Chain Reaction
For Star Twister 12- Narcissism.
Chain Reaction belongs to the following groups:
Short stories - Spherical Scriptings, Twisted Tales and WMGJenny walked in the front door, muttering to herself.
“If I jumped into the river, my hair would have been ruined, after I spent two hours straightening it. Then, because I was soaking wet, I would have gotten cold and got pneumonia.”
“Jenny, what are you doing?” her mother asked, looking at her queerly.
“If I got pneumonia, I would have missed my senior picture. Then I wouldn’t have my picture in the yearbook. My name would be at the bottom of the page, under the ‘Not Pictured’ list. No one would remember me. They’d read my name and say, ‘Jenny Davis? Do I know her?’ and then ‘Oh, yeah, the girl who had pneumonia and didn’t show up on picture day.’ I would be so depressed.”
“Jenny, where-” her mom began.
“Oh, then, because I was so depressed, my grades would suffer and I’d end up failing my SATs. Without good SAT scores, I’ll never get into college, and I’ll end up marrying an illegal immigrant and working double shifts at McDonalds to pay off the rent for our dingy little apartment. I would never amount to anything. It’s a good thing I didn’t jump into the river.”
“Jenny, where’s your brother?”
“Oh, he fell into the river, and I would have jumped in to save him, but… (The door slams)…Mom? Where’d you go?”
deliriousgirl
HAAAAAA!!!! Very nice!!!! Like the touch about straightening her hair, I would have thought the same thing, I’m sorta hair obsessed!!!
filfil replied
Thanks! Isn’t everyone obsessed? I mean, after all that hard work, a drop of water would ruin it.
jcmontgomery
LOL…OMG filfil. I knew someone or something had fallen in the river, but her little brother! Oh that poor mother. I just love the self conversation you gave your character—so realistic.
filfil replied
Thanks JC! My little brother was bugging me while I was writing, so I thought I’d add him in. (Just kidding!) I’m glad you liked it!
Roger Sampson
Ya got me friend!!! Like JC said, I did not see the brother coming at all!!! Good writing, very clever… you’re good :)
Rog
filfil replied
Thanks Roger! You make me smile!
WanderingAuthor
Great, funny story. Awful, nasty sister, who doesn’t deserve an illegal immigrant or a job at McDonalds. Incredibly patient mother, who didn’t stick Jenny’s skull in the door jamb before she slammed it. :D
filfil replied
Haha…Thanks WA! That was funny. The mother should have done that.
Paul Rees-Jones
Wow, I knew someone was in the river, but the brother, wow…good twist, enjoyed the read!
filfil replied
Thanks Paul! Glad you enjoyed!
Miri
hahaha…very good…you got me..love the ‘in the head’ dialogue, great stuff!
filfil replied
Thanks Bex! I’m happy the twist worked, as well as the dialogue!
Damian
LOL, that’s wonderful filfil, such a great fit to the theme :)
filfil replied
Thanks Damian! (Smiling like crazy as I write these comments!)
Alison Pearce
Excellent twist!! Great write Filfil!
filfil replied
Thanks so much Alison!
Debbie Irwin
Oh, so excellent :)
filfil replied
Thanks Debbie!
IAmSam
This is really good, I liked it.
filfil replied
Thanks Sam!
jcmontgomery
:tosses handfuls of confetti
Grats on placing 1st!!
filfil replied
:shakes hair to get the confetti out
Thanks JC!
Miri
yay!! congratulations on 1st, that’s so awesome & so deserved :-)
filfil replied
Awww…Thanks Bex!
Natella2020
Congratulations on making first. I hope you can come up with something good for the next competition.
filfil replied
Thanks Natella! I have something in mind, hope you like it!
Craig Mowat
Nice work filfil (and congrats on the win) . You found the voice of the self obsessive to a tee.
filfil replied
Thanks Craig! I’m glad it worked out, though I hope that’s not how I sound!
Zolton
Ha. Did you see that movie Heathers? Congrats, filfil. Love your writing. Keep it up!
filfil replied
Thanks! No, I haven’t seen that movie, what is it about? I like the title of it.
Alison Pearce
Congrats on a really well deserved win Filfil!!!
filfil replied
Thanks Alison! Congrats to you too! Your story was awesome!
Alix Purcell
Sooo funny! I love it! She’s completely trying to justify herself the whole way through and I never saw that twist coming! Great write! :)
filfil replied
Thank you so much Alix! Don’t we all do that at times? Choose not to do something we know we should have and then make up excuses to take the blame off ourselves. But I think most people would have jumped in, so she is just self-centered!
pauldrobertson
heehehehe awesome. ah met a girl just like that last night!!