For those wondering about my whereabouts… Here’s a copy of one of my replies…
I am drenched in the midst of a strange and unfamiliar place…grief. My grandmother past a day before my thirty forth birthday (last weekend) and I find myself pulling apart my heart as a person quizzically pulls apart the petals of a flower. I wondered what the chambers of my heart held that would cause immense pain and inconceivable joy simultaneously. I have since realized that my flesh has and is causing the immense pain and The Spirit Of The Most High God is the source of my inconceivable joy…how amazing!
My grandmother’s death took us all by surprise, I suppose God had to – if He had not – we would have prayed and believed and she would be with us now. She was tired and she was ready for her rest. I’ve never realized just how “spoiled” I have been; how sheltered and protected. Oh yes I knew all along that staying on His path of righteousness I would be kept…but to feel the burden of grief and not be able to wiggle free from it’s grasp or to see its toll bring strong Godly men down to weepers in woe prostrate on the floor was something I was not prepared for. Yet here I stand, we just placed her in the tomb and part of me is still in disbelief.
I am surprised at myself and disappointed as well…all the prayers God has answered and all the blessings I have received – yet – it is my unprepared soul that resounds brokenheartedly… “Why…” I know it is better this way, I know she needed rest, but I keep asking, “Why did you not tell me Lord,” He’s supplied the answer and I understand it and am comforted only for a moment like a hungry child being fed a pacifier… He’s never kept something from me like this – especially of this magnitude. I suppose one day when I least expect it – God will supply the answer that will quench my questioning soul.
Your bubble-mail jumped start my soul like a defibulator attached to a fluttering heart and for that, I am grateful! I know the feeling you was addressing when you stated, “I’m still taking one step forward and ten steps backward.” I can tell you for a fact that I am still doing that myself and probably will as long as I am residing in this wretched flesh; fortunately we stand on a Bridge known as Jesus Christ and His escalator only moves forward so even though we are taking one step forward and ten steps back when we look back we have actually moved leaps and bounds praise God! Be encouraged and stay on the righteous path – you can’t help but to go forward (up).
With The Love Of Christ,
EAWilliams
(Liz)
Olga
Thanks Liz for sharing your heart…. we moan together and rejoice together… May God give you special strength to carry on and a special joy of the hope to see her in Heaven…
EAWilliams:
Amen Sister Olga, Amen!
Olga
Sorry, that was supposed to be “mourn together”….
EAWilliams:
I understood :o)
Martin Steinbr...
Hello Liz, Sorry to hear about your loss, I’ve been wondering about you and your where- abouts, but thought perhaps you were just busy or perhaps out of town. I am touched by your devotion to your grandmother and somewhat envious having never experienced such family ties, her memory is truly honored by your expression of this devotion. Be at peace my sister, as you well know, she now resides in a better place!
EAWilliams:
Amen Brother Marty! I thank you for your words of inspiration and I have certainly missed my LC family :o) God bless you!
Tahnja
‘for we know not the hour’ said the Lord and He comes like a thief in the night, when we least expect it. Why? to test our faith my friend. It is not until we suffer that we find the true depths of our faith. In the quiet solitude of grief we cry out to God but ‘why’ should not be the question. The response to God is only this ’Not my will but let Your will be done."
I have lost many members of my family and currently am suffering a terrible grief for my wayward daughter so I share in your ‘silence of grief’ but I also know the power of the Lord as you do and that when we place our whole hearts with Him, He will always help us.
Peace to you sister Liz and my love and support as well.
EAWilliams:
Thank you Tahnja, I really appreciate your words of encouragement! I knew the answer to the “why” question (why didn’t Holy Spirit let me know in advance) and that still did not stop the questioning…I guess I felt a little of what He feels when we leave Him out of our lives :o) (It really doesn’t feel good but He had too)
Alexandra Jack
When I read of the loss of your Grandma and I believe in my heart I felt the pain and suffering that you are going through and so I prayed for you. Be assured that God is by your side.
EAWilliams:
From the bottom of my heart and bursting forth overflowingly – I thank you and all my sisters and brothers in Christ that have kept me lifted up in prayer before God. May He bless you all bountifully.
mister khan
it’s always crap when someone dies. you can’t ask for more than a strong circle of family and friends to help you through, and it sounds like you’ve got it it. whichever service you’re subscribing to, i hope their is peace in your heart at the end of the day to help you come to terms with your loss.
EAWilliams:
Thank you :o)
William F. Blair
Liz…thanks for pouring your heart out.. odd thing to say I know, but considering that the largest book of the Bible is composed of writtings like yours…well you get the idea…to see your devotion to the Lord in the midst of such great loss is encouraging…God Bless you and your family!!! & what a glorious reunion awaits you and your grandmother!
EAWilliams:
Thank you William for your comforting words, I really appreciate them :o)
AritusZainan
It’s amazing how everything God does works out. I really didn’t notice this until very recently, My uncle died in May and I was torn but now I look back on it and by God taking my uncle home he brought many of my family members closer to Christ and we are closer as a family now as well. Everything God does he does for a reason. Just takes time to see it. =)
EAWilliams:
He is The Original Promise Keeper, if He says all things will work for the good of those who Love Him, then they will :o) Thanks again for your kind comment…:o)