It was one of those shocking moment in life when you suddenly hear the infamous notes from Jaws just before reality turns on you and strikes! Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun……Bam, the Jaws with razor sharp teeth are wide open fixing to take a bite and there’s nothing you can do because swimming is no option when your in the deep and fact is a weight taking you down… That pivotal moment you thought would never happen to you and your face to face with the Silence Of The Ham!
Yep, lying on the bed on my stomach and ummm accidentally turning my head to the mirror mounted on the wall, only to see great mountains rising up from the mattress! I had birthed twins again but this time it had taken place behind me and I didn’t even know it. Oh they had to be ten times the size of the Easter Bunnies cheeks and one might even liken them to the Alps. Fitting really when you consider nearby the land of CHOCOLATE runs with rivers of CHOCOLATE! All the delights I had ingested had secretly been following me from “behind” and now were stowaways hitching a ride that might turn out to be a lifetime journey. Hmmm let me see….exercise or eat CHOCOLATE…sweat or savor…oh the pain of our pee-dunk-e-dunks cause!
From one angle they appeared to be speed bumps in the bed, hams side by side, a loose caboose, rump roasts in waiting, the Hail-Mary’s of the land of female weakness and decadence!
Oh the pain of M&M’s and Belgium should be ashamed of themselves! “Bottom” line here is I was now living with a Pee-dunk-e-dunk the size of two worlds and for sure when I stand up I shall create a drag on the world that may put us all in peril! I know what your thinking, my kind-hearted friends, that the forward facing twins will balance the wide load, right? Well to put it in perspective it would be like two M&M’s next to two solid chocolate 10lb Easter eggs. So sad to find out too late that CHOCOLATE is really the silent killer among women after all. Oh the things your Mother didn’t tell ya….
Now I must go and I leave you with this warning…..
If she rolls over you’ll all be dead…..