Growing up is a bitch-
learning responsibility,
being true to your feelings,
acting with integrity,
putting yourself out there,
to experience life on life’s terms,
It’s hard, damn hard.

Every time I felt something
I put a pill in my mouth,
swallowed it quickly,
as if someone was gonna,
pull it out, take it away,
deny me from sustenance.

In years past it was a bottle,
just like a baby’s,
had the same effect,
calming me down,
feeding the hunger,
soothing my soul,
all in the power of 16 ounces.

So half a lifetime passed,
pain wracked my body,
sending shivers coursing throughout,
the product of disease,
and I reached for the familiar,
headed for the bottle,
this time of prescription drugs,
so easy, so seductive, so deadly.

Sobriety met me fairly
and much welcomed,
in the nick of time,
as I lay dying,
heaving on bed from seizures,
as my teenage daughter,
held my hand,
tying me to this life,
I had tried so hard to forget.

No longer looking at life
from the sorrowful eyes
of peaked depression
and harrowed addiction.
I have learned to smile,
to laugh,
to look in the mirror
and not shudder,
the mirror no longer my enemy.

Looking at life
with hope,
with conviction,
with joy.
I know how a smile feels,
edging spontaneously up my face.
Half a century went by but
I now know peace.