The greatest abyss of all, where everything no longer of value is tossed. It has gotten a lot of use these past years. Seems I was carrying a lot of things no one really wanted, and which I certainly do not need. Some were treasures given to me at my arrival. Others were toys and trinkets I found exploring. As each was tossed, I wondered if perhaps someday, someone might ask me for such? Would I feel foolish for tossing it? Would I regret having discarded something important to another? Would I try to retrieve it from the abyss? I suppose these questions are more about my feeling of importance. Having some value, some worth to an other. Of course, the Human is wanted in many scenes and processes. Yet this Human is just a host, useful and of value to me but in a temporary way. Shedding the excess baggage has made my journey easier although a bit more empty. I suppose, feeling that I had or have something to offer an other, this reality, Humans, or whatever, is all about me. As I now am beginning to realize, the joy in seeing your success is mine,. You may actually not feel joy, rather you may feel growing pains. Perhaps it is wrong to help others grow, especially if the growth requires constant energy. For some, it may feel like a burn or nit picking, or worse.
What To Do
I believe it is best to maintain myself in my house. I’ll leave the door unlocked. I have never had a visitor anyway, or not one I have seen personally. I have long suspected that visitors come and go when I am not present. I have no key to my door and so it is always unlocked when I am away. I sometimes lock it when I am home, but have not done so for many years. The world outside my door is much the same as always. It just feels a bit closer than before. The distant horizon, featureless and unending, bracketed a great desert called oblivion. The back of my house was on the edge of oblivion. Reality outside my front door. As reality comes closer, I used to move towards the horizon, but now there is no further to go. I used to wander about but over the years I discovered it was uncomfortable for others to see my bliss. It made some angry to see my success. Others learned to hate me for my awareness. Some even considered me an enemy that manifests as evil. Even in my masks, I was not permitted in some circles. There were many things in my experience that caused grief and pain to others. All because I felt I had something to offer. Is time about reason or about guessing? Why did I have to feel important or useful? The interaction between my sense of self and this body sometimes causes confusion and disorientation. I so long for who and what I am. The need for pretense and secrets is appalling to me.
As Long As No One Knows (Rules of Behavior #1)
There are a few unspoken laws or rules that Humans obey. The first and most important is applied everyday by most everyone. If you don’t get caught its OK, or what no one knows never happened. It is a very useful rule. It allows for the continuation of life. Without this rule, life would cease. It is only through exploration and discovery, (the doing that no one knows), that growth happens. Like everything else in the flicker light, this rule can also be applied to produce negative results. Of course, it is far easier to get results negatively than positive growth, such that the rule is most often invoked to hide a trespass or transgression or to shield willful deceit and ill gotten spoils. Why ruin a perfectly good perception with reality? As long as no one knows, everything is just fine and dandy.
There’s Always A Reason or Excuse (Rules of Behavior #2)
There is a second rule that is used for all occasions when the first rule won’t do. For example, suppose someone saw you throw away food, and suggested you were wasting it. You’d probably say something like: I accidentally took too much, or I didn’t know how full I’d get, or I really shouldn’t have taken any to begin with. Any behavior that is observed can easily be excused. However, some behaviors will not be tolerated and must be practiced in secret. Things always look best when you’re not looking at them. If you observe anything long enough, eventually you’ll discover an opportunity or potential for growth. This indirectly implies that the current state is less desirable than the growth state. Everything was made of the same stuff using pretty much the same tools. Everything leaks a little and in the flickering light, everything appears two sided. One can never be sure on which side communication works best. That’s why this rule is effective. There’s always a reason when there is no motivation.
What is to become of the Human? It will not survive the collapse of the great dams. Even small leaks can cause problems. Despite thousands of years of preparation, the Human is still too fragile to persist. Various shelters were assembled but like most other animals, none of them stayed nearby. Though just beasts of burden, their contribution to our success is enormous if not deadly. Without their body, this moment would not exist. Strange how that which is useless for all but one purpose, seems worthy of remembrance and appreciation. Yet that which provides the base upon which all others stand, is reminded constantly of their imperfections and uneven approaches. Human is closer to the divine that all else, yet few seem able or interested in that potential.
The human experience is profound. Are human bodies hosts as many religions suggest? Are we travelers seeking to grow in wisdom and discover the Earth is one of the best schools for karma and temptation? Every expression and opinion has value. The only thing that differentiates opinions is the quality of the value.