True Blue Aussie Story

Lets all get on the blower and chuck a sicky on Tuesday and get really pissed on Mundee. It would be great, But the boss would most likely chuck a wobbly and go Berko on Wednesday and might even give you the sack. Then when your Missus finds out you will proberly have a blue and you’ll be getting a good Earbashing, Then the better half will go walkabout, She’ll be off like a bag of prawns in the hot sun, Just out of the blue she will pack up and blow through. But don’t worry she’ll be back after Brekky since she’s got no Brass, But you’ve got Buckley’s chance of getting a shag, But thats not a issue since she a bush pig and a bit of a dingbat and she’s noisy as a Dunny door in a storm. But you married her because your no catch, And a bit of a drip, A drongo and a half wit yourself and your life resembles a Dog’s Breakfast and the only reason you got hitched was because she was up the duff because you did the Naughty without wearing a raincoat. But she’s not bad in the Nick, Huge knockers and it turned your noggin to jelly when you see her In the Nuddy, Or when your Have a Squiz when she’s only in her nickers. Thats how she got the Bun in the Oven, You know Up the Spout, Well that and she’s a good root, Great in the sack! Now you both have a anklebiter on the way and your about to become a old man.

So after pulling that stunt you’ll have to drink with the flies for a while. But before you go round the bend, Try and make up with the Missus by Lob in on her and offering to take her to the Flicks, Thats a sure fire chance of getting her to come round, You know it’s a goer! After the flick you two can have a gander, Well she’ll do most of the gasbagging as she’s a real windbag and hopefully at the end of the night everything will be grouse and who knows, If you Haggle you might even get some action! You know Humping, Doing the dirty Howzat!! If not, You can always plonk yourself infront of the idiot box in your jocks. But if you want some action show your Misses your Keen as mustard, Or maybe get her to get her laughing gear around a Lady blamey or two, You know Liquid amber! You got to use your Loaf if you want to score! But if she knocks you back don’t do your Lolly, Just tell her you was just Mucking around say to right darl I’m Nackered anyway and go have a few quiet ones by yourself.

Drown your sorrows with a few Long necks or a couple hand grenades. Maybe call over a couple mates so you don’t end up going mad as a cut snake, Just invite the usual Mob or the Missus will tell you and your mates to get nicked and she might even hit you in the nuggets, You know the two beans and frank, The boys, You get my drift. Then she’ll really be Pissed off! Then you’ll have to Pull up your socks, And pull your head in and buy her some nice Prezzies so she won’t think your a complete Ratbag. Don’t be a Scrounge either, Because Sheila’s don’t like guys with Short arms deep pockets, You know a complete Tightarse. Just admit Shellacking, And She’ll be right, Or at least you hope she doesn’t get Agro, Spit the dummy, Call you a Wanker, Have a Whinge and tell you to Shove off! This will mean more Hard Yakka, Or you could just Write it off and crack open another Tinnie in proper true blue fashion.

Happy Australia Day Everybody! :)

Journal Comments