HER FATHER'S DAUGHTER

We can go either way, that of our conditioning or that of our own making…..however, a 6 year old has no chance of making her own at such a tender age. And inevitably acts out her understood conditioning.
I can’t help but consider grown adults stagnating internally at a particular age – based upon a traumatic or sublime experience….the method of handling such an event is constantly applied throughout life.

Thanks DG – this piece is wonderfully written and does stand alone. Yet for me has my mind ticking….

its freaking me out. I feel sick but want to keep reading…..

hehe, DG … great minds think alike … emailing you a partial now … may give you grist for the mill.

You got my attention Honey. You usually do too.

Is that the red room in the Blu Room or is there another entrance off the Red Bubble. or can you send me the yellow link to. it…. but put it in purple so I know its from you.
Hi Hun..You got an easy link for lill old me? To see you in the Red Room.. If its a photo of you or atleast the rear of you in Black and White wearing a very sexy Black lace number….. yes I did see it. Cant wait to see your smile also.

this is brilliant Jen .. heartbreaking and brilliant.

That’s what her daddy called it: weakness of character. Always in others, never in himself. Always, always in his wife and children.

such strong character descriptions here .. xx

Damn! you know why

ok sweetie going…..

Great story, too bad it is the fabric of real memories for many people.:(

the violence, the growing up too soon, the anger and disgust at having childhood stolen away… this one reached out and grabbed me by the throat…thank you for this. The only way to heal is to feel and pieces like this can help me and many others to do that.

Yes, I believe you do….

I was nervous reading this at the beginning after the playground story, but this one seems more upbeat!

Well, I wasn’t really looking for hot or uplifting, but I must say I’m curious now. Where is the red room?

HERE

Good stuff, friend.

Well, my family is from the Ozarks, and I grew up coastal California with all Braceros for friends as a kid. So, in a word…yes.

Whew! We both do end up with some dangerously twisted kids in out tales of domestic violence eh? Darkly tantalising and chilling in a good way. Please don’t forget to link it in this week’s Star Twisters thread ;)

I hope you post the original version as well – there isn’t any rule that forbids posting alternate versions, is there?

Even after reading one of Lehane’s masterpieces, this still had a powerful impact. And Lehane is a hard act to follow, in my opinion, so don’t sell this story short. A tragic choice for the poor girl, one that will no doubt scar her for life, but I can’t say it’s one I blame her for. For all that she’ll have to live with the consequences, it is as if he put the gun in her hands and squeezed her finger onto the trigger. That tension, between who is truly guilty and who will suffer, is perhaps what gives the story such force and depth.

I’m not going into the whys and what for’s crap.

I’m just going to say a damn fine read DG.

Well written!!

Aren’t parents who forget their children have brains always in for trouble? Great imagery in such a short story. I could picture it.

Ahh the mind of a 6 year old is sometimes dangerous, and this story has brought it to the light. I love it, every last bit of it !

What intrigues me here is how we all assume that the girl has a real gun, it is loaded and she will actually pull the trigger. That’s the power of this story not what she might end up doing – but the fact that at such an early age she she’s a gun as some kind of way of ending suffering. Now that is even more chilling no matter what happens next.

I meant to say “at such an early age she SEES a gun…”

Doh…note to self not to reply at 7.30am on a Monday morning! ;)

Absolutely amazing…...you had me from the first line to the last and I even found myself holding my breath for a second (thank god I remembered to breathe lol) This is a VERY strong story…so well written and developed!!!!! Great work hon!!!! xoxoxoxo

Nicely done Jen, and the ending is an image I can really picture. Must be the twisted nature of a kid that should be sweet and fun resorting to gun violence through her upbringing.

No wonder the damn gators are so fucking Big !

I agree with Wanderingauthor. Brutality and cruely reap as much consequence as kindness and compassion. It’s the old reap what you sow thing. Most seem to dwell on the little girl’s emotional scars. I tend to take the other (albeit emotionally jostled) stand that leaches a certain catharsis into her actions. Daddy made his bed and taught by example .Whatever. The world is minus one more beast. Poetic justice

LOL. I meant CRUELTY.Yeah, US language obsessives. LOL

What intrigues me is that, in the illusion of strength that her father has given her, she still feels the need to protect her siblings from the family horror. She even felt that it was important for her brothers to stay away from her mama the next day.

You’ve packed a punch in this tale. While I cringe at the thought that this plot represents reality, I did enjoy witnessing your competence in displaying it. Spectacular.

oh my goodness, I think we have a winner!!!! GREAT stuff, great twist, great image, great everything!

Very powerful and well written piece! So much emotion and anguish in so few words. Excellent work!

Nice work. An example of how violence can be handed down in a family that knows nothing else. You play well with the feel that this has gone on for so long it has become routine. And breaking that routine – the bundle in the canal – spins their world into even darker places.

There is little to add that hasn’t been already said. A great story about a horrible man who seems to be about to get what he deserves.

This one’s going to give me nightmares. Powerful story, powerfully written.

Very chilling tale, very well written

many congrats!!! awesome news – it’s a great story with a fantastic but so sad twist

Fuckin’ Hell, this is dark and gritty.

Disturbing and brilliant.

my kinda girl!

Janie’s got a gun… ;-)

your tale sang to me… congrats on your win, great writing dg.

Congratulations on the win!!!!!!!! It was well-deserved!!!!!!!!!!!

My dad had a drinking problem when i was a child. he had 8 children, the 2 older ones already out on thier own, one son (older then me) passed away, and i was left as the eldest of the 5 remaining children. When the fighting started between dad and mom, i would take my 4 younger siblings (1 sister, 3 brothers), out through the upstairs window, we would jump down onto dads truck (wasnt that high with a lower roof) and off we went down the street, up 3 blocks to a woman i trusted to house us for the night. I couldnt bare to hear my siblings cry, i took them away from it each time. Its ugly to go through.

Congratulations on your win! I’m always happy to lose to a story I know is better than my own, and this certainly was.

Wow! I was planning to write something profound and thought provoking, but by the time I got to the bottom of this list, I forgot what it was I wanted to say… excellent story. “The regular horror of her house.” poetic, true, succinct. Well done and congratulations.

Any profundity I might have is yours… I’m going to go take a cold shower now…

Congratulations on being Twisted Tales weekly champion in our Canal Star Twister challenge. Richly deserved!

A really good read, just the sort of thing I’d like to make into a song if the “Janie’s got a gun” crowd wouldn’t come after me. One thing: try “the heavy gun held steadily in both hands, just the way her daddy taught her.”

Much congratulations My dear!!

They were indeed! Great competition leads to even greater writing!

you’re such a sweetheart .. thanx for the link ..

I loved this story .. it resonated with me .. and, it didn’t need much swinging around.

xx

ooh i’ll have to go and check out what the word is .. intriguing ..

i love MT’s stuff too

What a strong little girl. I know many like her. Your story offers empowerment to others… thanks for posting it.

Wow, it’s deliriously awful. You convey one fuck of a lot in those few words and it’s a little like being punched. Isn’t it odd how the sad girls always seem to find each other?

Just in case it wasn’t clear, I meant “awful” as “powerful and cool.”

Whoa! Great stuff.
I’ll have to puruse your writing when I’m not supposed to be working … you deserve to have my full attention!

Wow! This is powerful! Love it!

Good stuff! !

no prob keep it comeing

Very powerful. Nice work.

You’re are one hell of a writer….. lady! xx

WOW! I got goosebumps before I even realized it, while reading….that hardly ever happens….wow…such truth here

I love the power and intensity of this piece, guess all that machismo backfired on him, ‘scuse the pun.

“filthy, fetid water”

such a great description! this story is full of them!!!! wonderful!

Great Story,ending was wickedly good

fantastically written…enthralled me and ended perfectly~*

you have the gift… and you use it so very well…....... b

nicely written, I enjoyed reading this piece

this is an amazing story, you are one fuck of a writer!

great character study leading to the end…..wanted to read more.

Congratulations on winning the Twisted Tales Star Twister May Grand Final with this tale!

Congratulations Deliriousgirl – great stuff!

great work for winning first prize…well done indeed

Well-paced, and marvelously cryptic. Excellent work!!

you go girl! congrats on the win , very pleased for you :-)

the only cure for love is more love.

brrr… wanna hear something as twisted as your tale? did you know that those words you spoke up there, are almost identical to the very same words spoken by a blogger I once interacted with named Joseph Duncan? He was a pedophile and at the time of speaking those very same words, he kidnapped and abused two children, one of them he murdered, burnt and scattered the remains of…

Pretty twisted hu?

Joseph Duncan

Read it… It’s a fascinating tale, you’ll find me amongst the thousands of commenters somewhere. ;-)

So many wonderful comments on a magnificent story. All I can say is you took me there, it was as though it was a movie playing before my eyes. Not only did I see it, I was touched deeply. My senses all came to life, you have a wonderful talent deliriousgirl, I’m so glad you chose to share it here.

Absolutely burning up lol how did you know?????

Chilling Gripping and Horrific. Yet so well written.
Cheers steve.

This is just the beginning?

i look forward to the next 250 :)

i am not sure exactly what i can write as a comment that hasn’t been written already.. you are a queen of your craft Deliriousgirl… & the story… gripping, tormenting, sad….thought provoking…..

The ending scared me, literally. it’s giving me goosebumps…

amazing writing.. where is the rest? i’m all intrigued and want to read on!

Crazy powerful. Now I have chills, thanks a lot delirious!

My goodness! What an incredible story….so brilliantly written! Stunning writing!

I know what the monster looks like, 2 and a half years he serves for being a demon, yet scares the life of the younge forever. You write well as if your eyes have seen!!!...)o(

Oh my! Sends shivers… love the read, great stuff!

wow!
ok, you got me.
i will now have to read everyting you write.
but, not all today :)

Wow, so powerful – you wove this well!

Very dark, very strong, love this narrative.

This, like all your writing is very good. Are these pieces the start of longer works, or just snapshots? I’d read like to read a short story form you. Any chance?

I should have guessed that there was a good reason for them being so short. My comment was to prompt you to write more, because somewhere above you said you found it hard to get to 250 words – that now makes much more sense! I should read all the previous comments first!

I agree about the drift in the direction literacy is taking – I write in long sentences, and they seem to be going out of fashion big time :) And how did Rowling do better than Pullman?

Have you/do you use Writers’ Dock?

Please do send me the links – reading other people’s work keeps me going with my own (26,000 words done, maybe be finished in the spring).