B A T T L E . C R Y (to Satan)

You couldn’t successfully tempt me after my salvation

So instead you secretly nailed all these red herrings to my cross while I was still carrying it (and I still can’t believe I didn’t feel you there)

No cursing, no sex (period), no drugs, no wearing tank tops, no gym memberships

And especially no Jimi Hendrix, Nas, or Madonna (because the devil TOTALLY has that on his iPod, I’m so sure)

Six hundred and sixty-six added pounds of useless bull – - – -

And I was almost dumb enough to believe you when you told me that it was the CROSS that was crushing me!

Nice try, LUCY – FUR, but not today

Facism, racism, sexism, and even religious legalism… ALL the stupid little “isms” that you stick a cross in front of…

Something as ugly as that needs a better disguise that no amount of your hatefulness can afford

Beneath the white hood

Running through the Sieg Heil salute

Hidden in the bloody fists of drunk-with-power patriarchs

And burning through the eyes of Caiphas’ descendants

Did you really think we wouldn’t eventually hear you laughing underneath it all?

Less and less people are dumb enough to applaud your little side show

So just admit the whole thing was a fraud now – it’ll be less painful for you in the end.

T R I U M P H A N T . G O O D B Y E (to the elders and nu-Pharisees)

It’s almost worse nowadays (please mind I said ALMOST)

You guys are like the Hollywood paparazzi:

A bunch of busy-body prudes who like to publish stories that are more like spiritual junk-food distractions

“Mrs. Smith had an abortion, her daughter Britney got pregnant, and we think marijuana and gay marriage might become legal in the next few months, which probably means the world will stop turning too. These people need a good, godly @$$-whooping, so please pray that they get it, and thank God that we’re not like them”

Whoa-ho-ho-HO, now, excuse me?! THAT sounds very familiar… where have I heard that prayer before?

…. Oh yeah – Luke 18:9-14, now I remember.

“But Dan, you don’t understand my pain! I’ve got homosexuals and atheists and alcoholics and DEMOCRATS (gasp!) living next door to me!!”

Yeah, poor you.

I suppose the Janjaweed militia in Darfur is just a warm-up act compared to people like that, yes?

“The Jaja-joo-joo…. huh?! ”

Yeah, that’s what I thought…

It’s so ironic, you know…

You shout, safe from behind your little pulpit, how bad this world is

And I get so bored with the same tired hellfire/brimstone sermon recipe that I begin to fall asleep (it just became so bland after some 2000+ years…)

But it’s when Jesus WHISPERS “The world needs you to pass the free love around instead of complaining about how no one is following the law perfectly”

That I finally start to wake up

And I’d watch it if I were you – Jesus is shaking more and more of us out of our slumber

You’ll need to crucify Him again soon if He keeps at it like this (not that THAT will help any, if you remember what happened last time)

Please keep in mind that I don’t fault you at all if you can’t stomach these words

It’d be a miracle if you can even digest the camels you keep swallowing by mistake!

I mean, surely you’d notice since you work so hard to strain out those little gnats of the soul? Or am I giving you too much credit already?

Of course, the greater shame goes to me, because there were nonbelievers who noticed first and rolled their eyes at you before I did.

Why was it not until recently that I saw how ridiculous it all was?

Let’s see here, we’ve got genocide and disease in Africa, war started for personal and “godly” reasons in the Middle East, political unrest in Europe and South America, natural disasters in Asia…

But WHO is your scapegoat today?

“It’s those two fags who just said ‘I do!’”

O…kay…

“Because every time their lips touch, ANGELS DIE!!!”

Uh-huh… and all the world tragedies I just mentioned?

“We’ll say one prayer and send over a few Bibles, all right? There’s better things to worry about than people less blessed and with less freedom than us!”

Oh, come ON, will you give it a rest?

It’s not that I don’t agree that drugs, meaningless sex, and cursing is bad

But it seems like the REAL evil in them is that

We are actually petty enough to argue on and on about them endlessly

So (no thanks to Satan) we completely forget to make time to do anything about issues that matter more, or solve a problem at the source

It’s not that Satan tempts us to do evil, it’s that he keeps succeeding on making us do nothing (or nothing useful, anyway) while the rest of the world burns! And every time he does, a few more pieces get knocked off the chess-board we call Earth. Do you care?

God’s heart is too big for your little morality bubble, and the air inside is getting stale

So screw this, I’m out of here

Go on then, call me a heretic!

Frankly, I’ve got bigger fish to fry

Than puffed up false prophets whose worst weapons are the names they call me as I walk out of the four walls of what they call “church”

“Heretic! Idiot! Non-believer! Backslider! Devil-worshipper! Non-Republican! Hippie!”

Oooooh, I’m so scared because YOU’RE so perfect and infallible – I almost forgot you had that delusion about yourself!

Whatever, man…

Grace may be freely given by Christ, but if it’s my respect you want

Perhaps it’s high time you earned it for once, instead of me just letting you win it by default.

“You Christians look nothing like your Christ”

Prove Ghandi wrong first, and THEN maybe you and I will have more to talk about

O N E . L E T T E R . H O M E (to Jesus)

Dear Jesus,

The people who are a little higher up on this totem-pole are getting annoyed and irritated with me… I’m pretty sure this means I’ve finally taken a step on the same road that You once walked on. If not, I’m sure You’ll intervene eventually. But if this truly is the right path, then I hope I see You soon. I know you have a lot more to teach me and I pray You overwhelm me with everything I have left to learn about You.

It is in Your name that I pray,

Amen.

PS – Recognizing the difference between Your voice and the devil’s is a little easier now than it was yesterday– I’m glad You heard me when I asked for a better pair of ears… and a family whose tremendous, indescribable love I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fully figure out (which I’m thankful for, in a weird way… if I could understand it completely, it wouldn’t be a love that goes all that deep, now would it?)