A year

It’s a year to the day since I attempte suicide, I was hours off it being irreversiable when I called for help.(read about it: freedom)
Not much has changed unfotunately.
Back then I had no friends, no prospect, no hope for the future, nothing to do with my days but exist.
Then after I gained friends, a life, a litlle hope. But I was still chasing that end, pushing it hoping for an accidental over dose.

And now a year to the day I fucked it all up so now I’m friendless, futureless and nothing to do wih my days but exist.

But today is going to be different, I am not going to end up in hospital ( I did that last weekend). I am not going to spend this night alone, or even in this house.

It’s true I didn’t plan on spending ANY of the day at home, but my good wholsome plans were cancelled due to bad weather and illness, and tonight my brother is picking me up and were going to get shit faced and escape this reality.

I’m told that escaping never works and I’m stupid for messing with substance while in this state of mind but fuck them I’m living life to the fullest and to the best of my ability.

I cut my hair last night, and I’m dressed in a way I have never before, because this is my new year… My new beginning, put that year behind and move forward. New friends, new life, new morals, new job, new everything.

Journal Comments

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