Out of the Mouths of BabesSeveral years ago, before Kelly and I were married, I dated a divorced man who had a young son of about 4 years’ age. He was a very intelligent boy, and tremendously creative. He had also mastered the Little White Lie, as we grownups use it in order to protect a loved-one’s feelings.His dad had mentioned to me that both he and his son loved fried chicken, so I invited them over for fried chicken on the next Saturday.Come “chicken day”, I knew they hadn’t been lying because they’d smacked their lips and run their teeth over every inch of it.A couple of days later, the child’s father came by. “You have to hear this one,” he told me.He’d returned his son to the mother on Sunday evening, as always, and she’s asked the little guy if he had fun with his dad. He said, yes, he had! She asked what he’d had to eat, knowing his dad’s fascination with fast food, and he blurted out that “Dandy made us fried chicken!”“Oh, she did, did she?” said the mom. “Well, was it as good as mine?”Realizing he’d almost made a slip-up, the little guy came out with the best story he could think of at the time, saying, “Well, it wasn’t regular fried chicken.”Asking what he meant by that, his reply made her run to the phone and ask his dad if they’d had “anything funny” to eat at Dandy’s house.Recounting this to me, he kind of scratched his head like guys do, then smoothed his hair down and wiped the corners of his eyes- he’d become quietly hysterical. When he regained some control, he said, “I told her it was just regular fried chicken.”“Nothing, um odd about it?”“Nope.”“You’re sure?”“Just exactly what did he say that Dandy fed us, then?” — “She was laughing by the end of the phone call,” he assured me.“So, what did he say I cooked for you two?” I asked as I drilled him with my eyes.He blushed,, wiped his eyes again, bent over and choked out: “He told his mom that all you fried up was assholes and eyeballs.”
A very true story
® Dayonda 16 June 2009
I collect stories, always ones I’ve heard or experienced myself, or that were told to me as true.
This one I had nearly gotten clobbered by!
Howling Humor: One clever little boy tells an amazing fib about my fried chicken so as not to hurt his mom’s feelings. But it’s just not what you would expect to come ‘Out of the Mouths of Babes’!