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This is Me

It all started one night while I was sitting and thinking on my balcony.
The balcony of my great, little apartment.
It had been building inside of me for a long time.
And I didn’t know how to stop it.

I felt as if my mind was slipping away,
And my identity was being lost.
I didn’t know who I was anymore.
And this was the most frightening moment of my Life.

Everything that I had worked for,
Everything that I had achieved,
What was it all for?
I was empty and vacant, emotionless and hopeless.

Something I know now, that I didn’t back then,
Was that this was my catalyst for Change.
My kickstart for my new journey.
But first, I had to do something.

I had to let go.
I had to let go of my past.
I had to let go of my pain.
And I had to let go of my hurt.

I had a lifetime of memories and experiences,
But I hadn’t processed any of them.
I had never allowed myself to Heal.
So for the first time in many years……….I……… cried.

I cried for my father,
and for every time he had changed my colours from bright to black.
For every time he had damaged a part of my childhood soul.
And I cried for that same child who had died so long ago.

I cried for my mother,
and for every time I had helped to pick up her broken body from the floor.
I cried for the fear,
that I could never be as strong as her.

I cried for every bad relationship that I had ever had in my life.
And I cried for every poor choice that I had ever made.
I cried for every time that I ever let a man hit me, or abuse me, or degrade me.
And I cried because I truly believed that this was all I was worth.

I cried for that “event” that had happened years before.
That “event” that I still wasn’t able to articulate into words.
That “event” that took away the last piece of my damaged Self.
That “event” that would forever haunt my mind.

I cried for my family who loved me so much,
but who had no idea about the person that I really was.
I cried for my husband, who had slipped so far away,
And I wasn’t sure if he would ever come back again.

I cried for the whole world,
and for everyone that I loved in it.
I cried for the hate and I cried for the suffering,
That was a part of our collective Existence.

I cried for my beautiful little boy.
So new into this world,
And already watching his broken mother
Falling apart.

But most of all,
And for the first time ever in my Life,
I let go,
And I cried for Me.

I cried loudly.
I cried, gasping for air.
I cried screaming and rocking.
I cried with every part of my body, and with every part of my soul.

And then I screamed out.
(I think it was to the Universe.)
I screamed, “THIS IS ME!!”
“BROKEN AND DAMAGED AND IMPERFECT…….THIS IS ME!!”

And then I screamed again.
But this time I wasn’t sure if it was to the Universe or to my own Self,
“THIS IS ME……….Please, please Love Me Again!!”
And slowly, slowly………I began to Heal.

This is Me

  • Artist
    Notes
  • Artwork Comments 71

Artist's Description

Featured by RedBubble – Popular Art&Writing Page
Featured in Poetry & Beautiful Women
Featured in Writing – Persuing Happiness

I wrote this piece awhile ago, and I wasn’t sure if I would ever let it “outside.”

No-one has ever read it, or seen it, or heard it.

But something has told me that today is the day to let it go…….finally.

Sometimes I feel as if I wrote it in another lifetime, about someone else………

So now, I very nervously and very hesitantly post this for you all to read.

Or maybe I have posted it for myself……
I’m not entirely sure.

Artwork Comments

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