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A year

It’s a year to the day since I attempte suicide, I was hours off it being irreversiable when I called for help.(read about it: freedom)
Not much has changed unfotunately.
Back then I had no friends, no prospect, no hope for the future, nothing to do with my days but exist.
Then after I gained friends, a life, a litlle hope. But I was still chasing that end, pushing it hoping for an accidental over dose.

And now a year to the day I fucked it all up so now I’m friendless, futureless and nothing to do wih my days but exist.

But today is going to be different, I am not going to end up in hospital ( I did that last weekend). I am not going to spend this night alone, or even in this house.

It’s true I didn’t plan on spending ANY of the day at home, but my good wholsome plans were cancelled due to bad weather and illness, and tonight my brother is picking me up and were going to get shit faced and escape this reality.

I’m told that escaping never works and I’m stupid for messing with substance while in this state of mind but fuck them I’m living life to the fullest and to the best of my ability.

I cut my hair last night, and I’m dressed in a way I have never before, because this is my new year… My new beginning, put that year behind and move forward. New friends, new life, new morals, new job, new everything.

Comments

  • raymondoantonio
    raymondoantonioover 4 years ago

    GO OUT THERE AND KICK ARSE!! LIFE IS SO PRECIOUS AND WORTH ENJOYING EVERY MOMENT!! YOU’VE LEARNED TO LOVE YOURSELF!! XO

  • YES YES it is =D
    Maybe not love my self but I’ve learnt that living life to the full is more important then the drama I have gotten myself into.

    – exposedbutloved

  • Tomi10
    Tomi10over 4 years ago

    You’re never friendless nor aimless. There are many here including me that will always care and be there. Sometimes life’s plans aren’t always clear….. sort of not seeing the forest for the trees. In time a course will be plotted even if you don’t see it happening.
    You’re a fun strong headed young lady, Look after yourself because I DO need you.

  • I eat, I breath.. thats looking after myself =]
    I do lov your friendship and everyone’s on here, but I feel they are different from the friendships I have that are face to face and in person… And I miss socialising every day lik I use to.

    I have a strong possibility of having an apprentiship depending on how I go in the interview tomorrow morning.

    I wont be getting fucked tonight, chris resceduled for tomorrow night.

    – exposedbutloved

  • Tomi10
    Tomi10over 4 years ago

    lol… probably for the best as you will have a clear head!! I wish you so much luck!! =)
    I do know what you mean, but the friends I (we) have on RB mean so much and at times
    seem so strong and uplifting. All will be ok my friend you make friends easily and in the circle of life friends move on…. our lives change as do the circles we spin in.

  • or a worse head?

    Everyone on here and more so with some special ones ( lol you know who you are)
    I’m not sure I’m ready to move on from my current friends but I don’t have much choice aparently…

    – exposedbutloved

  • RaOrEmraeh
    RaOrEmraehover 4 years ago

    One day at a time my friend…make each one different, in some small way. Believe me, things change, cross my heart!

  • Things do change… Not always for the best. My deeds have a habbit of haunting me for at least a little while. =] I’ll be back on my feet soon enough, when the physical signs of my latest misdeeds go away..

    – exposedbutloved