Botticelli Woman

I stand naked
In front of the mirror.
I lean my head to one side.
And then the other.
I squint my eyes.
I’m sure my hips aren’t really that wide!
My curves (that I usually love)
Seem to be curvier today.

I stand to the side.
Today, I can’t be bothered sucking in
My non-flat stomach.
So I don’t.
Then again….maybe I should.

I turn to the back
And crane my head to see.
Wow! Look at that.
My butt cheeks actually rest on my thighs!

I turn to the front again.
Didn’t my breasts used to sit up higher than that?
I raise my arms above my head and smile.
That’s better.
That’s where they’re supposed to sit!

I think of the salesgirl from earlier.
I recommend the full cup bra for you, she said.
And I wanted to respond:
Listen here, Miss-I-can-wear-a-skirt-the-width-of-a-belt, and-my-boobs-are-still-up-around-my-ears,
These breasts fed and nourished my son.
So if I need a full cup bra because of it, then so be it!

Who am I kidding?
I want to wear the half-cup, flimsy material bra
That just barely covers my nipples!

I look down to my caesarean scar
And the faint stretch marks across my belly.
I thought I had made peace with them,
And had learnt to respect them.
But obviously not today.

I see the small, faded birthmark
At the top of my thigh.
Hardly visible and the shape of Sardinia.
It usually doesn’t bother me.
But today it’s annoying.

I stare into the mirror.
At my face.
And the reflection is different
To the picture in my head.

I see
Break-outs
And blemishes
And dark circles
And lines.
Lines that never used to be there.

I pull faces at myself in the mirror,
To see if the lines change.
I stretch my eyes.
I lift my forehead.
I widen my mouth.
No change.
The lines stay the same.

I grit my teeth together.
Why didn’t I get braces
To fix that hardly-noticeable-slightly-crooked tooth?

The one at the bottom.
Instead, I convinced myself all of these years
That it added character to my smile.

All of these years……
When did that happen?

I step back again.
I wonder if I can still do my old ballet poses?
I’m sure I can.
So I try.

He walks into the room.
Hello my voluptuous Botticelli wife, he says.
I pretend not to hear him.
Ballet Position 1
Oh no…are you remembering your ballerina body again?
I ignore him.
Ballet Position 2

What’s up with you?
Is it that time of the month?
This time I snap my head around
And glare.
He quickly backs out of the room
And closes the door.
I decide that the next person who says that to me
Will get slapped across the face.
I go back to the mirror
And take a deep breath.

Ballet Position 3
I value myself.
I love myself.

Ballet Position 4
I respect myself.
I accept myself.

Well, maybe not today.

But most of the time.

And finally,
Ballet Position 5

With a smile, I realise that
I can still do them……

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Featured in The Feminine Intent
Featured in Speaking Out
Featured in C.O.R.E
_______________________________________

A little story about Self-Acceptance.

This one is for the girls…..:)
I’m sure some of you have days like this……….

And boys if you read this, please be kind with your comments :))

Thank you to those of you who favourite my work or leave a comment. Your appreciation of what I do means so much to me.
~Luisa

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Comments

  • BigPauly79
    BigPauly79over 4 years ago

    Its funny but if you are in the wrong mind set then you will forever see the bad things with your own immage… look in the mirror with a happy heart and things will look a little different.. awesome write :-)

  • thank you…..and agreed! :)
    I’m usually very good friends with the mirror………most of the time! :))

    – diLuisa Photography

  • kevinmawson
    kevinmawsonover 4 years ago

    A Volumtuous Ballerina checking herself out in the mirror! how cute an image you paint with words , sad face then smiles then giggles , yes she can do them!! With selective hearing no less. lol!

    km.

  • she is smiling and giggling right now
    xxx

    – diLuisa Photography

  • AnniG
    AnniGover 4 years ago

    Ohhhh…I LOVE, love, loved it!! It feels like your words came right out of my head! Bravo, from all the Boticelli wives out there…we love you (I started using a smaller mirror for those days…just a “cropped” pic of the me I used to be) xxx

  • hehehe……thank you so much! :)) I just knew that there were other Botticelli wives out there that would get this!! :))
    xxxx
    p.s…..A smaller mirror!! Genius!! I should have thought of that!!

    – diLuisa Photography

  • markFairaday
    markFairadayover 4 years ago

    this is so so brilliant in every way. I love it. it speaks to so many and you made it beautiful.

    instant favorite

  • thank you so much mark! what a beautiful comment!! :))

    – diLuisa Photography

  • Christie  Moses
    Christie Mosesover 4 years ago

    You made me smile beautiful lady :)

  • thank you darling……..your comment made me smile too……..:))

    – diLuisa Photography

  • Trenchtownrock
    Trenchtownrockover 4 years ago

    That is a beautiful write my friend..many smiles came to my face as i read this..really love the acceptance that you are showing in this….love the lines I look down to my caesarean scar
    And the faint stretch marks across my belly.
    I thought I had made peace with them,
    And had learnt to respect them.
    But obviously not today.

  • thank you so much my darling……..i wrote this one as a cathartic exercise a few months ago…….and finally decided it was worth posting…….:))
    P.S that is my favourite part too! :))

    – diLuisa Photography

  • Hathor
    Hathorover 4 years ago

    Most women will relate to this. although I always walk away disgusted. I wish it were different. I carried and gave birth to 5 babies…that’s all that really matters…but my self image will always be sigh.
    so glad you can still do your poses. that made me smile. :)

  • thank you so much for commenting Kristin……..5 babies!! well, you deserve 5 medals!! well done to you!!
    and you are right………our beautiful children are what really matter……..but still……….
    I always say, “just because I became a mother, it doesn’t mean I stopped being a woman……..”
    And only other mothers truly understand what this means…….I know you will…..:))
    much love to you,
    Luisa xx

    – diLuisa Photography

  • tim norman
    tim normanover 4 years ago

    Mirror friend or foe…I just buy the right mirror. problem solved…Check yourself at home and then in the washroon of a restaurant…you always look different….

    Have you done hand mirror to mirror! Crickey there are shows with the 360 mirrors. d o you know Gok Wan and his work with botticelli women.. Excellent fashion guy….lifts every self image..
    as for me…its the smile that makes every look in a mirror worth while! and mood greates perceptual distortions…I reckon….as Gok says when doing a line up of other women and the participant has top say out of the five girls lined up…this is my shape….they are always two sizes too large….perhaps blokes see their tums bigger than they are if your are not a gym ripped dude..some folks spent their life working out.. i’d rather do other things..and spend some doe on a damn fine hairdo and clothes….Luisa….i prefer women without their ribs sticking out…and curvy!!!! no offence to slighter framed girls…well 14 stone guy is double a 7 stone girl…perhpas a match made in heaven if i met her???…great write in all of us xx

  • I am familiar with his work……….an interesting example that you have raised….:))
    And I do love myself and my mirror……..most of the time! ;)
    Although, I have to admit I do prefer myself in cracked & smoky underground, seedy nightclub mirrors…….they give me that “smudged-mascara, girlfriend of a rock star” look…….hehehe
    xx

    – diLuisa Photography

  • tim norman
    tim normanover 4 years ago

    blokes have and are self aware …but mums know their bodily changes etc.. xx

  • Antonello Incagnone "incant"
    Antonello Inca...over 4 years ago

    hummmmm

  • hmmmm :))
    xx

    – diLuisa Photography

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