My Christmas Rant
In all honesty, I love this season but every once in a rare moment the pressure gets to me and I lose it. So, I thought instead of being grumpy and miserable, I’d have a little fun with myself and put my feelings of panic into words. I hope you get a little laugh out of this and I’m sure some of you will be nodding your head in mutual understanding.
Happy Holidays!!!!
My Christmas Rant belongs to the following groups:
Humour CapturedWell, let me tell you a little story about my Christmas preparations….
It all started January of 2007 (yes, almost a year ago now). I thought I was pretty smart and started Christmas shopping “oh so early” so I could relax during this holiday season (I always live in a dream world). Of course, all year long I’ve been bragging to everyone that would listen about how early I started shopping and how I can relax this year while they are all out battling the masses (boy did that come back to bite me on the rear!)
Well, I started out buying my 14 year old Niece a pair of slippers (adorable teddy bear ones with faces). Oh BOY she would love these! Well, there I was this Halloween dressing up in PJ’s in the office with nothing for my feet…you guessed it, there went her slippers (hey, I needed SOMETHING for my feet). Besides, I had decided the slippers would just get eaten by the dog and that would be a waste, right?
So, in January I was off to a good start. I, in my dream world, thought things were running smoothly (it didn’t even occur to me at Halloween when I stole my Nieces slippers that I was down to only one present in advance). And in case you’re wondering, no, I did not buy anything between January and Halloween. In my usual way, I got all revved up about shopping early but it quickly bored me and I moved on to other things (I can’t even say bigger and better here, just “things”).
So, I started a couple weeks ago into my yearly “OMG there’s no time left and I’ve got so much to do” panic attack. You see, I buy my Mothers gifts for Dad, Dad’s gifts for Mom, my gifts for everyone AND my Hunny, our gifts for my Mother-in-Law, and fill stockings for 4 of the people listed above (all of which have to be wrapped, even the stocking stuffers). I also decorate two houses, do baking, cleaning (I don’t know WHY you can’t put decorations on a dirty house) and all of the other many little tasks that come during the holiday season.
Eureka! I had a brain storm last week, I thought I’d make life a little easier and order gifts from the internet (hell’oooo saves me shopping time). Well, that sounded good in theory but now they won’t be here on time. So although I had my Niece finished in January, now she will have to wait for hers (funny how that worked huh?)
Now there are two weeks left, my patience is GONE and my nerves have left me to fend for myself (bastards!) I have not completed any of the above listed chores, and quite frankly am getting too cranky to care!
So, are you feeling sorry for me yet or are you thinking suck it up princess, stop your whining, and get your rear in gear???
Ok ok, the good news is…. Just like every other year, I will get through it (even though every year I get done wrapping around 2 am on Dec. 24th) and will have a very happy Dec. 25th with family and friends. Everyone will love their gifts, the food will be delicious, the house will sparkle (as will I with a few well deserved drinks) and everything will be merry and festive! (I won’t even start on how this is all for one day and then everything has to be put away, the decorations have to come down, and the houses cleaned again…)
So, the question is did I learn? Oh yes, of COURSE I did! I’m starting in January this year and I’ll be ready early. I’m not going through this again next year…..
Happy Holidays to all of you and your loved ones!!!
jodeenmartinez
What a great read!! I’m still laughing because I haven’t done a thing yet…just like last year…and maybe next year will be different, but I doubt it.
Russell Fry
lol, sounds very familiar!
jack01
its like a few other people i know (me) also .great true story . Merry christmas Darlene and to your family
elisab
Doesn’t it sound funny that we all do the same thing year after year!!
KatsEye
Ha ha ha ha ha I can’t stop laughing. I know how it goes. You will get through it just like the past years. Christmas tho is about Christ and for late presents, well, you heart was there. You and yours have a Very Merrry Christmas. Kathy
mcrowleyphoto
Well next december will we get another oof these rants!!! Just remember this is what we all do. It sounds like you still have your sense of humor though. Have a great christmas!!
lareejc
hey Darlene – I know it’s August here in Oregon right now, but I just read your hilarious Christmas Rant and I LOVE IT! It’s amazing how familiar your story sounds to mine! And you know what? I’ve kept saying in Jan, Feb, Mar, Apr, May, Jun and July that I’m going to start X-MAS shopping early but I haven’t one gift purchased yet! Hop harvest will start in 2 weeks and I’ll be working 7 days a week for atleast 30 days; after that then we have all the paper work to get sorted because for some strange reason these hop growers think they need to be paid for putting us hops brokers through all those long, sleepless hours!!! so that takes care of October. Then comes November – well MAYBE I’ll get some X-MAS cards out THIS year – after all it’s been 15 years since I’ve sent any out! and then I’d better get the shopping done for thanksgiving and the house cleaned and the pies baked, dinner rolls made and turkey out to thaw – well there goes shopping for X-MAS till I get rested up! And then we have to order all the ingredients for fudge making. We make fudge for all the Oregon and Idaho hop growers; our New York office and the Yakima office – friends and relatives scattered abou the country etc. That takes up 2 to 3 weeks of litteral RUNNING from the stove to the table to the frig and the packaging of the fudge…oh and then I am supposed to have the house nice and clean, the tree decorated (by myself since my husband isn’t into that sort of things anymore since our kids have grown up and live on their own) – what’s Christmas w/o a tree??? then there’s the cooking and all the baking – WHAT? you say PRESENTS? ok – it’s Christmas eve and I’m out at the only store that stays open later than 10:00 p.m.; and then ofcoarse these precious gifts have to be wrapped before 7:00 a.m. when the kids all come over for homemade cinnamon rolls and gifts!!!! No wonder, I look like an old lady!!!!!!!! I HEAR YA HONEY – ALL THE WAYYYYY :))
Darlene Marrya... replied
That was halarious! Thanks SO much for the giggle! I started laughing as soon as I read about getting out the Christmas cards. I have bought new and cute cards for at least the last three years and never sent out a single one yet…I wonder if I ever will? LOL
I have thought about tweaking my Christmas Rant a little and sending it out to a few magazines around Christmas and see if I can get it in print. I have never done anything like that before and thought it might be fun.
I must say though this year I haven’t put myself through the early shopping, and haven’t really worried about it. I have other major troubles trying to plan a wedding!! Our wedding is a month away and I still don’t even have anything to wear, no flowers organized, etc, etc… I have been thinking about writing a Wedding rant so keep your eyes open for that!
Thanks SO much for all of your comments and thanks again for reading Christmas Rant and giving me a laugh! I figured a lot of women would get a kick out of my rant because they would be nodding their head in complete understanding. It helps to know we are not alone! :)