give up until I find something that works. Your new art is amazing by the way! I mostly love it because it’s from deep inside you. It’s truly inspirational and I can’t wait to see some more. Karen xoxoxoxoxoxox

  • frozenfa replied

    Flower Fairy!! Hugs~
    Thank you so so much for the thoughtfulness!! i was worried too.. when i get bmails and comments about others worrying about me.. it’s like.. i’m trying hard to get back asap, happy as per usual, i don’t wanna respond now, but it seems like some are getting worried, and so i was like torn between staying quiet and making some noise.. ^ _ ^“
    you’ve just started medication 6mths ago? take care, Karen.. i think the medicine works in a weird way eh.. hopefully the doc will have some good suggestions for your next appt.. am supposed to have 1 later this month too.. i remember when i first started to take fluoxetine.. dang, it made me all weird for months! hehe.. am sure there will be one that is just right for you. it’ll take time, but as long as you work hard on wanting to recover, it will come soon, i believe! X)

    Thank you for liking my new drawings, Karen! Thank you so much!! Hugs!! X)

  • Angela Harburn

    Angela Harburn

    Hey Welcome Back!!! xxx I’ve really missed you my dearest Fa! xxx
    You are a strong, beautiful and loving person inside – as Hilary says you must not let the words of others hurt you – I know that’s easier said than done – but it is the ones that say unkind things that are the sad and unfortunate people and believe me – it is they that look bad, small and ugly!!!
    Hold your head high – you have the power to come through your dark times – you have already done so and by coming on here and explaining to people what depression feel like you have my complete admiration – you are one brave lady and an exceptional person!!!xxx
    Mega Hugs – I’m so happy to hear from you – don’t beat yourself up trying to catch up – start from fresh and just do as much as you enjoy!!! xxx End of Lecture!!! lol xxx
    I love your drawing so much and the tees – well – they are too adorable for words – I’m with Karin – love the Fart one!!! lol xxx

  • frozenfa replied

    Hey Angela!! so sorry i haven’t visited your gallery for awhile too.. i saw some thumbnails of the photos you’ve uploaded (from your trip and also the kitties).. seems like you’ve had a lovely time photographing, eh? =D
    it’s hard to not take offense on painful words eh.. it takes time i supposed eh? thank you for calling me brave.. eheh.. i was just umm.. pouring out my thoughts. afterall i didn’t have much people i can talk to that understands.. so i like to type out my thoughts..

    will start from fresh as soon as i can!! thank you, Angela!! hehe.. glad you like the Fart one too!! lolz!! XD

  • mlgkats

    mlgkats

    welcome back my friend , i have missed you and your very talented work , just take your time, just remember that we all care about your health , you have many friends here, dark times are hard , but you have the strength to get your self through this , and knowing that you have many friends that care , you are in my thoughts to help you and big hugs very time you feel blue
    :) mel

  • frozenfa replied

    Hello!! sorry for the late reply.. n_n”
    thank you so much mel!! i’ll always try remember that i have friends who really care.. cos i don’t have much friends in real life that cares.. so it’s like amazing and hard to believe there’s so many wonderful people here who cares.. Hugs!! X)

  • Vestque

    Vestque

    Awww! hugglesss! I understand and I totally say go for it. If you don’t feel like commenting ect. then thats ok! Redbubble will always be here, so if it’s between you getting better and Redbubble…then I say aim for the former! :D You are loved here though, just wanna make sure you know that XD! Yay!

  • frozenfa replied

    awwww~ Thank you, Vestque!! GLOMPZ!!! XD

  • Cvail73

    Cvail73

    Oh it’s so great to have you back Fa! :)
    For having met you, I know how gorgeous and cool a person you are, shy too, you need to know how great you are for yourself, you made a brilliant impression on me, a lovely, clever, fun, witty,down to earth, heart on the hand girl You struck me as being extremely sane to. sad inside, but so sane!!!. If I was living in Singapore (I wish!!), I’d want to give you my full support, litterally be there for you. I’d love to go back, so it’s going to happen some day, and i’ll want to meet you there again!! (AND at Karin’s having a coffee by the beach:))). We’ve all missed you as you can see :))
    And what a return, you cracked me up with your “When i fart I blush”, gosh, I know a few friends who could do with that tee!!!
    Can’t wait to see what your witty brain and wacom gave birth to!! :)

  • frozenfa replied

    eeh? thought when i met you i was blur and confused sometimes.. i still appear witty? hehehehe… i guess i’m sadly sane? hehehe.. i do once miss laughing when i was sad, but it just felt weird and disturbing after that. lolz~ XD
    whoah.. instead of coming back, maybe we can arrange to meet in Oz instead eh? The we can have coffee n tea by the beach with Karin! YAY!! =D Glad you like “When i fart i blush”!! hehehe.. i love my brother’s humor.. he’s the best! XD

  • Cvail73

    Cvail73

    And a massive hug for you, mwah! XXX

  • frozenfa replied

    nyaaaa.. huggies, yay!! XD

  • MuscularTeeth

    MuscularTeethVoted Most Helpful Bubbler

    OY ! glad to see your back and alive and mostly well.
    hang in there fro, as i think we all love you.

  • frozenfa replied

    eheh.. yeap, am back.. sorta.. actually am not really ready to be back.. but hearing all you lovely people here makes it impossible to not get back asap~ XD

  • Tracey-Anne Pryke

    Tracey-Anne Pryke

    Well Fa what can I say …all the above…big big hug’s love your new work, awesome…..

  • frozenfa replied

    awww.. thank you, Tracey!!
    i saw your photo Karin shared!! you look so pretty!! =D now i can put a face to your name~ if only the sweater’s a lil smaller.. hehe.. is it winter over there now?

  • CateTownsend

    CateTownsend

    I must admit I was worrying too Fa….. and thought you may not be feeling so great. Wish you weren’t all the way over the ocean so I could give you a great big squeezy hug. Congratulations on the feature and I really really love the design you did with the wacom wow its amazing and so are you, take care lovely Fa xxoo

  • frozenfa replied

    aww.. thank you so much, Cate!! Hugs~
    are you from european country? or australia? wish i can hug you too, you’re so kind and sweet! X) glad you like the lil sketch!! Thank you for everything, Cate! GloMpZ!!!

  • Mui-Ling Teh

    Mui-Ling Teh

    It’s so nice to hear from you Fa! I’ve been locked away in studio the past few days cuz had a deadline yeaterday – within two days prior to the deadline I slept 3 hrs~~ I miss you and everyone here. It is really hard to keep up, I know. Sorry about your breakdown, but sounds like your brother is there for you and that’s good. I love you new designs! Hehe, “When I fart I blush” so cute! And congrats on the sales and feature! Nice job on the wacom sketch too; you’re so talented!

  • frozenfa replied

    whoah.. how’s the proj? have you managed to catch up on some proper sleep? miss you too, so sorry i haven’t been able to reply your bmails etc.. Glad you like the tee.. hehehe.. i love my bro! XD Thank you Mui-Ling!! Take care, k? must rest when you can! hugs!! X)

  • Cimmerrian

    Cimmerrian

    Welcome back FA ! So sorry for all you’ve been through , and happy to see you back with your amazing art … Kenny looks awesome .. cant wait to see more

  • frozenfa replied

    Allo Steve!! eheh.. am not really back, but i think i’ll be back soon.. lolz.. the wacom sketch is from Dear Pillow... Kenny’s not ready to appear yet.. tomorrow i guess.. he’s shy.. aha~ XD

  • frozenfa

    frozenfa

    umm.. i need to sleep.. will get back tomorrow to reply on the other lovely comments!! sorry for the delay.. ^ _ ^“

  • georgiegirl

    georgiegirl

    Poor you… You’ve had a few horrid weeks. I hope Udonchow caught up with you the other day and gave you all those hugs she’s been carrying!!
    I’m so relieved you have your brother to help you out. We all need somebody sometime, but they can’t always be relied upon. I wish the others wouldn’t hurt you so. It’s not fair. You are such a wonderful person. Can’t they see that? I don’t think you should waste your time mulling over what they think or say. That is only hurting you cos they obviously don’t care.

    I don’t suppose things got a bit worse after that day we all wrote about depression? That really took alot out of me. I usually just leave emotional stuff hidden down deep, its easier to live that way (for me), but after that day, all my bubbles burst and I was miserable and happy and moody at the same time for days. I think talking about stuff that happened and how I really felt and reading about everyone else and realising it’s good to share emotions is a good thing. I just wasn’t used to having all that stuff at the surface. It’s taken weeks to bounce back to being me again… mind you I was sick too (another thing that made me think maybe we reacted the same to that day, you were sick too).
    So I thought that maybe it all touched a raw nerve with you as well and everything else escallated out of control from opening up. Its just a thought.

    However it all escaped control doesn’t matter. What matters now is that you are ok and on the way up out of the bucket to being happy again. Are you wearing your duck feathers (eg. water just falls off duck feathers and doesn’t get in) to protect yourself? And drinking cammomile tea? That’s good for calming anxiety.

    I hope I don’t sound too harsh, but it’s a horrible thing to be so sad and picked on.
    It’s good that you’ve come back to the bubbles too, where lots of us love you and tell you so. Even if we’ve never met in person!! You take care of you and let your brother help more!!
    ;D
    xx GG

  • frozenfa replied

    oooO~ yes.. Ellen gave me one hell of a hug alright!! i was still down with cough that day, and almost choked by her hug! heheheh.. XD
    the day we wrote about depression.. the WHMD day? not really.. i’ve been hit on Sep, and been down since then.. i felt extra umm.. strong and determined that day though. it’s like.. i just want those who’re not understanding at least try to understand..

    am glad you’ve managed to bounced back to the usual you! i didn’t know you’re feeling down after that day.. am so sorry.. you can email me here if you need someone to listen, k? i’d check that email everyday, as compared to bmails.. =)
    i think i’ve been growing duck feathers on my head as days passes.. hehe.. haven’t drank chamomile in a long time though.. i love it chilled with honey!! =D
    Harsh? no no, not harsh.. when were you harsh? no worries, i don’t think there’s anyone harsher than the one being mean to me. hehehe.. XD Thank you, GG, for everything!! You’re really kind and sweet!! Hugs!!

  • Sean Rice

    Sean Rice

    oddly I just finished it as I read your comment :)

  • frozenfa replied

    aha!! kewl!! love it! XD

  • CazzieCreations

    CazzieCreations

    (((((((((((((((((HUGGLES))))))))))))))))))) Fa

  • frozenfa replied

    Thank you, Cazzie!! *_GlomPz!!http://www.frozenfa.com/images/design/emotimcon/timhug.gif!

  • GLAMAZON

    GLAMAZON

    You are so very open and honest…and strong – never ever forget that you ARE STRONG.xxx

  • frozenfa replied

    awww… thank you, Lisa!! i’ll be strong! and i’ll make sure i grow stronger with each setback~ Thank you!! Hugs!! The launch date is coming soon, right? All the best, Lisa!! wish i can be there.. though i think i’d look like a village girl if i am there.. hehehe.. All the best, Lisa!! You’d do great!! Go go go!! =D

  • GLAMAZON

    GLAMAZON

    You should see how i look when i relax! Oh dear!!!!!!!!! xxx If you came i’d make sure you had fun!

  • Cvail73

    Cvail73

    No you weren’t confused, you were very clear :) And I very much enjoyed being there with you! :) Rhoo I do fancy that coffee ach yes! :))))
    (I’ll still have to go back to Singapore, at least top taste that fragrant tofu again before I die, lol!! :))

    Hugz! :)))XXX

  • frozenfa replied

    Oo” fragrant tofu? where? is it the one at chinatown? the very strong smelly one? OO” wow.. i thought i was badly confused and slow when you were making jokes.. i felt so bad then.. hehe.. XD

  • mlgkats

    mlgkats

    hi , we are like one big family here one hurts we all are here , and it is ok for not replying when you can but it is good to hear from you , so just relax my friend :) any one here i am sure would listen to you if you need to talk as well , my ears are open any time :) xxx

  • frozenfa replied

    awww… thank you….......!!!

  • Midori Furze

    Midori Furze

    Hi, fa!!!
    Looooooooooove to hear from you!!
    : )))
    You are a very special person for a lot of people!!
    Look at all the beautiful comments you’ve got!! How wonderful!!

    ....But don’t work too hard….

    Lots of Love!!

  • Cvail73

    Cvail73

    He he he, in the little cafe across from the Roal peacock hotel near outram park station, in the middle of Keong Saik Road ….it was absolutely goergeous. Tastes fantastic + texture of creme brulee, aaaarghhh, to die for!! :)) Lucky you, you’ll be able to go and have some!! :)))
    Nah It was a spooky situation, I was a bit stunned too, meeting the famous Fa! in person!! :)))) XXX

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