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Red faced moments

Most embarrassing moments are caused by our own stupidity. And I am a past master at it.

I recall living in London in 1973, and suffering from a severe case of diarrhea. After a day at home and either sitting on the throne or rushing to it, I went, in utter despair, to the local chemist.

There were about ten other customers at the counter when I entered the pharmacy, and I was too embarrassed to publicly admit I had a violent attack of the shits.

So I waited until the shop emptied.

As I stood alone at the counter and informed the chemist I wanted something for severe diarrhea, what seemed like an endless stream of customers magically appeared.

“You have diarrhea?", said the chemist, whose booming voice was like a foghorn….and everyone stared at me…

Now, you have to understand that chemist shops in London also sell medicines for pets.

I turned scarlet…desperately looked around the shop seeking escape, and saw bottles of pills for dogs…and I replied: “It’s not for me….it’s for my dog…”

The chemist said in his bloody loud voice: “Your dog has diarrhea?”

All the people grinned wildly as the chemist said : “what sort of dog? Big or small?”

Of course, I had no dog…so I stammered: “He is a mid sized dog.”

“Oh, said the chemist, “We have special pills for dogs”.

Inwardly I groaned, and said: "My dog has had the shits before…. (by this time I couldn’t bring myself to say diarrhea again). “…and I have always given him what I take…”

“That’s odd,” said the chemist, as the other customers stifled their giggles.

Anyway….to cut a long story short…he sold me some stuff anyway…and I raced out of the shop.

I went back to the chemist about 12 months later, the bloody pharmacist recognised me.

The shop was again full of people, and as he saw me he called across their heads: “has your dog got diarrhea again?”

I had a momentary lapse of concentration and spluttered in total confusion: "I don’t have a dog.”

Then I remembered my previous embarrassing moment. But it was too late.

The chemist leered triumphantly, and said: “I always knew the pills were for you!”

Mind you, some fairly minor medical conditions can also cause super sized embarrassments.

Many years ago I was holidaying on the Greek island of Skiathos with my wife. We were staying in a upstairs bedroom we had rented in a private home. My girlfriend was suffering from a 24-hour stomach illness, and spent most of the first night throwing up into a bucket.

The next morning our hostess, who spoke no English entered the room after we had showered and dressed.

We had side-by-side single beds, and she sat on one, and we on the other; facing each other.

She jabbered at us in Greek, and we jabbered back in English. She hadn’t the foggiest idea of what we were saying, and we were just as oblivious to her chit chat, so the three of us simply smiled and nodded a lot, and every so often muttered “yes”.

At one point my wife tried to explained she had been ill during the night, and feigned pain as she rubbed her stomach. The Greek woman grinned delightedly, nodded knowingly, and left.

About five minutes later, my wife and I, needing some fresh air, stepped out onto the small balcony off our bedroom, and were greeted by what seemed like thunderous applause.

Below us were about 30 Greek women all beaming happily and applauding madly with more than a little enthusiasm.

My wife looked suitably confused.

I chuckled as I instantly remembered her rubbing her stomach and whispered:

“They all think you have just discovered you are pregnant,” I told her gleefully.

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Most embarrassing moments are caused by our own stupidity. And I am a past master at it.

I recall living in London in 1973, and suffering from a severe case of diarrhea. After a day at home and either sitting on the throne or rushing to it, I went, in utter despair, to the local chemist.

Tags

diarrhea, london, medicine, illness, embarrassment, chemist, shits

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