This book is designed to transform your self-image and, consequently, the way you think, feel and operate in your close encounters with the opposite sex.
It offers a radical alternative to the common advice issuing from a wishful, male bias and/or orthodox psycho-analytical sources, as applied to conventional models of relationship.
The information it contains could well be described as wicced – in the ancient and (reclaimed) modern sense of the word – meaning “clever”, “witty”, “brilliant”, “wise”, and deriving from the same Anglo-Saxon root as witan, meaning “to know”, “to see”, “to understand”. This understanding guarantees that you can no longer be misled and limited as to your potential for success and satisfaction in any intimate circumstances.
My assertions and suggestions are drawn, in part, from the testimonies of numerous clients, vouchsafed to me in my capacity as a counselor and “agony-aunt” over a period of thirty years. They bear witness to what actually IS from a grass-roots level, describing the real dynamics operating in all intimate relationships; what actually works, in the context of increasing your pleasure and empowerment, and what definitely does not.
In the past we have been assured that, “Love should be essentially an act of will, of decision [i.e. an act of ego] to commit completely to that one other person”. Let me tell you now that love is no such thing. Erotic love demonstrates the awesome force of pelvis-power over will-power, the strength of natural instinct over human social custom and religious restraints. As all lovers are aware, rational choice rarely prevails over passion. When poets and sages declare that “love is blind,” this is to say that passionate love is non-intellectual, irrational, uncontrollable.
My aim is to teach you how to go with the flow of it by challenging – and even reversing – the advice of orthodox authorities. Move with that power strong enough to turn the tides and force the first shoots of snowdrops through the frozen ground in spring. Don’t resist it and run away from the Wolf, the Muse and Maenad, from the wild genius of natural instinct within.
Again, according to the popular relationship guru cited above, for sex to be great there must be loving and supportive communication in the relationship. Oh please, get real! Have you ever been waiting for a man, and listing all the reasons why you should NOT open the door to him? He’s inconsiderate, uncommunicative, unreliable, moody… And then, when that knock comes on the door, not only do you let him in, but you also start tearing off your clothes in the hallway? If not, you don’t know what passion is yet, but you will by the time you have absorbed the information in these pages.
In our future, it is likely that obsolete ideas of sexuality, founded on orthodox religious principles, will be replaced by the far less ambivalent attitudes of former faiths. From the rites of the primitive tribal shaman to those of the various goddesses of antiquity, the religious practices of our matriarchal ancestors, descending into the sexual sacraments of mystery sects, involved “ancient techniques of ecstasy”.Yes, early faiths were founded on sexual/spiritual pleasure, as contrasted with later, patriarchal belief systems which place emphasis on pain, descending into early twentieth-century psychoanalytical theory and modern pop psychology.
For instance, to heal the heart after a loss or rejection, and before getting involved again, we have been advised to link the hurt we feel now with unresolved feelings in our past. Then we can be free of pain in the future.
I’ll run that past you again: you can be free of pain in the future by dredging up your past pain and reliving it now. along with the present pain your cheating boyfriend is causing you? The trouble with this theory is that, as authentic teachers tell us, all our thoughts and acts in the NOW create the future. All you get by experiencing past pain is more pain.
“The horror of that moment,” declares the White King in Lewis Carroll’s Alice’s Adventures Through the Looking Glass, “I shall never, never forget!”
“You will, though,” replies the Queen, “if you don’t make a memorandum of it.”
You see, as orthodox authorities themselves admit, once you start in conventional treatment – and reading self-help books penned by conventional therapists – “there are always more layers of pain to uncover.” You don’t say! Ideally, they tell you, you should see a practitioner: that is, pay someone to help you feel your pain – in the same way that the medieval “witch” was once forced to pay for her own imprisonment and torture!
On a psychological level the truth is that you are far more likely to be dwarfed by pain than gain any growth through it. Physical pain has to exist as the body’s alarm response, to stop you repeatedly placing your hand, say, on a hot stove. This pain is the body screaming out, “HELP! Get me medicine”. Psychological pain is different. No-one has the power or right to cause you to suffer in this way. Think of this book as the antidote to your painful conditioning in the arena of relationships.
If you want to attract the man of your dreams you need less doubt, despair and angst, and more confidence. And your self-image and self-confidence must be based on solid foundations or they will collapse in trying circumstances. From now on, yours will be founded on your female heritage.
The first few chapters of this book will reveal to you the former status of women as priestesses, prophetesses, great queens and battle commanders; as initiators and educators of men. A brief survey of male-female relationships from the dawn of time is provided, which will explain a great deal about how we behave the way we do today; just as an understanding of the mythology of goddess-figures determines how we will evolve.
Ancient myths and folk tales provide us with insights into the sexual politics and wisdom of our ancestors, their responses to love, jealousy, conflict and religious longing. Moreover, it is said that the ancient gods and goddesses of mythology exist incarnate in ourselves as we relate them to our lives; so that we are then no longer stumbling blind through our personal social dramas, but acting out the great archetypal situations of all time.
However, as the novelist and social commentator George Orwell pointed out, whoever controls the past controls our future. It is the interpretation of our history that decides who we are, how we think, feel, behave and develop; and for far too long now we have looked to the fields of psychology and psychotherapy for insights into the significance of the images and symbols rising up from our sub-conscious minds. Many of these are now recognised as fundamentally mistaken.
Take, for example, the tale of Andromeda who, in classical Greek myth, is chained to a rock, about to be devoured by a sea-monster until the hero Perseus saves her. According to the celebrated psychologist, C.G. Jung, Perseus represents the woman’s animus (her inner, male self), while the sea-monster signifies the “powers of darkness” from which the hero frees the maiden. Not until the late twentieth-century did researchers dare to expose many of Jung’s “archetypes” as stereotypes and reveal the true meaning of the original pre-patriarchal myth. Actually, Andromeda’s name means “Ruler of Men”, placing her in the lineage of the great queens of antiquity who chose and deposed their consorts according to their merit; nearly always favouring the dark knight over the solar hero (Perseus).
Just imagine for a moment that you are Andromeda as a helpless and fearful victim in chains. Now imagine yourself as a proud and powerful goddess/queen, presiding freely over the combat between two suitors for your favours. How does the truth make you feel? Better, I’ll bet.
Consider the archetypal “dark man”, often appearing in a woman’s dreams. Mentioning this popular figure to a conventional therapist has the same effect as whispering “Macbeth” to an actor about to step out on stage, or flashing a crucifix in the face of a vampire. Small wonder then that, if you are in love with someone “mad, bad and dangerous to know”, a brooding Byronic type, a Heathcliff, they call you “unhealthy”. If you feel trapped in a safe and passionless marriage, and are having an stormy affair with a demon lover, you are a “sick child in need of parenting”.
Was the Great Goddess of antiquity “dysfunctional”, then, when she replaced her consorts who would, or could not, satisfy her? Was Guinevere “unhealthy” when she fell for Lancelot? Or are orthodox authorities “in denial” of the truth these tales are intended to to convey?
The trouble with most therapists is that they try to persuade you something is wrong with you when, in fact, everything is just fine. Steeped in classical and priestly theories of sexuality (in which erotic love is seen as a threat to safety and sanity), their values are essentially as conservative as the kind of popular women’s fiction in which sensible girls always reject the bad boys and opt for the boring and steady blokes.
Respect to the maverick psychiatrist, R.D. Laing, who blew the whistle on his profession, asserting that signs of incipient health and sanity are routinely diagnosed as sickness; and that, when patients appeared to be acting out the phases of the old sacred drama of the goddess and her lovers, this was the very process he was being employed to “heal”, that is, to stop happening!
Part II of this book, Basic Techniques, will show you how to make it happen for you. It addresses the questions and concerns of all women in love, from beginners to seasoned campaigners, and offers radical solutions to the problems arising in all intimate relationships.
It is written to make you lol (laugh out loud) in places, because lightening up will improve your chances of enjoying a successful relationship. Not only does a sense of humour release stress, it also reveals the flaws in your thinking that caused the stress. Quite often you will find that it is not necessary to change your circumstances, just your perspective.
You will learn the magic of paradox in these pages, how to get what you want by letting go, how to come closer by backing off, and how to go further, faster by slowing right down.
Nearly all the practical techniques offered in this guide derive from Eastern texts: those containing advice from Krishna, the Hindu God of Love himself, and those relating to the sexual/spiritual discipline known as Tantra: a Sanskrit term meaning to stretch or extend, generally referring to the time taken in enjoyment of sex, but also relating to the psychological foreplay between lovers.
You are about to learn its most powerful secrets: the trick of deferring your satisfaction to increase it, how to cool off in order to stoke up the fires of passion in your man.
You don’t play games? Maybe you have been persuaded that “healthy” people should refrain. What a tragedy! The fact is that all animals (including human animals) play instinctive and elaborate courtship games. Only in modern psychotherapeutic practice is this usually called “colluding”, as in some kind of crime. When a male peacock flourishes its tail feathers and struts about to attract a mate, would you call this display an example of collusion or simply beautiful, a miracle of nature?
New information, leading to new patterns of belief and behavior, can appear as threatening to some, and so I beg you please DON’T shoot the messanger who tells you there is an alternative, and that you CAN play the game of love; and that, actually, Nature ordains that we do because this is how we transform and evolve. In the eyes of sages and poets down the centuries, from the Buddha to Shakespeare, the whole of life is a game, the play of the God/dess, a dance of revelation and transformation. We are only going with the flow of Nature here, not denying or fighting it.
If you are reluctant to join in, perhaps you agree with the words of the song from that great movie, M.A.S.H.
“The game of life is hard to play
I’m gonna lose it anyway”
No, you are not. It’s just that the game rules of life and love have been hidden from you for centuries. But now they are set out for you in the following pages. You can either trust the old guard, or Krishna and yours truly. All I ask is that you try these techniques and experience the difference they make in your relationships.
Soon, you will find that it is possible to turn almost any situation around to serve you instead of being a slave to it, and that you can relieve your agony of separation (when things appear to be going wrong) within seconds. Misery is absolutely optional.
Being able to cast a magic spell (luring your man closer) is only half the story. It is sometimes necessary to dis-spell, to banish him from your mind now and again in order to focus on your own inner powers and guard against the passion-killer of dependency.
In Part III, you will learn how the dynamics of passion are used to promote psychic states, magical and spiritual experiences. Hey listen, you might as well! Got anything better to do while your man’s gone AWOL?
In shamanic and Tantric practices, the rites of Venus and Aphrodite and all mystery sects incorporating sexual sacraments, carnal knowledge and sacred knowledge are complementary. Chemistry exists not only for procreation, but also for pleasure, education, evolution and enlightenment. What’s more, the dark man, your demon lover, is the type of male chosen to aid a woman’s transformation. His very unreliability provides the incentive for her self-determination.
Back to paradox: you are in a far better position to attract and keep your man when you no longer need him. When you are experiencing optimum states as taught in these pages you will not rely on him to produce them for you. In reality, you need no-one to give you the magic you already own. The knowledge of this engenders confidence in a woman which spills out as charisma, X-factor, star-quality, glamour, a radiance others find irresistibly attractive. Moths to a flame, sisters! Enjoy yourselves.
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