I ask you to understand me…

So many sleepless nights have come and gone now, compelling me to render definitive explanations. If not for you, then let it be for my own sanity and calmness. So few of my core feelings have ever reached my lips and to be spoken in your presence. Those words created and lost in our moments of warmth and safety. Somehow those words still desire to flourish and bloom even now when our sun has set…

So few meaningful words that should’ve been said neither ever see the light of day, nor felt the heaviness of those words gravity are ever felt in their full depth. And as I wait for a second chance that may never come, I am suspended in time, standing still, scorched by your loves radiance. I never intended a rainbow of such complexity. Though my roots are strong with hope… If I wait too long I will risk myself to wither in the shadows…

I’m sorry; I had no right to ask you to understand the ways of love that never seem to make sense even to me. Still my heart loves without choosing to. The more I fight to escape your love the more powerful it became. So I threw my hands up and surrendered to love but I wasn’t ready for this fall. Somewhere in my shadow, somewhere there is light. I know we could find it, but only if we try… I only wanted to protect you from the things I say, the things I do. I never meant to hurt you; I only meant to love you… Instead of forgiveness give me understanding, give me a little faith, and give me truth…

I asked you to understand something unexplainable. Two people who love each other unconditionally. Just two souls destined to entwine. This is not about our affection or the way we kissed… I’m asking you to understand another kind of love, a love that knows nothing of lust for physical bodies… A love that is built on faith… Like the stem supports the flower and knows little of its fragrance. Just believe in me like you always believed in me… Let me have my home, let me have my love, let me have my connecting souls and understand me…

If it’s true that souls are reborn and live many lives, then I wonder if certain souls like us keep finding each other time after time… And in every life seeking out each other, even across great distance and time… forever drawn to one another… If the soul knows nothing of gender once outside the body, then the truest love is when two souls intertwine in every life time or at least until we get it right…

I don’t want to wait till our lives are over to tell you how I feel… You may tire of me, of my words so naive… I’m not who I used to be. Now I live inside someone I do not recognize, when I catch my own reflection. But then we watched the sunrise and sunsets, arms stretched and hearts open wide. Tears did fall, smiles grinned, and I can still remember when love used to be stronger than pride. Those were the days, those were the nights. You and me, that was really sweet…

Pulling me away from everything I knew just to be there with you… I still marvel at how our days could seem to fly by and fade away. I guess that’s nature’s way… But the love we have is everything… Can’t we reach and open our hearts wide again? I know we are free, then why can’t we?