Sleeping Beauty - An Adventure in Editing
This is an edited version WanderingAuthor’s Sleeping Beauty.
The title was taken from Natella2020’s version.
Stan descended the rocky pass into the valley. He was even more determined to continue his journey, having heard the story behind the cursed valley and the bitter feud that led to its desertion. The Shakespearean saga had only sparked his curiosity.
The forest ahead was dense and tangled, and the roof of the tower soared above the treetops. He found splinters of an iron-bound door guarding the entry. Rusty armour and yellowed bones were scattered along the stairway.
At the head of the stair stood an intact, yet unyielding, door. With his knife, he began probing the keyhole. A moment later, the door shifted with a puff of ancient dust.
On an ornate bed, a woman was stretched out as if for burial. She was a beautiful woman. Dark hair framed a perfect face. Long lashes and a chiseled nose gave her the look of a noblewoman.
Stan gaped, remembering old fairy tales. No one must have survived to rescue her. How grateful she would be, when she awoke to find all her enemies dead.
Gently, he touched his lips to hers. Her eyes flew open, and she wrapped one arm about his neck, holding him to her. Then, he felt a sharp pain in his side.
She released him and he staggered back, eyes on the bloody dagger in her other hand.
“I told you I would never wed you. Never!” She stopped. “Who are you?”
Stan collapsed, feeling blood leaking from him much too quickly. “A traveler, nothing more, my Lady.”
It must have been a bitter feud indeed if a woman who slept for centuries woke ready to kill her rescuer.
IAmSam
This is a good edited version of the original. And I se you finally wrote it down. . .
filfil replied
Haha…I know I’m a bit late. Thanks for your comment.
IAmSam
I meant “see.”
filfil replied
I see…
Natella2020
Thanks for stealing my title, filfil. This is actually pretty good, though I don’t really understand where you got the Shakesperean saga from. Post a link in WA’s journal to let him know that you’ve got this up.
filfil replied
Hey, I thought we were supposed to call it that. Romeo and Juliet. Ever heard of it. The Montagues and the Capulets, a bitter feud between two controlling families..ring a bell? Thanks for the comment! I’m glad you thought so.
Miri
Hey filfil, very good editing! think you’ve captured the essence of the original piece very well!
filfil replied
Thank you so much, Bex! I loved yours and didn’t know how mine was going to hold up compared to it.
WanderingAuthor
I think it’s interesting to see all the different versions, and yours is a good retelling of the original. I’m not at all unhappy to see what you’ve done with it. Now, we’re just waiting for one more entry before I post mine. (The “perfect lenght” one; when everyone’s had time to look that over, I’ll post the “word count” version.)
filfil replied
Thank you, WA. I was very worried about what you would think. I’m glad to hear your comment. I can’t wait to read your posts!