dimarie

gracey thankyou xoxox
i cant think of how someone could of done this…
it didnt look like a car hit
my mind is just spinning
the look in his eyes was heartbreaking.

I’m sorry to hear of your daughters kitty, she must of loved him alot for the hurt to still linger this many years on. i know all too well what thats like.
thankyou for your kind thoughts! i appreciate it a hell of alot! xox

he had the best soul! i loved my other cats , and they have all had very differentr personalities.
shadow understood us and fit in so well here with his ninja antics and bossy attitude and then would come and suck up to you and be all affectionate…
he used to sleep next to me while i was pregnant, protecting my belly :)
he loved zaffy from the moment io brought her home and never got jealous over us spending time with her instead of him.. he was so good at sharing his parents!

when he was a kitten he broke out of home to follow me, unbeknownst to me at the time.. when i got home and he wasnt there i was hysterical. after i calmed down i walked all around the areas, i checked everywhere, i put photos of him up in all the local shops but i couldnt find him and a week went by and i was devastated, and so was morticia, she loved that cat from the get go :)
all week she moped around the house
then i got a phone call from a lovely woman who had seen my lost notice and also a found notice in the next town with a similar kitty picture.. so she travelled back to where my lost notice was and rang me to give me the number on the found notice lol.
i was so grateful, i could of danced around the room with whoever that woman was, a good soul, to take the time to do that :)
when i rang the number it was definately my shadow, as he had a unique collar i’d given him they remarked on, they had found him walking along the esplanande scared, which was the direction we had driven to that day (big arse double lane road)
So, they had only just taken him, reluctantly, to the pound that day, and it was late at night by now… so of course i couldnt sleep and at dawn when the pound opened i raced there and sure enough my kitty cat, my shadow was there, and as soon as he saw me he started crying and meowing excitedly, and when they opened the cage he jumped out to me in my arms and purred and purred and licked… he was so happy to see me :)
and thruout all the houses we’ve lived at since, all the moving and different towns, he has never since gone walkabout very far from home..
he’s always stayed wherever i am.
i have so many stories about him…

you know something sad.. as i’m writing this, i find myself smiling, and laughing alittle at his antics, the cute funy things he did… and as i’m thinking of it all, i can fool myself into thinking he’s curled up at my feet like he normally is…
and then it hits me.
he’s not.
he’’s outside wrapped in a towell in a box awaiting burial.
he’s really gone.
and there’s nothing i can do about it.

soo help me god or whatever powers that be if i find whoever did this to him.

i forgot to say thankyou.. or did i do that in teh bm? i’m sorry i forget already.
if i didnt, thankyou! i’d be feeling so very alone of it werent for you

its the first time shane has had a pet die, especially in such a horrendous way… i didnt realise that until he told me… i’m kinda a little numb to the gory of it because of how many times i’ve found pets of mine dead or dying.. it happens alot when you have so many conflicting pets (it took years before my mums dog stopped attacking the chooks, or for the foxes to go away for good… and then the more horrible experiences like when some lowlife broke into our yard and slaughtered all of our ducks, ducklings, chooks and chickens… with sticks… that was fuhked up and a memory i’ll never forget.
or when my mums best friends pet goat was killed while she was at work..
my god, the amount of times i’ve seen complete ugly evil violence against defenseless animals.. i have never understood why anyone would do that.
like my cat garfield, who had half of his face blown off by a shotgun… by one of the cretins that lived in the street… he made it home, and held on, and survived, and got thru the reconstructive surgery, and had half a tongue after that but he was ok. the vets did a brilliant job with him.

but there was no saving my shadow.
there wasnt anything i could do except hold him as best i could without hurting him
and telling him i loved him
and i was sorry
and that i was there for him and wouldnt leave him
and that it was oj to let go
cos he was in so much pain, i couldnt say hold on fight shadow dont die tho my inner self screamed it… but in my heart i knew it was better for him if he let go sooner rathe rthan later.
i didnt want him in that amount of pain.

but i still feel so guilty, like i should of found him earlier. i dont know, in my head i know it would nt of made a difference, in my heart i feel like i failed him.

thankyou shannon, it means the world to me really xoxox
i’m gonna be a bit of a blubbering mess these days to come, tho i must be strong for zaffy, she cries if she sees me cry :)
i’ll give zaffy that hug as soon as she wakes! :)
and know that it helps a lot, that you say such nice things and mean it, makes me cry, but you know, in a grateful way… i wish i had friends in real life (you know, non internet ones lol, and in my own country and state) that were as genuine and giving as you are
xoxox

thankyou alex xoxox
its going to be a hard day, with burying him and all… if we owned this property i would of been out there this past hour digging a grave for him, but i want him to rest in peace, not in a rental property where who nows what the future of this place will be…
I really dont know what i’m going to say to zafyre.
she’s so clever, and very clued on for her age, i will probably just tell her straight, explain what death is and how our spirits leave this world.. explain to her that he’s not coming back and that it isnt her fault in the slightest.

but i will be telling her he was hit by a car and it was an accident.
i wont be telling her what really happened to him as far as we can tell… she doesnt need to know that.

thanx again, i’m really very grateful for your kind thoughts :)

thanx honey.. i’m overwhelmed…i’m on the verge of tears again.. i didnt expect this response from people in all honesty… it makes me feell… i dont know, loved i guess :)
it hit me hard when i lost sooki, my ginger cat, he got into a fight with a feral stray threatening the chooks and contracted cat aids, and his liver failed him within months and i had to have him put to sleep as all his organs collapsed and the machines were keeping him alive.. it was awful as most of our cats live to past 20 and die peacefully in their sleep… i didnt forgive myself for years over sooki, i kept thinking irrationally that i should of had him immunised against cat aids.. but i didnt even know it existed until he got it.. i did however, have shadow immunised against it, it took a few jabs over th 3course of months, but i wasn t going to risk losing him like that
i never in a million years dreamt someone would do this to him though.
makes me want to move away from here all the more.

yea.. i’m going to tell zaffy it was a car accident, will help her realise also why we tell her cars are dangerous and dont let her walk on the roads… she has nothing to gain from knowing that it wasn t a car
i like your idea of lettign her help bury him.. i’m undecided on what to do tho. i dont wan the rhaving nightmares… he’s pretty messed up, i dont think i could clean him up well enough for it not to scare her if she saw… but yes, she can help me bury him….
and hope that i dont find her trying to bury our dog in the coming weeks lol…
see, i can still have alittle humour… even if its bad humour :)

i dont know what to do.

i knew you would dave :)
you knew more than most what that cat meant to me
and shane is devastated too… tho he is trying to be strong for me…
i can see thru it, to how much it hurts.
he loved chicken
he loved rubbing against your legs in the kitchen affectionately
and playfully swiping you as you walked past to get your attention
and he loved to sit and cuddle and dig those damn claws in
and purr
he loved to sit in the sun
he loved to run around with zafyre and was so patient with her
he loved to ninja fight
and flip backwards and acrobats
he was a real ninja
he loved to provoke morticia
and they would playfight
then curl up and sleep together
he would stand up to anyone that threatened him
he would come up to me at night and rub his face against mine, like it was his cat hug.. and then he;d go and curl up to sleep.
he loved to run infront of me and trip me up lol.. he was such a joker :)
but so loving.

oh please dont cry! not too much that it hurts you, i dont wan t to make people cry, only remember my boy for the fine unique cat he was.
and not get annoyed at me with the amount of pictures i’ll be doing of him in the days to come
thanx again.. we love you lots n lots xoxox

i just want to hold him
i wish he was looking at me right now purring hassling me for things to eat..
he was always hungry :)

monet sounds like a gem :)
we used to joke that shadow was actually a dog stuck inside a cat body, as so many of his traits were more doglike than cat…
tho, it mite have something to do with that morticia was his mum from very early on, she took him under her wing and he didnt meet very many other cats at the time.

what keeps getting to me now is this huge irrational thougth that keeps messing with me i keep thinking i should go outside and get him out of his box and unwrap him and check that he’s ok, check him becaus ehe mite be alive still and he wont wan tto be stuck in that box he mite be trying to get out.
but i know that he’s gone.
in my logical mind i know he is gone.
but i keep wanting to check .

i told shane how i kept thinking that, and he said he felt the same.

morticia is moping around already, she looks really lost, i keep giving her cuddles, i will be giving her some extra attention these next few weeks as i’m worried she’ll begin to fret as she was very close to shadow.

i’m worried also, as after shadow had gone, i heard another cat crying in pain across the yards.. too distant to be our yard but not far. i’m so worried another cat has been hurt too. things havnt been right in this area for awhile now
tourists are coming at odd times, respect in the street is a thing of the past, cars are vandalised out the front, as well as crashes and other things being vandalised like signs, bins set on fire.. there has been an uneasy vibe here lately, in the area… and elderly men being peterol bomnbed, and others going missing turning up dead in deserted streets… its getting madhouse here, and we’re supposed to be some idyllic coastal paradise…
its changing thats for sure and i’m not sure i want to be here anymore.
xoxox

thats a nice idea.. i think one side of his head was not too messed up… but also i’m a little worried the look on his face will give her nightmares… i’m a little worried it’s going to ess with my dreams.. i tend to have vivid nasty dreams when bad things happen…

he is wrapped up in my good thick big purple bath towell :) he always loved to curl up in it and claw it lol.
i miss him so much already :)
We called him shadow because as a kitten he would not let me out of his sight and would follow me everywhere, even to the bathroom lol.
xoxox

just the fact that you’ve ‘listened’ and offered support means the world and does help.. I dont have many friends, so no one to turn to physically y’know, that isnt going thru the same (my man he is trying to be so strong, but he’s hurting so much i can see it)
He was definately part of the family. morticia (our staffy pup) is 11, shadow was 7, and zafyre my daughter is two.. my ratbag family :)
he loved to eat zaffys yoghurt :)
and spaghetti bolognese! he would try to pinch everyones bolognese :)

I’m going to try to stop thinking of how he died, the senselessness and damage of what has been done.. and try to just think of him how he was, proud and strong and beautiful
..and alive.
i wonder how i’ll go with that..

thanx again steph :) you are an angel in the guise of a fighter with a heart of gold and a soul that sings.. i’m so glad that my friend pointed me in your direction! stoked to find another like soul :):)

thankyou kim xoxox
i appreciate your kind thoughts so much.. i neevr imagined so many would come forward with kind hearts :)
my nose is all ouchy now from crying too much and my eyes are bloodshot and puffy.. i must look a perfect mess lol. the screen is all bright cos of the tears.. argh, shadow would be pleased to have such an impact on me, tho he would not want to see me upset, he always would come over to me when i was upset and nudge me until i’d let him jump up and then he’d give me a cuddle and purr as if to say cheer up mum i love ya still :)
he’d look at me an dhis eyes would say things wont seem so bad after a lay down..
a laydown always made him feel better, or a cheeky swipe to whoever wasnt looking :)
xoxox

xoxox
your words mean more than you know:)
he always had unconditional love.. for any who gave him love, but he would always come back to us full of purrs and cuddles after he’d impose himself on everyone who visited :)
they are good empaths, sensitive to when we are hurting, i’ve always found that so endearing :)
give your kitties extra cuddles for me :)

shadow made it home to me
i cant imagine how worse i’d be if he hadnt of come home to me.
it was so hard telling him to let go.
even harder when he listened and did.

So its sunday night now.. he’s been gone since friday night.
We buried him satday morning at my mothers house, as she will be there forever…
I explained to zafyre matter of factly straight to the point, that shadow had a real bad accident he didnt survive, and we were there to bury him and say goodbye to shadow.
She said “bye bye shadow.” and yea, i cried.
whether she understood or not i cant be sure, but she has not tried to find him since we came home so i suspect she does understand, at least in the sense that he wont be coming home anymore…

morticia has been moping since, but had some happy moments this afternoon running around with the kids.
she’s snoring at my feet at the moment.. i have been letting her sleep inside since it happened… she used to sleep inside all the time years ago, a few houses ago, when she reigned queen of the castle lol.. since having chantra (our other staffy pup who we gave away after attacking shadow) come and go, morticia has gotten used to sleeping outside, but now i want her in here… with me.
She’s getting old my tishy, just turned 11, and for a runt, and a staffy, she’s already past her “life expectancy” HA! all my pets, apart from those like shads who were taken before their time, well, all the others who passed away from old age have outlived their “expectancies” by years! cats living up to 23 and 24.. dogs up to 20, rats up to 5 an d6 (their expectancy is around 2-3..)
so to keep with tradition lol, morticia is going to live to 20 too!
but yea, in all seriousness, i do hope morticia has lots left in her, she is still in good shape and hasnt turned completely gray, she’s not losing her mind or sight or hips or any of the “usual” afflictions dogs get in their old age… I’ve had tish since i was 17.. when she goes i’m gonna lose it completely.
so yea… heres to a long and happy and good life for them all!

i miss my cat tho. so much, i keep expecting him to start clawing at the door meowing to get let in to run over to me and purr and jump on my lap and give his cute little nudgy kisses before he starts digging his claws in… i’d have to get a pillow for him to sit on so he didnt tear me to shreds lol.
He;s with my others now.. probably ninja fighting amongst themselves over who got the most chicken in their lifetime lol… they’ve all been big fans of chicken. go figure :)

thanx so much for your support thru this hon :)
means the world to me that i have you to turn to! xoxox

Now that i’m not in the moment anymore, and can think about it rationally…
it looked like someone had pinned him down and beaten him.. stomped on him? hit him with a bat? i dont know but his injuries were many and not consistant with getting hit by a car for example.. there were just too many injuries, and no blood. and my poor little baby looked and felt like he’d had his throat crushed. cars dont do that. people do.
i’m so thankful that he made it home and got to die in my arms, i’m so thankful that he didnt leave this world surrounded by the scum who did this to him.
i hope i find out who did it too.. low life..not worthy of being called human.
Oh i miss him vestque.. he was so innocent and loving and trusted everyone.
i dont trust anyone anymore. and i dont want to live here anymore either. :(
hmn… theres another 3 months left on the lease here… we cant really afford to move, but when you’re not feeling safe well… animal abuse and animal kilings are only that step away from killing a person.. about ten years back when frankston had their serial killer… (town i basically grew up in to a degree) the lowlife went around and killed a few pets first, before he started on the young girls…
it just does my head in how someone could of done this.. to anyone.
but to a little girls pet cat, defenseless… makes me sick . literally. i’m not feeling well and i havnt since it happened…
sorry for the feel bad vibe i have.. i appreciate your support and good heart so much! xoxox

thankyou Ashley i appreciate that alot.
He was the boy of th efamily, as my daughter is a daughter and morticai is a girl … shadow was the man of the house when shane was at work or out…
i’m gonna miss him so much, I’m not entirley sure that it has sunk in yet that he’s really gone forever. xox

thats ok hun, that you tried and came in here anyway just to say you care means so much jen!
luv ya for it! xoxox

hey dave :)
Zaffy is coping surprisingly well… she is dealing with her immunisations at the moment also, with a high temp and runny nose (chickenpox immunisations).. so considering she is unwell, and just lost her kitty cat, i’m so proud of her about how well she is handling everything :)
I was saying before to anita that when we were at mums to bury him, i explained to zafyre matter of factly straight to the point, that shadow had a real bad accident he didnt survive, and we were there to bury him and say goodbye
She said “bye bye shadow.” made me cry even more…
whether she understood or not i cant be sure, but she has not tried to find him since we came home so i suspect she does understand, at least in the sense that he wont be coming home anymore…
Mao sounds like a really cool kitty! i know he’s having a good life getting spoilt by you! :)

Tell Holy that her sympathy is taken straight to the heart, but i dont want her crying and being upset, so tell her how good of a life he had, and all the funny things he’d do, and that he was loved and cared for, and was secretly a dog in acats body lol…
but yea, i appreciate your whole family so much, even the little furry members!
take care! xoxox

you said “You know something … one positive thing to come out of this sadness is the fact that there are so many nice kind people on Redbubble who will share in the suffering of others.”
well, i didnt expect this many to come in here, and subject themselves to so many bad vibes and bad news, in order to show me that they care.. that i have souls to turn to to talk to, and displays of support like this.. if i werent so.. in despair… i would be tickled pink :)
Truly it has hepled me alot, and brought me to tears too (happy ones) as you know better than most how i am with those who care… i get overwhelmed easily when its me people are caring for…

thankyou sweety!
I’m running out of words to express my gratitude for you all…
its hard when i feel so miserable.. and the anger is still coming and going but its moreso just hurting…
but i am grateful for you! all this will not be forgotten! xoxox

i know.. i feel the same…
not fit to call themselves human these lowlife scum who did this…
I’m scared for our neighbours kitten, havnt seen him since and after shadow had died i could hear another cat crying in pain across the yards… i have a feeling that whoever attacked shadow may of gotten the other cat too, or even a few… there are a lot of nasty dangerous people around this town lately.
Snowflake sounds precious! i’m happy you have such a loving cat!
shadow loved to chase bugs! and yea, he’s curl up and watch buffy and angel episodes with me :)

He was a very cool cat!

She is! She has the biggest heart, completely pure!

it still hurts.
i dont think it’ll ever not..
but I cant dwell on it, I choose instead to remember him for the great boy he was.
afterall i got responsibilities hey. I’m a mumma i cant be sitting around crying or plotting revenge.. i need to be strong for my girl.
xox

:)