I am a colorful character in my own on-going unpublished life story
that I continue to write in ink
invisible to the white, plain, blank sheets of paper I write it on.
…an observer of others’ quirks and behaviors
who’s blind to his own understanding of himself.
…a cloaked shadow of myself
shedding a light of hope into others’ lives.
…a past life who will inspire others in the future
by how I touch them in the present.
…a poisoned inner spirit who’s helped heal the inner spirits of others
but hurt the ones who were there for me.
…a complex soul touched by an inner deepened sadness
who’s touched other souls
to simply feel happy that they’re still alive in the outer world.
…in the dark about how bright I hope their resulting futures will be.
I am a “professional” at work
making a daily living of sacrificing my human feelings
for better focus and concentration.
…a close friend-like companion to all my friends who turn to me in need
who closely feels the weight of all they’re feeling as if my own,
but unable to keep any close friends I feel I need.
…a keeper of secrets struggling to keep my own.
…a confidant without confidence.

I am a walking paradox.
…uniformly unique.
…my own Rubik’s Cube living in the Sphere of Life.

I am an observer of others’ quirks and behaviors
who’s blind to his own understanding of himself.
I am easy to talk to
but impossible to get to know and understand fully.
…an identity invisible to everyone else’s understanding.
…a loner, by nature, who never stands alone.
…well-renowned in my own forgotten world of Oblivion.
I am a fighter of my own emotion wanting to persevere.
…a heart full of gold
struggling to hide all the black empty nothing inside.
…multiple wounds of internal bleeding
unwilling to outwardly show others a single scratch.
…a complex soul touched by an inner deepened sadness
who’s been touched by events and experiences in life
to simply feel happy that I’m still alive in the outer world.
I am a trustworthy distruster of others.
…a close friend-like companion to all my friends who turn to me in need
who closely feels the weight of all they’re feeling as if my own,
but unable to keep any close friends I feel I need.
…a keeper of my distance
because the ones I let in close
all seem to end up either dead and/or gone.
…a psyche shot down
by the betrayal of ones whom were once close trusted friends,
but still willing to take a bullet
for the one person alive whom I consider the closest thing to a best friend
since the death of my one best friend years ago.
I am composure without closure.

I am a walking paradox.
…uniformly unique.
…my own Rubik’s Cube living in the Sphere of Life.

I am the juxtaposition of deep-seated emotional attachment
and light-hearted rational detachment.
…the juxtaposition of cool-headed with warm-hearted.
…a fighter of my own emotion wanting to persevere.
…a lover wanting to give it up.
…a closed heart wanting to open up—
to open, mesh with, and complete another’s.
…a loner wanting to be together.
I am the one unintentionally scaring off the ones I most want to open up to.
…the rejected one by the ones around my age
whom I grow most wanting close to me in my life.
…the accepted and desired one by the stalkers
whom are old enough to be my mother
and the minors almost young enough to be my daughter
whom I most want to run scared from as far away as possible.
I am the juxtaposition of easy to approach and hard to get—
…and of intense burning fear of—
alongside with equaled desire for—
love, sex, and relationships.
…green with inexperience in meaningful relationships
but blue with longing for the ones who once expressed their love and desire for me.
…a keeper of my own distance from relationships
because the ones I let in close
all seem to end up either dead and/or gone.
…a psyche shot down
by the betrayal of one whom was once a close lover,
but still willing to take a bullet
for the one person alive whom I love as a friend more than I’ve loved any lover
since the death of my one best friend years ago.
I am composure without closure.

I am a walking paradox.
…uniformly unique.
…my own Rubik’s Cube living in the Sphere of Life.

I am a “professional” at work
making a daily living of sacrificing my human feelings
for better focus and concentration.
…a collector of change
because I value keeping the essence of who I am the same.
…an apprentice to Alchemy—
learning to collect a wealth of silver linings in a pyrite life
so that I may turn my life into something golden.
I am in the dark about how bright my future will be.
…a cloaked shadow of myself
seeking some light of hope for my own life.
…a keeper of more untold unpublished invisible secrets
I will struggle to share from the plain blank story of my life.
I am a confidant without confidence.
I am composure without closure.

Russ Clement