The Witness (Flash Fiction Comp May)
The witness sat on the courthouse steps. Shaking, he was overcome by the terror of that day. He’d lost everything since that day, his name, friends and family. How could he keep relationships going when the police were at his house every day?
He couldn’t cope, it had to be over and finished with now. The media were taking bets on how long the case was going to last. He couldn’t risk it lasting the long winter months the journalists claimed. He needed his life back.
As the police convoy arrived on the concourse he struggled to find his feet, his heart trying to pound through his chest. As he reached inside his pocket he felt the cold metal of his freedom. The move to reveal the gun was swift and no one had a chance to react as he pulled the trigger.
Comments
At first I thought suicide, but when reading it through, some things are left open….but I was wondering as a witness…how come he is such a focus of attention…that would probably determine what cource of action he would take..
Thanks for you comments, yes you are right about why the witness was so high profile. If I’m honest I didn’t really give that much consideration when writing it, a bit of an oversight really, given how important it is to the outcome!!!
– danpatmore
Very powerful! I agree with JC, and I think it is the perfect ending, leading the reader to decide and contemplate for themselves. Brilliant work
But it is still powerful because of what you have left to our imagination, which of course if it is like mine, can think up some faily wicked schemes…..hehe
I read it a couple of times and think it’s intriguing. I do want to know what he witnessed! : )
This piece is a good read! There a few, minor grammatical errors, but other than that it is a very symbolic piece! You have a very good line in your last paragraph that was an excellent metaphor: “the cold metal of his freedom” Great one! You might want to check the first line of your story because it reads like a sentence fragment. But, great job!
hey thanks for your comments. I haven’t re-read this piece in a week and your comment made me spot a couple of errors in it (that’s teach me for snatching minutes at work) as well as the problem with the first sentence. Mind obviously working in two different directions! (as usual!)
– danpatmore