It’s a tee. It’s a dress. It’s the new Graphic T-shirt Dress.

Digby

Digby

Taipei, Taiwan, Province Of China

Journal

Planet Editing

I’ve just launched a new website for one of my businesses called Planet Editing. We specialize in English editing and proofreading of academic articles for journal publication. If you know any one with this kind of need or could create a link from your own website, I’d appreciate it.

Thanks

A funny email doing the traps.

Dear Employees,
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be considered for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programme (Scheme Covering Retired-Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who h…

Pissed it away so fast

How’s my 9 year old daughter taking to singing whatever I’m playing in the car or she’s heard on the radio. A year ago, I had this old Jimmy Buffet number reworked by Jack Johnson playing in the car, she’d heard it so many times before long she was singing:

“But I’ve done my share of smugglin’,
I’ve run my share of grass,
Made enough money to buy Miami,
But I pissed it away so fast,
Never meant to last, never meant to last.”

Pirate looks at 40

Yesterday, she was dancing around the house singing,

“I kissed a girl and I liked it,
Taste of her cherry chap-stick,
I kissed a girl and I liked it…”

by whoever

Life can be funny.

The Strange Machine

At my school, I run regular creative writing competitions. The students are all learning English as a foreign language. They take four hours of classes a week. Having learned Japanese and Chinese for years as well as Spanish at university and only ever reaching reasonable competency, I’m astounded by the natural flare and creativity of my students. Here is the last winner.

The Strange Machine

My uncle is an inventor. One day I was looking through the basement of his house, and I discovered a strange machine. It had many buttons, knobs, dials, and levers. I had never seen anything like it before. On one side was a button that read “on”. The machine had two big frog’s eyes, four things like legs, and hands. I was really excited so I decided to turn it on.
I pushed the red button carefu…

Interviews and Other Creepy Crawlies

After reading deliriousgirl’s superb portrayal of the creepy level of indignity that we all have to face when looking for a job, I was reminded of a character called Hugh Gallagher.

To attend NYU he had to answer the following:
3A. ESSAY: IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION:

ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON?

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time eff…

My Father's Beer Belly Is as Fathomless as a Black Hole

I have a language school. It is a small affair with less than a 100 students.

Last week, in an advanced writing class, we were learning similes and metaphors. I usually wrack my brains for a decent one but my students are all budding Mark Twains.

Here is a little of their literary genius:

My father’s beer belly is as fathomless as a black hole.

Stanley’s brain is a blank space like this piece of paper before me.

My mother’s smile is as sweet as the honey in the supermarket, not the cheap one.

My father’s hands are stately, like the paws of a bear.

There were many more weird and wonderful contributions, but all of this reminded me of this list of US high school student similes and analogies someone had sent me years ago:

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle…

The Day I Met the Premier

Years ago when I was about 21 or 2, I was a trainee manager at Young and Jackson’s Hotel in Melbourne. It is a downtown hotel opposite the main railway station and a city icon. It was so famous that every politician, boxer, racing identity, country folk, movie star, gangster, street punk, and derelict would stop by there for a drink at some stage. And it was because of this reason that the Victorian premier of the time, John Cain, had decided to launch his reelection campaign there. He, however, was a well known teatotaler and had organized his photo shoot for 8 am before the doors opened at 10.

Everything had apparently been organized on very short notice, as I had no idea what was about to occur and was at the pub cleaning the lines and putting on the barrels. At about 7am I recei…

Of Beer-Can Chicken, Friends, and the Irish

On the coast, I have friends who own a beach-house weekender. I’m a fairly frequent visitor and would be even more so if it weren’t for the fact that I have three kids and am married so that my arrival must by all reasonable measures constitute barging in, though my friends are, without fail, fabulous hosts and any sensitivity I have to the issue is purely of my own neurosis. All the same, I think it’s a respect worth holding on to as welcome mats can be worn and five people wear them out faster than one. But, whatever, yesterday was the same as any other occasion I’ve visited and I am slightly envious of the freewheeling life style these guys have carved out for themselves.

It’s all pretty civilized, well at least I thought it was until Jim asked, “How’z about some beer-can chicken?” I d…

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