200 Pet Peeves
By Douglas Hunt
1. they charge tax when you buy postage stamps. I thought postage stamps were a tax!!
2. parking spaces have become narrower over the years – they want to squeeze as many consumers as possible into the parking lot at the mall – never mind the dented doors!
3. sports teams change their logos every few years to force the die hard fans to buy new jerseys, caps etc. , thereby pulling in a lot of revenue.
4. every so often grocery stores, and even Wal-Mart’s, will rearrange their entire store with a promise to “serve you better”, when their real motivation is to make you look harder for the items you want to buy instead of going directly to them – then you’ll buy more because you’ll see other stuff you weren’t looking for, and buy it on impulse.
5. have you ever sat on the couch and kept turning up the sound because you can’t hear the program you’re watching on TV– then a commercial comes on and practically ruptures your eardrum with the loudness? Let’s face it, the commercials ARE louder than the program, no matter what they say!
6. those instant tellers are for a fast transaction, right? So why do I get stuck behind someone who actually spends 15 minutes at the ATM?
7. You’re buying a pair of glasses and the optician asks if you want the lenses with antiglare and scratchproof coatings (which raise the price significantly) and you wonder, isn’t that like buying a car and having the salesman ask if you want the wheels for an extra $2000?
8. Why does the pizza advertised in the flyer for $12.95 end up costing $20 by the time it reaches your door?
9. people who use cell phones and end up driving at 10 mph.
10. people who put on makeup while driving.
11. people who shave while driving - well you get the point. Why don’t we all just pay attention to driving while we’re driving.
12. the dvd players in SUV’s that distract people in the car behind - why don’t manufacturers put the dvd player lower in the vehicle? Then you wouldn’t have to look up with an uncomfortable neck position and the distraction would be gone from following cars.
13. people who hang CD’s from their rear view mirror in cars —good idea! - let’s blind the driver with a highly reflective object while he’s driving!
14. insurance companies! They are in business to take a calculated risk, but refuse to do so. By making car insurance mandatory the government is giving the insurance companies a license to print money! They are criminals and extortionists– they accept money under false pretences.
15. the term PRE-PLANNING used by funeral homes. What other type of planning is there? Is there POST-PLANNING? I don’t think so! It is unnecessary to put the PRE in front of PLANNING because the word PLANNING implies being PREpared! OMG.
16. taxes
17. banks – they charge more and more service charges for less and less service! I went into a bank the other day and wanted 100 five-dollar bills – and they said they didn’t have it!!! I would have to make an appointment to get that kind of money! If a bank doesn’t have cash, who does? To quote ING direct, “Less Piggy, More Bank!”
18. people who don’t wait their turn in line-ups or in heavy traffic. The first road rage incident happened because a guy was fed up with people cutting in front of him when he was patiently waiting to merge at an onramp in L.A. He got out a gun and shot the next guy who cut in front - I don’t blame him!
19. politicians are the most successful criminals – the ones who have been successful enough to avoid jail (although some politicians have been to jail) – look at the word politics - “poli” means “many” and “tics” means “blood sucking insects”!
20. people who drive slow in the fast lane
21. in Canada we let school board trustees and other politicians vote on their own salaries !!!!! Haaaallooooo - can you say “stupid”???
22. the best things in life are free - but just try to get them!
23. telemarketing machines that phone you and ask you to “please hold”. They actually want you to wait to be harassed by someone who is currently busy harassing someone else!
24. being stuck in a traffic jam on a toll road - if I have to pay to use the road, the least they can do is make it a fast trip home!
25. finding out that your favourite food/drink has been abruptly discontinued for no apparent reason.
26. shouldn’t the postage be prepaid for mailing back your income tax return?
27. Big sale! All items up to 70% off! Translation: the item I was going to throw out is 70% off – everything else is the normal price!
28. any TV commercial that says “but wait, if you phone now… we’ll throw in a second widget absolutely free”! (operators are standing by)
29. speaking to customer service in Mumbai to get your cable tv problems resolved in Toronto!
30. “legalese” was invented just so lawyers would be necessary!
31. it’s easy to get a pre-authorized payment plan started, but it’s hard to get it stopped!
32. it’s easy to buy an article in a department store – but it takes a lot of filling in forms and jumping through hoops to return it.
33. whatever happened to phoning up a business and speaking to an actual person! I saw a tv ad the other day for a company that was so proud to say that when you phone them up all you have to do is press 0 to speak to an actual person - my question is: “why should I have to press 0?”
34. you phone a company and they give you choice after choice of what button to push, but none of them apply to your situation- so you push 0 to speak to an operator and the voice says, “that is not a valid option – goodbye”!
35. why do we blindly follow terminology changes instituted by overpaid college grads coming up with euphemistic phrases like “landfill site” to replace “garbage dump” – let’s call a spade a spade!
36. gas prices jumping up really high right before a long weekend
37. the argument over whether humans have caused global warming - that’s like arguing over whether the big cat attacking you is a lion or a tiger!
38. the autonomous power wielded by credit card companies
39. banks won’t lend you money until you prove to them you don’t need it
40. you can’t get health insurance if you have bad health
41. you can’t get a job without experience and you can’t get experience without a job
42. people who tack themselves onto a row of parked cars, even though there’s no parking spot there – just to be a few feet closer to the mall
43. “professional development” days - whooaa! What are they doing teaching my children if they’re not professionally developed? Let’s just call it a teacher’s holiday, OK?
44. airport security guards who don’t know the difference between a voltmeter and a bomb
45. road work crews who block off a lane of a major highway 5 days before they start working on it!
46. the people who drive right to the very end (and even further, sometimes) of a lane which is merging onto the highway before cutting in – just to gain one or two car lengths.
47. criminals are often treated better than their victims
48. it’s Boxing Day! Not Boxing Week - retailers will do anything to make a buck!
49. Amway! Get a life!
50. Christmas is being lost in Christian society so as not to offend immigrants who are non-Christian
51. criminals get away with crimes because it’s too expensive for their victims to retaliate in court, and even if they do, the jails are so overcrowded that the criminal is out in no time
52. don’t you hate the way “scratch and win” has become “scratch and become eligible to win”?
53. You’re next in a long lineup at the supermarket. The next cashier opens up and says “Can I help someone over here?”. The entire lineup behind you thunders over and they all get served before you do.
54. You get to the supermarket checkout with a ton of groceries and only the express lane is open, but because there’s no-one around she says you can go through it anyway. As soon as she rings in the second item a humongous lineup appears out of nowhere behind you and they all scowl at you because they think you don’t know this is the express checkout lane!
55. the system access fee on your cell phone bill is absolutely bogus! There is no such thing – it’s just another way of pulling in the money.
56. computer printers – why do the ink cartridges cost as much as the printer?
57. people who are in a lineup but stand so far away from the line that you have to ask them if they are lined up or not!
58. identity thieves are the scum of the Earth! O yes, and those scuzzbags that delight in writing computer viruses.
59. tailgaters!
60. the better a food tastes, the more fattening it is
61. software piracy happens because of high priced software – NOT the software is high priced because of piracy
62. Why does the US congress have a WEEK long recess for Memorial DAY?
63. why do governments spend so much time not governing?
64. buzzwords! Like when a company’s ad claims to provide “innovative solutions” but doesn’t even say what the company does.
65. TV programs that show you in detail how a criminal got away with his crime –this is equivalent to giving lessons to potential criminals on how to repeat the same crime and get away with it.
66. you sit down to watch one of your favourite tv programs —but it is pre-empted by baseball -- now who is it that assumes everyone would rather watch baseball than the regular scheduled program?
67. people who don’t know the difference between “yield” and “merge”
68. people who don’t signal, especially when they are driving suv’s – no they AREN’T god’s gift to other drivers! I don’t care what they say!
69. people who leave public bathrooms in a disgusting mess!
70. people used to get tattoos and body piercings to be different – now they do it to be the same!
71. the people who have no idea what “personal space” means, especially in the lineups at the grocery store.
72. job interviews that are a sham – the company doing the hiring has already made their decision (the HR guy is hiring his buddy) but is going through the procedure of interviewing people so it looks good on paper and they can show the management and shareholders that they did what they were supposed to do.
73. spandex is not for everybody – and how do some fat people wear spandex that actually sags?
74. people who punctuate their sentences ad infinitum with a repetitive word or phrase, such as “dude” or “you know what I’m sayin?’”
75. the way that a lot of chain restaurants serve meals that are bigger than even a 400lb truck driver named Bubba could finish – it’s a waste of good food. Why not have a portion size (and cost) choice?
76. the deterioration of the English language over the last 25 years. Like, whatever! I’m, like, omg, wtf?
77. people who leave their country of birth and when they arrive at their new “home”, expect that country to adjust to their former lifestyle instead of doing the adjusting themselves.
78. countries who bend over backwards to adjust to the immigrants who refuse to integrate into the society of their new chosen home.
79. if you come to a Christian society from a non-Christian one, expect that you’ll have to see people celebrating Christmas –and people wishing other people “Merry Christmas”, not “happy holidays”! It’s not an attack on your religion.
80. the hideous names that famous people feel obliged to give their kids!
81. people who crack bad jokes and stare at you waiting for you to laugh!
82. when you send off for a mail-in rebate, why does it take 6 to 8 weeks to get it? Are they hoping you will forget about it and not bother to follow up if they “forget” to send it?
83. You are politely waiting for the oncoming car to cross the intersection before you turn left. Your left indicator is flashing. Then the car your were waiting for slows down and turns right without indicating. You had plenty of time to turn if you knew he was going to do that! You could have gone, but buddy left you feeling like a moron!
84. people who throw garbage and especially lit cigarette butts out of their car window while they are driving, and it lands on your car!
85. bicyclists and motorcyclists who insist on riding two or more abreast.
86. rap music – the rhymes in rap music would have made my English teachers shudder in disgust.
87. unnatural laughter – you know, the kind of forced laughter some people come up with when it doesn’t come out naturally.
88. breast implants – 90% of the time natural is better – no, you’re not in the 10%!!!
89. bosses who assume your job is your entire life—-it isn’t!
90. people who hang the toilet paper roll so that it comes from the back at the bottom, instead of over the top at the front! OK, so that’s a little obsessive compulsive, but I insist on it being that way!
91. not replacing the finished roll of toilet paper
92. ever seen someone order a huge fattening meal and then ask for a diet soda?
93. I knew fluoridation of drinking water was an evil thing when it was introduced – but it took forty years for the health officials to realize it.
94. repairmen who can only give you an 8 hour window of when they are going to show up for a 10 minute repair job – so you have to take the whole day off work! You go to the store for milk, and in the ten minutes you’re gone the repairman shows up and leaves without doing the job because he can’t get in.
95. people who use loud power tools early in the morning in a residential neighbourhood. That goes for people who think that 7:00am is a good time to start mowing their lawn.
96. those people at work who actually think they are the boss – but aren’t!
97. when the boss blames you for his mistakes.
98. people who talk on their cellphones while they are at a service counter (bank, coffee shop, ticket counter etc.)
99. people who have no control of their unruly children in public.
100. store clerks who think the customer who just phoned is more important than the customer they were serving, who is standing in front of them
101. fast food clerks who ask you to pull over and wait for the food at a drive thru – you might as well have gone inside if they can’t serve it fast enough in the drive thru.
102. waitresses that ignore you when you need service in a restaurant
103. computer geniuses who can’t spell
104. very slow computers – I just don’t have the patience
105. nurses who think they are doctors and boss you around
106. people who take 10 seconds to realize that the traffic light has turned green – or maybe they are waiting for a different shade of green?
107. when buddy in the next car pulls up along side of you at a red light and you can hear his sound system but not yours! He’ll be deaf by age 30!
108. fast food clerks that can’t understand that you don’t want lettuce on your burger
109. fast food that’s slow
110. medicine bottles that have print so fine you can’t read it
111. people who are 15 minutes late to work every day – try leaving 15 minutes earlier!
112. why do people in public places have their walkie-talkie phones so loud – and then they even put it up to their ear when listening ! I can hear it from across the room!
113. bosses that leave work early but call you one minute before closing to make sure YOU’RE still there!
114. the smell of burnt popcorn – now that’s a smell that lingers, whoooeeee!
115. religions all say the same thing – they are all in agreement in principle, but they all argue and even starts wars about being the only one that’s right
116. people who park right in front of a grocery (or other store’s) doors because they are lazy - even when the parking lot is almost empty
117. the way that stores leap from one (retail) “holiday” to the next - they’ve got Halloween stuff out way too early and play Christmas music before you’ve even digested the Thanksgiving turkey. It’s too obvious that they are only interested in the almighty dollar.
118. the store has a gigantic sale, but the item you want is not on sale!
119. why does the cat barf on my carpet and not on the tile where it would be easier to clean?
120. neighbors who invade your privacy
121. people at work who ask you to do something that is their job, and they could have done it in the time it took to ask you!
122. People who pull out in front of you when nobody is behind you. Then they take their time getting up to speed and you can’t pass because of traffic from the opposite direction. When you finally get the chance to pass they speed up!
123. using the handicapped door opener when you’re not handicapped
124. dads who refuse to admit that they are the father of a child and refuse to support their children even when it’s proven to them that they are the father.
125. prescription drug commercials on tv that tell you to “ask your doctor if drug x is right for you”. Side effects may include vomiting and even death in some serious cases.
126. reality tv - too many reality shows!!! Please, stop!
127. waitresses: please check on your customer after serving the meal – he or she may just need your help with something, and if they don’t, they will appreciate the attention – no, it’s not an interruption.
128. I know you should slow down when it rains, but some people take it to the extreme – you don’t have to create a traffic jam!
129. people who bring very large hand baggage on to a plane to avoid checking it in and then have a hard time finding room for it in the overhead bins.
130. knockoff products that try to cash in on their well built, well known counterpart by using a similar name.
131. how does a box full of power cords and extension cords tie itself up into a Gordian knot that takes half an hour to untangle?
132. radio stations that play the sound of a siren, even during an ad – this is very confusing and possibly dangerous for a person in a car listening to the radio
133. people that take their sweet time leaving a parking space that someone else is clearly waiting for.
134. people who stand talking to each other while blocking a doorway that other people need to use.
135. did you ever notice that on tv people just hang up the phone without saying goodbye?
136. drivers who expect others to let them merge at the last minute when a lane ends.
137. rich people that tell you money doesn’t buy happiness (I guess they should know).
138. trying to navigate Windows Vista is like trying to swim in mud.
139. people who don’t believe you when you tell them that they have dialled a wrong number. Then they call back – sometimes twice!
140. chain letter emails
141. the phrase, “You may have already won!”
142. having to park your small car in between two SUV’s, minivans etc.
143. when radio announcers say the phrase “live to air” and it sounds like “live tair” and you’re thinking there’s a live tair on the loose!
144. when you hear a fantastic song on the radio and they don’t tell you what it is or who sang it!
145. hospital gowns ! why do we have to put them on backwards!
146. whatever lane you choose to drive in becomes the slow lane
147. finding a lost item after you’ve bought another, more expensive, but lower quality one to replace it!
148. car alarms - does anyone pay attention to them, except to say to themselves, “that’s annoying!”?
149. people that keep their cars and workplaces too hot.
150. the high salaries of sports figures, and the way they are idolized
151. You finally get around to phoning that large company to get the problem that’s been stressing you for weeks sorted out and they put you on hold. After 20 minutes on hold you all of a sudden have to go to the bathroom really bad!!! Or if you were using a cell phone, the battery dies.
152. the way that OJ got away with murder and is proud of it
153. being in a traffic jam when you have diarrhea
154. the way “aggressive” is considered a positive attribute by employers seeking to hire someone.
155. you know they do it on purpose, right? They sell hot dog buns 8 to a pack and hot dogs 10 to a pack.
156. oldies radio stations that only have 100 songs in their library!
157. the forced air hand dryers in public restrooms – they don’t dry your hands like paper towels do.
158. the term “public restroom” – it’s a toilet, dammit, and I doubt that too many people “rest” in there!
159. the way “old” is considered “bad” by many people in North America
160. why is the police officer there with a radar gun when you’re doing 5mph over the limit but not there when you were almost run off the road by the reckless driver?
161. parcels that can only be delivered during working hours to your home – while you are at work and unable to accept delivery!
162. the way that all government offices are only open when you are at work – so you have to lose money and take time off to go to them, and most likely waste a lot of time in a lineup when you get there because they are notoriously understaffed.
163. a patient person doesn’t know they are being patient. So only impatient people call themselves patient!
164. the idiotic phony ritual of job hunting, resumes, cover letters and interviews.
165. the bald man’s comb-over! It’s not fooling anyone…
166. garage sale and yard sale signs that are still around long after the sale is over – why don’t the police fine them for littering? They have their address – it’s right on the sign!
167. spam: the canned meat and the emails
168. weight loss product commercials who say “results may vary”
169. websites that have backgrounds that clash violently with the text color, making your eyes water when you try to read them.
170. websites that have literally hundreds of links on the homepage – that’s just too overwhelming, people!
171. art and artist societies that are nothing but mutual admiration cliques
172. the con game of the “free” download —sure it’s free to download, but it will cost you money to use the download. Example: scan your computer for viruses – free download! So you download and scan your computer -- the program says “we have found 156 viruses! To get rid of these viruses simply buy our scanning software now for $30 a month and your first born son”
173. I don’t know of anyone who has been “annoyed into buying” – so why do spammers and telemarketers persist?
174. emails from Nigerians who claim that a person with your surname has left them $5,000,000 and only you can help them retrieve this fortune - your cut will be 15% if you let them use your bank account. Right. Nothing suspicious here!
175. emails from “a 25 year old Russian girl” speaking poor English looking for your company when she will visit your city in two weeks, but the email traces back to a server in Indiana
176. the shrink wrap on CD’s and DVD’s – what’s that about? It takes you half an hour to get into the darn things!
177. isn’t it time to do away with the huge phone books in large cities? This is the computer age, people! Look it up on the net.
178. e-bayers! Get a life – o yes, and “happy bidding”
179. here’s a very funny pet peeve I found online: From time to time, I will see a variety show or a music award show on TV, and there will always be singers on that have a certain style of singing that makes me want to strangle them. What I’m talking about is this way some singers will go up and down the whole musical scale while on a single word or note of the song. The closest word to describe it is yodeling. Notorious for this are singers like Whitney Houston, Boys II Men (and a LOT of those 4-guy groups), Mariah Carey, Patti Labelle, etc. I don’t know what they’re trying to prove, but it appears that they can’t hold a single note for a prolonged amount of time, so they get fancy to cover up for their lack of vocal talent. What it ends up sounding like is a bunch of noise. It usually happens (but not always) at the end of a song. If two singers are involved, it sounds like a duo of noise, like a perverted version of “Dueling Banjos” from the film Deliverance. You say to yourself: end it… END IT… FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, END IT!!!! Sometimes it goes on for so long that you can go into the kitchen, make a sandwich, come back and the song is not over yet.
180. weatherman teaser ads on TV. Are we going to get rain tomorrow? Tune in after ER to find out! My guess is “yes” we are going to get rain tomorrow – otherwise he wouldn’t have mentioned it, would he? OK, so now I can go to bed without staying up to watch the weather!
181. Why do weathermen get all cutesy and call snow “the white stuff?” Can’t they just call it snow? “Well, it looks like we’re going to get some white stuff tonight.” “Another 3 inches of the white stuff is expected.” At the start of spring, I even heard a weatherman welcoming the arrival of “the green stuff.” If they insist on this lingo, why don’t they call rain “the clear stuff?” Maybe they could call sunlight “the bright and shiny stuff.”
182. milk shake machines do NOT give forth milkshakes! A milkshake must have at least milk and ice cream in it and you should be able to suck it up through a straw without your face caving in and turning red! And if you hold it upside down it SHOULD pour out!
183. non handicapped people (or even if you have a permit, but your handicapped relative is not with you) using the handicapped parking
184. websites that don’t let you exit from them – that’s mean, and downright annoying!
185. websites that say you HAVE to use Internet Explorer! If I can’t see it without using Internet Explorer, then that’s their loss!
186. websites that play sound/music without giving you the option to turn it off!
187. your ballpoint pen doesn’t work, so you find a scrap of paper to scribble on and it works – then you go back to the paper you wanted to write on and… it doesn’t work!
188. $1500 rims on a $200 car!
189. “baby on board” signs in a car’s back window! Does that mean you can’t ram the car now that you’ve noticed there may be a baby inside?
190. the black and white private eye skit that every TV comedy show seems obliged to include sooner or later.
191. people who spit – and why do so many athletes have to spit? What’s with all the spit????
192. people who stand in the way when you’re getting off an escalator
193. idiots who gawk at disasters (disaster tourists)– some even travelling for hours to be nosey parkers – disasters such as the aftermath of 9/11 and hurricane Katrina and the Tahoe wildfires.
194. the guys who insist on hanging their left arm out the window while driving and then “floating” their hand in the breeze.
195. likewise the guys who have their right arm around the back of the passenger seat while they’re driving.
196. what’s with the morons who lower their seat inside the car so that you barely see a driver at all when they pull up next to you at a red light – how can they even see out the front window?
197. have you ever seen stretches of road where everyone speeds at least 30 to 50 mph above the limit? I bet if you stopped each and every driver and asked them if the speed limit should be raised in that location, you wouldn’t get one person who said yes. Apparently speeding is a very selfish thing – it’s OK if I do it, but not OK for anyone else to! Hmmm, can you say hypocrite?
198. the phoney “newscaster voice” that one hears on all tv and radio news shows.
199. charities that try to guilt trip you into donating by making you “run the gauntlet” outside the doors of your favorite shopping mall.
200. fake British accents by actors who haven’t mastered it!
200 Pet Peeves
OMG I’ve turned into a curmudgeon!