For a while nothing happened – slow seconds seeped past, maudlin minutes meandered and time trickled in a torpid torrent until the lady with blushing hair and algal eyes appeared, languidly loping with lissom limbs towards the lake, melding into the autumnal arbors until she reached the bench, whereupon she sat down and scratched her nose.
Lakeside Love
I am NO writer – but my very good friend Miri is (and bloody good at it too). I love reading her stuff, and have been very amused by her entries into this challenge, so I thought I’d have a stab. Please don’t take it seriously – it’s supposed to be bad!
Written for Flash Fiction’s June First Challenge Bulwer Lytton
It was a dark and stormy night …
Basically, the competition challenges entrants to write the first paragraph of the worst novel ever told. The above line opens the 1830 novel by Edward George Bulwer-Lytton called Paul Clifford and although apparently it’s not a bad novel, the line has been so over-used over the years that it has become a painful cliche.
This month’s first challenge is to have a go at a BL-esque opening paragraph – you don’t have to write the novel, just that all-important first few lines….
Miri, 2 months ago
so truly truly bad which makes it so very very good!!! i like ‘time trickled in a torpid torrent ’ LOL
Alison Pearce, 2 months ago
Great entry!
Emma Robinson in reply to Miri’s comment, 2 months ago
Ha! I know – there’s just nothing quite like contradictory alliteration to really seal the deal is there?
Emma Robinson in reply to Alison Pearce’s comment, 2 months ago
Thank you! I thought as a first time writer, it was only appropriate to showcase how bad I am!
Natella2020, 2 months ago
Hilarious! Best wishes for the competition!
MickyMc, 2 months ago
Time certainly trickled in a torpid torrent when I was reading this; excruciating pap! Well done!
Emma Robinson in reply to MickyMc’s comment, 2 months ago
Aw thanks – I am adding ‘excrutiating pap’ to my feedback files!
Karirose, 2 months ago
Seeping seconds, meandering minutes—totally delightful! What great fun to read. :)
Emma Robinson, 2 months ago
Thanks Karirose! I don’t think I’ll be beating a path to the nobel path to literature any time soon, but it was good fun to be so awful!
adgray, 2 months ago
Being a red head I love the line “The lady with the blushing hair!” :O)
Mind you MY red hair is now a darker auburn than the bright red of my youth! ... and man did I blush a lot because of it! :O) [“No I’m not blushing I’m sunburnt!” was a usual reply! :O)]
Great read by the way I don’t think it all that awful …. but then I’m weird :O) ... Chookas! ♥
Damian, about 1 month ago
Haha, wonderful stuff, pure literature (I mean Bulwer Lytton, LOL!) ;)
Emma Robinson in reply to adgray’s comment, about 1 month ago
Thanks adgray – I can’t believe you don’t think it’s that awful! Would you really want to read a book with that much torturous imagery…? Really?*
Emma Robinson in reply to Damian’s comment, about 1 month ago
Thanks Damian. I think it was as painful to think up all that alliteration as it hopefully was to read… cheers!
adgray, about 1 month ago
hee hee hee it was fun deciphering it! :O)
put it with gorgeous cartoons and it would be a stunner! :O)
algal eyes :O)
at least she had a nose that was itchy & lissome limbs :O)
Something Graeme Base could help out with I’m sure [or Dr Seuss?] :O)
Chookas! ♥