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Wow.

What a year ’twas 2011. Amazing highs… painful lows.
And now in 2012? Only the good Lord knows.

I have been blessed over the past many months to have been
allowed to grow stronger as a person. Strength has come from
realizing how deep some of my capacities really are, especially
when it comes to love. The complex state of being known as
love can bring amazing experiences as well as painful
existences. Which is where I find myself today… on the back-
end of love. And since this is an impromptu post via QuickPress,
I am unsure of where to go from here as relates to what I’m
saying.

My most important thoughts right now are strength,
hope, faith, growth, compassion, emptiness (as in the hard to
grasp Buddhist concept of emptiness), perseverance and self-
preservation, and of course *love *. And what a love it was
(passionate too!) , and no doubt still is – minus the act of
passion. Even though I cannot be with the one that I love
anymore, I shall treasure the time that we were together and
honor the growth that I have been allowed as a result of being
with such an amazing individual.

As a Christian-Buddhist , I know that though all things are
transient, they always remain the same. 1 Cor 13 (NKJV)
declares a treatise of love, and I would never have imagined
that I would be able to experience so many of those qualities
that I most certainly have. The mere fact that one relationship
has shown me such excellence is miraculous in itself. Though
the relationship has come to an end, I have hope and faith that
when the time is right I might be able to give (and receive) the
same powerful (if not stronger) love that I have experienced
over much of 2011.

With my current desire for healthy mindsets, I feel not grief but
yet joy that my life was allowed to become enriched as a result
of having been in that relationship. Of course there is sadness
and longing, but the Samsaric process of attachment would
only further (and deepen) suffering. That I must remember. As
well as such, I must consider the seeming-phenomenon that I
was able to enrich the life of another… was able to brighten
another’s life, eyes, spirit, mind , heart and soul. Those truths I
should keep in my heart because of my inferior quality of
keeping a low self- esteem and always being quick to
downgrade my actions/abilities/ accomplishments. However, I
do not wish for my soul seeds to be in vain. I feel deep concern
for the one that I was with and the path that she will take after
we go our ways. I will never allow the ways that her soul
moved mine to be lost on me, no. My wish is for her to feel the
same and to grow stronger after our separation of being.
Though it was a very (verry ) complicated relationship, my wish
is for the continual seek of bright happiness (for both of us)…
even if it must be experienced as separated halves of one
whole.

Wow. What a healing that turned out to be. I never imagined
for this post to morph into was it essentially has.
Writing is so very healing – a healing that is priceless – a
healing that should be encouraged and exercised. But gosh do
I still love her… and that is one promise that could never
change.

Comments

  • Aritheeagle
    Aritheeagleover 2 years ago

    Love your journey and so appreciate the sharing! Well done and we are walking the walk individually as well collectively!

  • Thank you Ari, your comment is much appreciated. It was an amazing journey, and I agree with you that “we are walking the walk individually as well as collectively”. But it hurts having had to make the unwanted decision to leave the one that I love and want to be with – and it hurts doubly so when it hurts the other. Its not for us to when our sorrows might be allowed to blossom into joys, so I am keeping in my heart the joys that I was allowed to experience… even though it did turn into something similar to sorrow. But! It is hope and faith that I seek so that my abilities to love are always on ready-reserve. Thank you again Ari… its been a while.

    – dasSuiGeneris

  • Aritheeagle
    Aritheeagleover 2 years ago

    Sorrow,pain,distress, anguish …. frustration and eventually despair …. but what stays with one is the thought that whatever one did and whatever one gave was pure … was honest …. was straight from the heart! In spite of the premise that you gave all …. maybe it was necessary to allow this decision to guide you. further into your understanding….. and you have like all men … allowed the beuty of what you shared tyo remain …. not as an element of pain but as an element of honest truth ….. that you are actually worthwhile …. actually so capable of loving and giving back,,,, and that you will find the one person that will speak and sing with your breath. Walk alongside this realization and you will have good reason to smile. I aslways say ….. the healing gives back so much to start all over with. Wishing you the very best always!

    ~Ari

  • Aritheeagle
    Aritheeagleover 2 years ago

    Please understand my expression "and you have like all men … " to mean …. you have like everyone else. It was not meant as a discriminatory statement at all!

    ;-))

    ~Ari