A stroll through the woods

Ryan Duclos
Author: Ryan Duclos
Word Count: 732
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A stroll through the woods

A tail of tales!

A stroll through the woods belongs to the following groups:

All Things Poetic, Artistic, Philosophical, Short stories - Spherical Scriptings, Twisted Tales and WMG

Spring mornings were always the best, nothing could beat the feeling of the cool air nipping at your ears and being surrounded by thick rolling fog. Nearby a small stream could be heard, the water bubbling over the ancient rocks making them even more like soft little eggs. There was even something magical about how the sun rays filtered down to the ground, giving life to the small plants below. This morning Andy decided to come along with me since he had never been in this part of the forest before.
Andy inhaled till his lungs were so filled with air that I thought he might have flown away and this morning made it seem like a real possibility.
“Whew, this is absolutely amazing, I need to join you more often when you come over here.”
We walked through the woods till we got to my favorite spot. Upon arriving are eyes were immediately captured by the radiant sun beam that lit up a circle of about ten feet. This circle of encapsulated light was covered in grass as soft as a milkweed leaf, many naps have been spent here.
“Oh snap, and I thought it couldn’t get any better, this place is…wow!
“Ya, I try to make it over here at least a couple of times a week.”
Andy laid down on the grass, soaking in the sunlight. I joined him a couple minutes later, at the moment my attention was focused on the small minnows in the stream. Their scales reflected the sunlight, making it seem as though these small bright stars were the very essence of the stream animating life in the sun.
Like all peaceful melancholy mornings, restlessness soon crept in and I went over and tapped Andy.
“You’re it!” I took off, and jumped over the stream.
“Oh, come on, just as I was about to doze off as well.” Andy stretched out and quickly got to his feet and took off after me.
Brush, tree roots, plants, nothing kept me from entering further into the deep dark green heart of the forest. Andy was high on my tail and getting through the forest just as easily, this was one foe that was going to be hard to overcome.
Where should I go? But before I could come up with an answer, an overwhelming smell caught me by surprise and I stopped running.
“Whoa, Why’d you stop?”
“Can’t you smell that?”
Andy took a sniff, “I sure can, where do you think it’s coming from?”
“There’s hardly any wind, so I’m guessing somewhere over here.”
Andy started running in the direction of the smell, “Come on, let’s go check it out.”
I followed after him and the closer we got the stronger the smell became. It was the most magnificent smell I had ever come across, I don’t know what it was, but it made me feel light and energetic.
Soon we both stopped, completely surrounded by the smell we couldn’t tell exactly where it was coming from.
“I can’t get enough of this.”
I, too wanted to find the source of this wonderful intoxication. We walked around forgetting any worries or doubts that came along with strolling through the forest. BOOM! A loud noise shattered the silence coming from my right. I tried running but my legs collapsed underneath me, and pain started to envelop my whole body. What ever that noise was, it had somehow drained me and was the source behind the excruciating pain that was keeping me from running away. I looked for Andy, but he was no where to be seen, he must have escaped. I laid my head down upon a nest of leaves and heard footsteps coming toward me. The footsteps were getting closer and closer, what could it be? My eyes began to close—an unknown force was taking over my body and shutting it down. Soon I was in darkness but my ears, my ears were still alive so I listened.
“Nice shot Rick!”
“Ya, whew he’s a 8 pointer, lets get him back to the truck, we’re having jerky tonight!”
My ears like the rest of my body finally gave in, and soon I could feel I was going to leave this place with my last thought being, “What’s jerky?”

The End

  • Russell Holder

    Russell Holder

    God… I love venison jerky! A good story on a deer’s perspective, with a little twist at the end. Animal lover’s will have a hay day with it, and yes, I feed the animals that keep me!

  • Solar Zorra

    Solar Zorra

    That was great! you had me till the very end….........good twist. It really did make me empathetic for the deer, now I’m torn up…...I love venison jerky too.;)

  • Hilary Robertshaw

    Hilary Robertshaw

    HI Ryan

    Nice twist I didn’t see that one coming. I liked the story but you’ve got to watch your tenses. The first para starts out present then goes past and then this bit:-

    Andy takes a sniff, “I sure can, where do you think it’s coming from?”
    “There’s hardly any wind, so I’m guessing somewhere over here.”
    Andy starts running in the direction of the smell, “Come on, let’s go check it out.”

    And a couple of bits of SPAG…

    “Think rolling fog” Thick perhaps

    “Andy inhaled till his lungs were inflated so much I thought he might float away, especially on such a wonderful morning seemed like a real possibility.” Needs looking at.

    You probably think I’m being really picky but it’s important that you get the technicalities in place too. I do like the way you write.

    Hx

  • Ryan Duclos replied

    Pick away!

    :Excuse:
    Haha, I guess I get so into writing the story that I have to put everything in present tense, I think I should just erase everything that has a ’s’ at the end, unless it’s plural :p

    Thank you for your comments!

  • RavenMayfair

    RavenMayfair

    Great twist – I had to read it twice to get it!

  • ChainmailChick

    ChainmailChick

    I have a hard time sticking to tenses, too, so don’t feel like the lone stranger, lol. Great story, totally unexpected ending.

  • ripinamberlost

    ripinamberlost

    =) awesome story, didn’t figure out the point of view till the end =P i love itt =)=)

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