The work experience guy...

“Aries?”
“Baaaaaaa…”

“Taurus?”
“Heere!”

“Gemini?!”
“Herehere!”

“Cancer?...... Cancer?”
“Sorry Zeus, he’s sick.”
“Really? What with?”
“Got crabs…”

“Hmph. Leo?”
“Roar!!”
“Jesus Leo, brush your teeth before these meetings will you? That stank!”
“Sorry…”

“Virgo? Virgo?”
“Just coming!”
“Alright you lot, quit sniggering. Virgo, try to be punctual will you?”
“Yes sir. Sorry sir.”

“Right. Libra?”
“She’s not coming sir.” Virgo offered. “She’s still sulking about that whole… you know… Feminine Hygiene Product thing…”
“Oh for the love of Me, hasn’t she got over that yet?”

“She’s a little thin skinned, isn’t she Zeus?”
“A bit up herself?”
“If she relaxed she’d perhaps absorb a little more teasing eh?”
“Yeah. Sure is easy to yank her chain…”
“Enough you lot!” Zeus roared “I guess I’ll have to do something about it. Maybe I can pull some strings…”
“Hur hur hur. Sorry.”

“Damn right.” Zeus continued “Scorpio?”
“I am here seenyore…”
“Where? Oh Christ Scorp, get out of my boot will you?”
“Sorry seenyore. Force of habit…”

“Mm. Sagittarius?”
“Oh I’m here…”
“Oooh! Steady Sagit, you could put an eye out with that…”
“Sorry Virgo. I wasn’t aiming at your eye…”
“Naughty boy…”

“Capricorn?” Zeus yelled over the flirting.
“Here.”
“Good. Aquarius?”
“Yoohoo! I’m here Darling!”
“Don’t call me Darling in public.” Zeus blushed. “Er. Nice shorts. Very… minimalist.”
“Ooh you big Tease…”

“Alright, alright. Did anyone bring Pisces?”
“I have him right here.” Volunteered Aquarius. “I put a nice new rock in his bowl. He was almost remembering the other one I swear…”

“Right.” Said Zeus. “You all know why we’re here. We’re going to have a thirteenth sign for a while. No, no, just for a few centuries! Don’t get all worked up! He’s just here on work experience, okay?”
“He’s not the spider is he?” Asked Aries. “Only I hate spiders…”
“No, he’s not the spider.”
“It had better not be that rabbit either.” Began Virgo “You just can’t trust them. Breed like…. Well… They breed a lot…”
“No, not the rabbit.” Sighed Zeus. “Look, you’ll all know him when you meet him. He’ll be fine, I assure you. Should be here any minute now…. Ah!”

“Greetings I bring. Help you I can…”
“YODA??!!” everyone yelled at once.
“Yes. Yoda I am. Zodiac I am to be. Mmmmm Virgo. Feel the Force, you will. Mmhmhmhmhmhmhmhm!!!”
“Really! You’re far too…small.”
“Think size important, do you? Judge me by my size, do you?”
“Leave her alone you little green turd!” Yelled Sagittarius “I’ll give you a right shafting!”
“Feel my light sabre you will! Separate you from your balls, I will! Heeyaaaah!”

Aquarius snatched Pisces out of the way and sat his bowl on the arm of Zeus’s throne. Zeus watched the remaining Signs brawl with Work Experience Yoda, chin in hands. A small thundercloud gathered over his head. Lightning shorted out around him.

“Oh bloody Hades. Go get me a Nectar will you Aquarius.”
“I’m right on it Zeusy baby. And later, you know, maybe I can be ‘right on it’ again, eh?”
“Get stuffed Aquarius.”
“I live in hope, Zeusy-boy…”

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the, of, signs, comedy, zodiac and zodiac13