Our story begins a long time ago, when there was a rampant pest problem in our humble abode. I searched high and low for an exterminator who could handle the vicious onslaught of vermin that we faced, but to no avail. And so, in the ruins of our besieged dwelling, I began to formulate a desperate and daring plan of action: Hire a professional. A mercenary, if you will. A tough mother with a lifetime of experience hunting and killing.
So I delved into the dark world of contract killers and hired guns. Amidst all of the qualified candidates, one in particular stood out. He simply went by “D.R.” and boasted a resume of action in the hottest combat zones on earth. He seemed to be our salvation and so I established contact and set up a meeting.
While I admit that I was perplexed that he wished to meet in the vegetable section of the local supermarket, I figured it was out of paranoia: meeting in a public place and all. Soon the appointed hour arrived and I whisked myself off to the rendezvous. Imagine my shock when I arrive to find no sign of the hardened warrior that I expected. Indeed, there appeared to be nobody in the vegetable section at all. Until…I looked down. And there in front of me was a small, grey rabbit. He wore a pot on his head and well-worn combat boots. All this was complimented by a bandolier of cheese puffs and a wooden spoon. He introduced himself as D.R.
I was, of course, less than impressed. My vermin busting savior had turned out to be nothing more than an overgrown, crazed rodent with a cooking pot on his head. When I told him that I had reconsidered, his reaction was fearsome. His eyes first bulged and then he let out an ungodly scream of gibberish. All the while, he beat his pot encased head with his spoon causing a most disturbing racket.
I squinted and covered my ears in response and when I looked around he had vanished into the produce department. While I did not retain his services, this strange fellow has always stuck in my memory. This bizarre bunny. This unhinged hare. This…Demented Rabbit.