Breathe, make your chest rise and fall, sounds of the day are falling away.
I’m awake once again much to my dismay, and I’m hungry.
As my eyes adjust to the dim light of the cupboard, clothes hang above me like angels without feet. I shiver and wonder if God can see me, a creature without a soul, and if he can, would he have the mercy to strike me down.
Ok, Ok, I’ll stop be so dramatic, I’m not the only one of my kind, I wasn’t the first and I won’t be the last. I don’t stand up, but push the doors open with my feet and fly to the window of my small but comfortable bedroom. Outside my world is waking up, the moon is on the rise and shades of blue and grey blur the edges of reality. On the street below a cat slinks out from under a hedge row, she looks up at my window and hisses, pees herself and then runs away, I hate it when they do that.
As I said I’m hungry.
I can see the soft glow of an apple coming from my desk, time to go shopping. As I open my lap top I wonder who will be out there tonight, maybe Sue, the 13 year old from Australia. Little Sue, soft and ripe for the picking, 13 is such a great age, life is just starting to get interesting. Sue has a boyfriend, Scott, and they are planning to have sex soon, Scott wants to now but Sue wants to surprise him on their 6 month anniversary.
Or maybe Andy from California, he’s 45, beer bellied and balding. Though on Club Penguin his name is Max, he is 8 years old and he likes Pokemon and skating. Andy has a dark calculating mind, and he smells like rotting onions, I can’t wait to meet him.
Why do I get so much junk mail? Ah, I have a message from Kate wanting to meet for “coffee”, our code name for, she need more money as she has already spent the last lot I gave her. I give Kate money to keep her off the street and at home with her little girl Lilly. Kate isn’t a bad person she just keeps making bad choices. Bad men are attracted to her like bees to honey and it doesn’t help that she will sleep with any guy that has a hard on. Lilly however is the cutest little thing, she has straw blond hair and big blue eyes with the longest black lashes. She is smart and cheeky and loves pink beanie bears. Deep inside Lilly knows I’m not like her and her mum, she knows I’m dark, she knows I shouldn’t be on this earth, but surprisingly, knowing all this makes Lilly love me. Ditto kid.
As I dress, I run my fingers along the deep scar that runs from the middle of my chest straight down into the fine dark hair of my private parts. It is still raised and raw after all this time, a reminder, trust no one, because sometimes even those who are supposed to love and protect you, fail.
Late night writing