JJ’s successor lived on the edge. The still’s keepers were all like that—sitting outside the hierarchy, with a deal for everyone.
Louie Mint was just right. JJ approached him after school. They exchanged nods, and made small talk.
“I’ve got something that’ll interest you, Mint,” said JJ.
Mint arched an eyebrow.
“Step inside,” said JJ, vaulting into his convertible. They cruised out of town, to the hidden location of the still. JJ didn’t bother with secrecy. This wasn’t an interview; Mint was the only candidate, and he wouldn’t say no.
JJ detailed the operation, and the important part: one year, and then Mint must choose his own successor. Mint agreed, hiding his eagerness. JJ drove him back to town, knowing there was no need for promises of discretion. Money would be dancing in Louie’s head already. JJ drove back out to the still.
He was tired. He didn’t like it much. All year, the still had been feeding on JJ’s cool. He figured it happened to all of them—the still sucked out their chutzpah, and somehow used it to spice up the moonshine. JJ’s predecessors ended up faded replicas of themselves, becoming accountants and driving instructors; they joined school boards, and ran the utilities.
JJ chose the other path. He crawled inside the copper bowl, and lay down. Mint would find the still empty, but for now, JJ lay in its belly and waited to be consumed.
Banalheed
Beautifully and poetically written. It’s a rare beast in as much as I thoroughly enjoyed the read, swept along on lines like “the still sucked out their chutzpah, and somehow used it to spice up the moonshine”, but I’m not sure I had any idea what was going on…but it still worked for me!
dirtman replied
Thank you very much. I found it very difficult to cut down to 250 words and still tell the story—it started out around 750 words, so a lot of background had to go!
Damian
Wonderful; you’ve got me hunting for layers of meaning, LOL! I liked the idea that the faded replica of a criminal living on the edge is an accountant or member of a school board!
dirtman replied
Thanks Damian. I think I’ll put the longer, original version up for a while—maybe after the competition closes. I am not sure I managed to get across the full idea of the story in the short one and I’d be curious to know if you think the same, on seeing the full thing. Interestingly I think this one is written better, in terms of a tighter style – the real advantage of having to cut so many words out. But it perhaps isn’t getting the whole thing across.
Micky McGuinness
A very enjoyable read; but I’m a bit confused by the end. Is he literally drowning himself in moonshine or is this a metaphorical drowning?
Matthew Dalton
I toyed with the spirit still idea for a while but didn’t get anywhere with it. I’m very impressed with what you’ve done with such a large concept in such a small space.
Zolton
I like it too. Curious about the other 500 words! I really like the same sentence that Banal Heed quoted.
Alix Purcell
dirtman – this is great. some great sentences in here and wonderful use of language throughout! – Alix
Alison Pearce
Great story!
Miri
this is quite sinister & scary, very nicely written!
definitely post the other version, would be very interested to see a fuller story of this!
Paul Rees-Jones
I am with everyone else, I really would like to read the rest, or original. I enjoyed this tale. Great work Dirtman.