Passion of Love
“Black Shadows.” rated R
Logan walked down the hall on his way to professor’s office, his boot heals echoing as his heavy steps hit the hardwood floors. He only got about half way down the hall when he smelled and herd Scott and Jean in the kitchen making breakfast and chatting. A sickly feeling hit his stomach hard as thoughts of Scott’s head spinning threw the air followed by a trail of deep red blood splattered threw his mind. He could hear the head drop to the floor with a hollow sound and it produced the most sinister chuckle of satisfaction Logan ever had the displeasure of hearing himself spew. He stopped walking and hung his head low as he took a deep breath and held it for a moment or two then finally exhaling to clear his mind. “You aint ready for this yet. You aint ready to face it, to face them.” he told himself and turned around walking back down the hall to his room.
In the Kitchen as Jean was enjoying her breakfast when she was interrupted with a powerful sense of an angry presents on the edge of loosing full control. Logan’s image flashed threw her mind followed by the words “…aint ready for this” she knew he was heading back to his room. At the same time she heard the distant sound of a door slamming.
“Jean?” Scott t started snapping his fingers a couple of times. “Earth to Jean.” Scott joked. "Hello, have you hard a single word I’ve said? You look like you’re in a trance. " he quietly laughed as he took a bite of the yellow scrambled eggs.
“What?” Jean responded trying to focus back into Scott’s conversation. “I’m sorry, it’s Logan, he was walking down the hall on his way to see the professor when he couldn’t because he would have to pass us.” she finished
Setting down his fork, Scott thought for a moment about how painful seeing he and Jean together might be for Logan, but he couldn’t dwell on it, it made no sense to him. Jean made her choice and Logan was going to have to deal with it as far as he was concerned.
“So what’s next Jean? You going to go to his room and talk with him about this? I somehow doubt that is a good idea.” Scott stated as he picked up his fork and took another bite of egg.
“Well good idea or not, yes Scott that is just exactly what I am going to do. The longer I wait the harder it will be and the worse the tension will get. Right now is the best time. Professor needs us to clear this up as soon as we can, he doesn’t need any more delays. We will have to work together you know. I don’t see how we are going to be able to with this hovering over us like a greedy vulture waiting to swoop down to pick the carcass clean, do you?” She informed
“Nope, I fully agree, let’s go talk to him, let him throw his fits and what ever else he needs to throw and be done with it.” Scott stated in a point-of-fact manner.
“Scott, I am going to talk to Logan alone. I created this, I feel it’s up to me to fix it. In fact I insist you don’t come with me. Let me clean up my own mess.” Jean directed as she got up and headed out of the kitchen and down the hall. Scott sat at the table quietly eating watching her with out any intention what so ever in following her.
Jean remains completely focused as she reaches Logan’s door. She took a deep breath and tried to control the binding tightness she now felt deep with in. Releasing her air, she knocked on the door. There was no answer. The strong sent of that stinky cheap cigar she hated so much rushed from under the door and right up her nose with out concern.
“Come on Logan, I know you’re in there!” she said getting a little irritated.
“Beat it! You anit welcomed here.” he bellowedJean now found her self feeling like an invader. She ignored it and opened the door despite the threting sounds of an angered male. Logan sat at the end of his bed with a cold harsh stare on his face trying his best to intimidate her into turning around and running back down the hall. This worked with most people, but Jean was not “most people”.
“Didn’t yeah hear what I said? You aint welcomed here.” he spoke with a low even toned voice , clenching his cigar tightly in his teeth puffing as smoke seeped out of the corner of his mouth.
“You know you don’t scare me Logan, I just want to talk about Sasha, she said trying to remain strong. “I miss her.” Before she could finish her statement Jean started to cry softly still trying to talk. “I miss my baby, Logan.” she put her head down covering her face with her hands and cried harder.
Logan wanted to say something cruel to hurt her the way she hurt him, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it, he still loved her. Seeing her hurt like this was tearing him up inside. His face softened and he put his cigar out on the bottom of his boot, “I’m sorry Red.” he began hanging his head in shame. “I shouldn’t of taken her away like that, it was wrong.”
Jean looked up and wiping her face with her hands as a glimmer of hope filled her heart. “Can you bring her back Logan? Please, I just want to hold her again.” she pleaded
Logan looked up at Jean “It aint safe out there right now. She safe where she is, trust me on this.”
“Trust you, Logan I don’t know anything about who she is with or if she will be ok, and you expect me to just trust you after you took her away?” Jean protested
“You’re right, I can’t expect that of you. See for your self darling.” Logan stated opening his mind to her.
Jean entered Logan’s mind and saw Sasha and Chief Silver Stream’s nation. She understood that Sasha was in good hands but it brought little comfort to her cold and empty arms.
“So you trust me?” Logan asked
“What choice do I have?” Jean asked
“You anit got one.” Logan informed
Jean sensing a harshness in his voice states “You must really hate me.”
“Look Jean, things aint never gonna be square between you and me again, but that doesn’t mean I hate you.” he replied
“You took her away just to hurt me Logan, what do you expect me to think?” She asked
Logan felt the anger boil with in him at the sound of her selfish words. “I took her away ’cause you had better things to do! Remember?! Did you really think I was gonna stick around and watch you and Scott play house? What kind of sap do you take me for?” He asked with a snarl.
“You didn’t even once consider how I would feel, did you?” She accused
“Consider how you would feel?!” he started now standing up and yelling. " Let me ask you this lady, did you consider my feelings when you kissed all over Scott right in front of me and Sasha like we weren’t even there?! Did it ever cross your mind how that made me feel!? did it? What did you think Jean? Oh old Logan, he’ll understand! Well guess what… I don’t understand, and I am never gonna understand! I didn’t take Sasha away to hurt you, you don’t have a thing to do with it! I took her away because she needs me, she didn’t want to be left behind, and I couldn’t stand being here around YOU! He forcefully stated as his lip quivered with emotion.
“I was confused, I didn’t know what I was feeling Logan. Please, you gotta believe me! I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to hurt our daughter.” Jean explained
Logan now calming down and sighed, “I know Jean, but the fact is darling, you did. You did hurt us. Deeply. Sasha has a strong mental link with me. She’s just a baby, she doesn’t really understand, but she feels everything I feel. I know it, because I can feel what she feels. She’s gonna be caring this for the rest of her life. What a hell of a way to start out Jean.” Logan stated shaking his head in disbelief. I don’t know if i can get past that, even if I get pass what I feel, I just don’t know if I can ever get pass the burden you put on our daughter.
It was too late for words of a apology, too late for explanations on how she didn’t mean for any of this to happen and Jean understood that. What’s done is done. The only thing she knew to say at this point was how she felt at this moment.
“I know you did what you felt was best for Sasha Logan, but it still hurts. Maybe I deserve it and then some, but I’m still her mother, nothing will change that. Nothing.” She quietly stated
“We done? I gotta see the professor in a half hour, and I need to pull myself together.” Logan informed
“Yeah, I guess we’re done.” Jean said quietly turned around and walked out the door, closing it behind her.
As Logan heard the door shut, his heart aced and he found himself once again with streams of emotion running down his face. He took in the air hard and deeply, exhaling with a dragged sigh as if to expel the feeling trusted upon him.
Half an hour later, as promised, Logan was outside the professor’s door. The sent of three people invaded his nostrils. How he wished it was a one on one, just he and Charles. Logan enjoyed speaking with Charles alone. He always felt respected and understood. He tried and tried his best to prepare for the encounter he was forced to embark on, yet he still had unresolved feelings lurking deep inside.
“Not looking forward to this.” he thought to himself knowing it wasn’t going to be easy to see Jean and Scott together in any fashion. Pressing forward, Logan opened the door and walked in.
“Right on time Logan. Please have a seat over there next to Scott.” professor directed mindlessly as he pointed in Scott’s direction.
Logan tried to maintain composure while taking in the distasteful suggestion.
“I’ll have a seat, but it ain’t gonna be next to Scotty-boy over there.” he stated with a discussed scowl.
“As you wish.” Professor agreed now embarrassed. His mind was so preoccupied when he made the suggestion he had forgotten for a moment that there were other issues to deal with.
Professor clears his throat as Logan takes the seat next to Scott picking it up and relocating it on the opposite side of the desk. Both Jean and Scott watch on as Scott shook his head in repudiation and muttering softly under his breath.
“Typical.” he stated with a hiss
Just as he was about to sit down Logan’s sharp ears perked up and he detected the sound as it escaped from Scott’s lips. He set the chair in place and abruptly turned to face him.
“What the hell did you just say about me boy!?” Logan demanded
Scott still sitting, turned his head away and ignored Logan thinking that would be the end of it.
Professor, trying to establish order respectfully asking Logan to calm down and take his seat, but Logan ignored Charles’s request.
“I asked you a question boy. What did you just say?” He insisted now walking closer until he was standing right in front of Scott.
“Logan he didn’t mean anything by it” Jean tried.
“I didn’t ask you. I asked HIM.” Logan stated point-blank never taking his eyes off of Scott who was sitting uninhibited in his seat.
“I didn’t say anything.” he stated with a smirk “Why don’t you just do us all a favor and take your seat so we can get this thing started.” Scott finished with an arrogant wave.
Suddenly Logan grabbed him with both hands by his shirt collar jerking Scott out of his seat, bringing him to eye level “The HELL you didn’t!” Logan growled shaking him as he spoke.
Scott angrily put his hands onto Logan’s now gripping fingers trying to pry them away but his grip was far too tight. Frustrated and growing angrier Scott yelled. “Get your fucking hands OFF of me!”
Professor and Jean sat in shock. never had they known Scott to have an outburst with such conviction and profanity.
Logan growled deeply now showing his teeth. He pushed Scott back in his chair so hard that when he hit the seat, it fell over leaving him flat on the floor. Scott’s blood boiled over.
“Oh that is IT!” he warned as his voice cracked. “I’ve tried being nice! I’ve tried to understand how you feel, but you just crossed the line mister! I have HAD it with you!” he stated now pointing at Logan as he got up to his feet.“You want IT! You GOT IT! I’m not going to sit here ad let you pee all over me like some subordinate wimp!” Scott informed.
Logan stood firm with his hand beckoning, “Come on!!” he grinned as his eyes seemed to capture the light.
With out warning a screaming Scott Summers charged Logan full speed like a bull going for a red target, knocking him flat. Scott now on top started to unload fist after fist. Logan caught the 3rd fist in his right hand as he balled his left his fist popping Scott hard in the mouth then kicking him off sending him flying.
Logan roused up to his feet spitting as he spoke. “That all you got BOY!?” he taunted now wiping his mouth with his hand.
“You son of a bitch ANIMAL!” Scott responded.
His head was spinning and his jaw felt numb. Blood poured from the side of his mouth but he was too angry to even take note. Scott pulled himself up to his feet and lifted his visor to blast Logan out of the room when Jean stopped him.
Before he relized it Logan found himself trapped in a force field and floating above. “Put me down WOMAN!!” he barked now pushing himself downward trying to use his weight to break free,but Jean’s hold was too powerful.
“Jean contain Logan until I can reasoned with him.” professor directed
“Don’t worry Charles, I got this under control.” she stated
“Now this has gone far enough, just look at you both! You are acting worse than children!! To force me to become involved like this is beyond all reason.
Scott, I expect you to act like an adult while in my office! Is THAT understood?” he asked
Scott shook his head in agreement as he sat down in his chair trying to collect himself.
“Jean you may release Logan now.” he directed
Jean lets Logan down gently in his chair.
“Thank you Jean.” professor continues addressing both Scott and Logan. “I want you both to settle this matter right now! There is a war out there and I don’t need one in here! This useless bickering stops while you both are in my presents, do I make myself clear?!” he demanded
“Yes sir.” Scott agrees. “Logan, I’m sorry. I was acting like a jerk.” he stated looking Logan in both eyes,
“Sheesh! You are SUCH a brown nose suck up! Logan replied rolling his eyes with a smirk.
“Logan, I would appreciate it if you would respect Scott, at least while in MY office, please! he said with an angry look.
“Yeah, ok.” Logan agreed
“You know something Logan, believe it or not, I really am sorry, about everything.” Scott added
“Logan, remember what I requested of you, before you made the decision to return?” Charles asked
“Bout being able to work with the boy scout here for the cause?” Logan asked
“Yes, that, and how I felt you two need to talk, see each other threw each other’s eyes.” he added
“Sounds a bit on the fruit loop side, don’t you think, Chuck.” Logan smirked
“Regardless, that is my request. Jean and I will leave you and Scott alone in this office to talk in privet. And Logan, you WILL stay as neither of you will be permitted to open that door until you both understand each other. Period.” Professor warned.
“You’re forcing us to stay?” Scott asked in concern
“YES Scott, that is exactly what I am doing at this point.” He informed as he and Jean leave the office.
Jean locked the door mentally behind them.
Logan and Scott sat quietly staring at each other. Each waiting for the other to start.
“What the hell are you looking at?” Logan spouted off.
“A jack ass.” Scott replied
“Jackass THIS bub!” Logan said as he popped his middle claw at Scott.
Scott rolled his eyes, “Yeah THAT will solve every thing won’t it? Do you even KNOW how to have a conversation or is your answer to everything a fight!?” he sarcastically inquired.
“Oh fuck YOU Summers! You think you’re so smart! You don’t know SHIT about the world. All you know how to do is kiss Chuck’s ASS. Brown nose BOY SCOUT!” Logan stated
Scott sat quietly thinking about what he was going to say next. He had no intention of letting this turn into what Logan wanted. He was going to lead the conversation to a solution whether Logan liked it or not.
“You’re wrong about me Logan. I don’t kiss Charles ass as you put it. I believe in the cause, I believe in him. I know he is the one person in this world that we mutants can count on. His cause for peace and understanding with out death is something I have ALWAYS believed in Logan. Always.” I fight with him because I share his vision, not because I kiss his ass! You don’t seem to understand the difference between agreement and ass kissing. Let me tell you something About this BOY SCOUT Boy as you seem so bent on calling me. When I was captured and torchered on White Island I didn’t give in! Not just for myself, but for EVERYONE of us, I …" Scott found himself unable to continue, the words of what he had to endure would not come out.
Logan began to realize what Scott had to deal with, he didn’t know what happened, but he recognized the look in Scott’s face. The look of tortcher and anger, the same look he himself woke up with every morning.
“What did they do to you Scott?” Logan asked
Scott started to breath harder as he tried to find a way to avoid answering the question.
“What’s the matter Logan, your eyes don’t work? You can’t SEE what is different about me? Can’t you tell my legs are GONE!” he screamed breathing harder as he struggled to remain in control.
“Let it out Slim. Let it all out. I’ve been there, I KNOW what you’re feeling.” Logan informed
“Oh do you? Do you really? I some how doubt that! Your result was an unbreakable skeleton! You can heal right back up Logan! It’s not the SAME.” Scott stated as his emotion started to get out of his control.
“Is that what you think? I can heal back up so no big deal? No Slim, that anit it at all buddy. not even close. You have no idea what they did to me if you think that.” Logan said calmly.
“What they did to you? What about ME! hah? You want to know what they did to ME?? First they shot me full of drugs that left me sterol! then they RAPED me! That’s right RAPE all the time laughing”, he started to breath harder, “My eyes were blinded by the tape that sealed my visor to my head, but I could hear everything. EVERYTHING the Laughter, the saw, the crunching of my own bones in their MOUTHS! All I could think about was Jean, her image, our life together! It’s what kept me ALIVE! You didn’t go threw that Logan.” Scott said as his whole body quivered.
Logan looked at Scott taking his words in. For the first time he truly understood. He got up and walked to sit quietly next to Scott who turned away from him. the only sound was Scott’s heavy breathing.
“I understand, more than you think Scott.” Logan started
Scott turned to face Logan. “I may have this gift of healing and these metal bones, but that’s all I have. There aint much of me left Slim. I lost that years ago, they took it all away. No healing factor can ever heal the scars with in. I never told anyone this before but I remember the day I woke up in that tank. All the eyes looking at me, male and female, They stripped my clothing and shaved me bald. Didn’t even have the decency to give me a damn loin cloth because I wasn’t human anyway. I remember bit’s a pieces. They come out every now and then. One flash image that stuck with me all these years was of a lab assistant. skinny, scronny weak little fuck! He had it for me. Must of, when no one was around that sick bastard helped himself to me! There I was all drugged up, and helpless to stop him. I don’t know the details and I don’t want to know, but I remember one thought very clearly after I got the hell out of there. He was the first one I hunted down, and he didn’t go easy, I saw to that. People do vile things to others when they can get away with it Scott. It don’t mean you aint a man.” Logan finished
Scott looked at Logan and began to speak. “It was like some horrible nightmare I couldn’t wake up from. I couldn’t do ANYTHING about it. Nothing. Those laughs echo in my mind every night! I can’t get it out of my head! I WISH to God I could have killed them!! Maybe I would be able to deal with it better.” Scott cringed as streams of salty water raced from under his visor,
“Listen to me Slim, killing them didn’t make the nightmares go away, if anything it added to them.” Logan explained
“But a least you got justice for what they did to you, I didn’t!” Scott stated
“That’s what you think? I got justice? That aint what happened at all Slim. All I got was more pain. When they saw what I really was, what I really can do, it didn’t matter to them that a few of them went down in the process. They wanted their weapon. It went on for YEARS like that Scott. Where is the justice you say I got? I don’t see it. Aint nothing ever gonna fix this. Nothing. Only thing we can do buddy is press forward as best we can.” he said placing his arm on Scott’s shoulder when the unexpected happened. Scott fell into Logan’s arms and went into a crying jag. Logan held him close in understanding, shedding a few tears of his own.
“Let it out boy, let it all out. it’s OK. I understand.” Logan said as Scott sobbed like a small child who just lost it’s mother.
“How do you live with it? How?! Oh God I’m so ANGRY, and there is nothing I can DO ABOUT IT. Nothing! he grind his teeth and screamed out.
“You have a RIGHT to be angry ! Don’t let ‘em ever tell you you don’t!” But you have to learn to live with it, live with what was done and remember it is in the past. Let yourself breath in the present."
Logan pulled away to look Scott in both eyes, “Look at me boy.” he stated, “Look, I may not have all the answers and I may not have fixed all my problems, but I can tell you one thing, you can learn to use what happen as a tool to help others. Those legs you have, I’m sure they do special tricks right?” Logan asked
“Yes, they have weapons and special functions if that’s what you’re asking.” he replied drying his eyes.
“Well Slim what’s done is done right, so take what you have and use it for the good! That’s one way to start healing. Hell, if you ever need to talk I’m here for you., believe me I don’t open up to many people for a reason. You and I have something in common now, you understand better than most, as I do.” Logan explained
“What about Jean Logan? Can you understand that? Can you accept it?” Scott asked
“I don’t know buddy. I’m still pretty raw over it. It aint just me Slim, theirs Sasha to consider she’s just an innocent in this. She deserves better than she got.” he finished
“I know Logan. I know. And I am willing to step down and let you and Jean be the family she deserves , for her sake. I know what it’s like not to have a family. I know what that does to a child.” Scott stated
Logan looked at Scott’s face and saw he was censear in his words.
“You aint gotta do that Slim. Jean made her choice. She chose you. It wouldn’t work between us. I aint gonna settle for half a woman. I want all of her or none. You’re the one who has all of her, you’re the one she should be with. That’s just the way it is.” Logan finished