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untitled (lifted from my journal)

Be merciful, I beg you
You know that I am dust
and broken soul fragments
bound together by a fragile spirit
floundering my way through a finite world
scarred and damaged beyond reason

And I know that you’re out there, too
and that you hear me
Though I wonder whether you care,
if I mean anything to you at all

So I borrow the words and platitudes
the songs composed by others
hoping their charitable act of forming and sharing their cliched words and setting them to tired chords
could somehow convey to you what’s happening in my heart

And those little moments in the music
those emotive notes and timed pauses
are somehow meant to suffice
as a way for me to tell you how I feel
to let my spirit speak

It’s not enough anymore
they aren’t my words.
Sure, they bridge the gap between us for a moment
but then what?
The moment passes
it was all just borrowed praise
but it disintegrates into meaningless noise and clamour

The pretty faced girls are meant to sing these things to you
I’m not that
not enough
never enough
never good enough

I want to be good enough
I want the words to be my own
but I don’t know where to begin

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untitled (lifted from my journal) by 


24 June 2011 / 27 June 2011

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Comments

  • Norma-jean Morrison
    Norma-jean Mor...over 3 years ago

    Gee, i love your words and they are by you love is in many forms, and i love you as you are a good top lady, you are not a snob, and high and mighty a wonderful person with courage to have done what you have done all honors and i say congratulation always my friend Fiona, all love Normaje..

  • Thank you for your kind words and encouragement, Normaje! :) You are very kind.

    – Fiona Lokot

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