RB Profile The STRINGER Interview
The long awaited Red Bubble Profile on Ivan Stringer
This story incorporates many facts about Stringer
Stringer has been more than generous in his answers, time and photos he has supplied for this story.
I’ll put it on record; there is no colder, wetter or windier place on this planet like Queenstown Tasmania. It only stops raining long enough so the hail can take over.
After my last interview / disaster with Kathleen, I was certain Red Bubble would give my details out to the two psychopathic madmen that had been stalking me since the incident I now like to refer as “the flaming, but it was not to be. The Kathleen incident had generated a lot of interest in Red Bubble as the readers of the newspaper reports wanted to know why the crazy woman was so infatuated with a web page. Red Bubble managed to raise its membership by another ten percent, of what I like to call its “core audience”
The Editor who was just glad that something had been salvaged from the whole debacle was still pissed off at me. When he tried to blackmail me by revealing my whereabouts to the psycho twins, I informed him I ‘d moved and he could get stuffed.
Next thing I know I woke up on a small charter plane flying over the ocean.
My head was sore but other than that I didn’t seem damaged; there was a manila folder on my lap.
“I was told if yous woke you had to read that”
I turned and saw a toothless old man sitting adjacent me.
“What?” I said
“The ones who strapped yous in the chair, told me to tell ya that yous had to read it”
He nodded his head as he had got his instructions right and went back to playing with a Rubics cube.
I opened the folder, inside was a Red Bubble letterhead. It read:
Hey arsehole, you owe me. Don’t think a little thing like moving is going to stop you from paying back what you owe.
“What I owe?” I said a bit too loud. The old man ignored me and kept playing with his cube which I now noticed had six sides all the same colour. I continued reading.
I need you to interview someone who is generating too much interest and we want you to hunt him down. Do this and I’ll give you your privileges back.
“what privileges?” I cried The last thing I read was: I ‘m sending you to interview STRINGER .
Apparently- later according to the old man- I fainted.
I was woken by someone slapping my face, it was the pilot- we must’ve landed. The old man was joining in for the fun of it.
“Get off me I’m awake” I yelled and pushed them away. “Where am I?”
The Pilot fixed me with a hardened stare “You’re in Queenstown Tasmania son, welcome to Hell”
He turned and walked away, the old man followed him, he had my folder.
“Hey give that back” I called
“Why, aint nothin’ in it” the old man turned and said.
“Where are the papers?”
“I ates them, no food service on this flight” and he fled.
Great I thought now what do I do. I’ll be the first to admit that a huge wave of relief washed over me, if I had no road map to STRINGER how would I find him.
Just as I thought I was in a better place mentally the old man shoved his head through the door.
“Hey boy, it don’t mean much to me but they says if you thought about bailing, to tells ya that they don’t care where you live, they don’t expect you to come back. anyway ha ha”
Great, I got off the plane and was body smacked with a force ten gale. It took me five minutes to walk the fifty metres across the tarmac to the shed that served as a terminal. Queenstown Airport consisted of a vandalized tin shed with one toilet, a rainwater tank , no windows and is cement sheet lined with holes punched everywhere. I sat in the waiting room feeling sorry for myself, when a surge of anger hit me like a slap. I was going to get this interview with STRINGER and prove them I can get the job done.
Yes Me……… and my total misconception of reality.
The Airport; much to my dismay was up on the plains on the rim of the valley, so the only way into town was to walk down the side of a mountain. I involuntarily did it the easy way by tripping and sliding most of the way on my arse occasionally slowing down after whacking into a small tree or rock on the way down.
I had managed to slide quite close to the main road.
I watched the torrent that is the Queen River gushing along, it had the same kind of brown colour the Yarra river back home has but somehow …thicker..I watched as an unsuspecting duck landed on its waters only for it to take off immediately its tail feathers smoking.
By now it was nearly noon the rain and wind were still proving global warming a myth so I crossed the bridge into town and then waited in a bus shelter.
After a while the wind and rain eased slightly, so I made it out onto the streets of Queenstown.
Everyone was rugged up against the bitter cold and walked with their head down.
I enquired with several people if they had heard of STRINGER? But everyone I asked firstly looked at me as if I had asked to rape their dog then either ran away , cried or tried to hit me.
I did this for most of the day when I decided to give up and look for a place to stay, hopefully Queenstown had a homeless shelter or some other cheap accommodation.
I found a phone booth outside a group of shops and was just about to scan through the local directory when a van came to a screeching halt in front of me. The side door slid open and two people with balaclavas grabbed me put a bag over my head and threw me inside.
I landed on what I assumed was a mattress and if I wasn’t so wet I would have been quite comfortable.
“What’s going on? I asked from my bag not sure if anyone was in there with me.
“You’re the guy from Red Bubble, right?” it was a female voice.
I have learnt from previous experiences that this is not an easy question to answer. One yes or no to the wrong people can mean pain. I decided it was only going to get weirder so I replied. “What if I said yes?”
I flinched expecting a hard smack.
“Good, we got the right guy” She said to her accomplice. “No need to panic, the boss wants to see you, we just can’t let you know where you’re going that’s all”
“Who’s the boss?” I asked
“Stringer of course”
We only drove for about 20 minutes when came to stop and was helped out of the van, the sack was pulled off my head. I was standing in the driveway of a rather well maintain garden that surrounded a Georgian Mansion.
There in front of me holding his hand out in welcome was a shaggy haired man dressed in a flannel shirt.
“Hi Cuz, glad you could make it I’m Stringer and you’re not” He shook my hand and smacked me on the back. “Love your stuff, I was hoping they’d send you”
“Thanks, I suppose” I said marvelling at the surrounds “Wow this is fantastic”
“Yeah, it’s amazing what riches extreme talent and gullible patrons will bring you”
“Why did you kidnap me like that?” I asked
“Stop right there cuz.” Stringer put his hand up to my face “You’re famous for not interviewing, right?”
“Ahhh, yeah but it’s it isn’t usually my fault” I stumbled with the truth in answering.
“Well let’s keep your record intact, you’re not here to ask questions you’re here to observe” He flicked his shaggy hairdo out of his eyes and as he did he smiled.
“Life’s a buzz in God’s country cuz”
I think I might like this observation.
I wanted to know more so I thought about what I needed to say and how to phrase it.
“They’re sure scared of you in town I nearly got beat up mentioning your name” I said
“Yeah, that’s the water not me, if you had of asked any of ‘em if they knew where Lady Di was , they’d do the same thing. The Mines have fucked this place. The people have been drinking the water all there lives and now the whole area’s insane”
“That explains a lot” I said “I saw a duck’s bum nearly catch fire”
“Even the animals are dumb, but not me Matey, my mum raised me on breast milk and bottled water from the mainland till I was twenty”
I must’ve given him a disgusted look.
“She didn’t breast feed me till I was twenty you sick prick, that’s when I left to go to Art School over the other end of the island.” He seemed amused “OK lets have some fun in your new capacity of official Stringer observer”
Stringer led me into the house and I gave me a tour
“Remember cuz, no questions” he reminded me.
The tour was fascinating, Stringer had spent his untold wealth on beautiful works of art from all over the world, his library was a sanctuary of information which included first edition works from Philosophers like Descartes, Hegle and Nietzsche to the 19th Century novelists like Verne, Conan Doyle and Wilde. Not to mention wonderful text books covering diverse subjects as religion, quantum physics , alchemy and business ethics. The entire place was decorated in period furniture.
“Here Matey I’ll show you my gallery”
Stringer led me through large doors that led into an annexe. The walls were covered with his paintings, there was no ceiling, the roof had been removed. Stringer noticed me staring at the drizzle pouring onto the mosaic tiled floor.
“It used to be the sun room, then I realised it can’t be a sun room if you can’t feel or see the fucking sun, hey. So I pulled it off. It was only then that I realised the sun don’t shine here that often anyway.”
He thought about that for a second then continued” Anyhow, it’s how I like people to see my art, in natural light. Come on let’s do some more observing Matey”
He led me outside and joined up with my two kidnappers who were waiting in a sedan a delivery truck was parked behind them
We walked over to the three tonne truck
“Get in” he said “we’re off to make some art”
We drove up the road for about one hundred metres and the trees opened up onto a glorious panorama of nature. I missed this as I had been unconscious for most of the flight and had my head covered for the trip up here. I had missed the beauty that was this part of the world.
“Sure is a lovely part of world, hey Matey” Said Stringer as we drove on.
I didn’t reply I just soaked up the views.
We pulled over to a siding that exposed a beautiful vista, it was quite high up and the edge was a sheer drop into the valley.
“Just wait a second cuz, enjoy the view” Stringer jumped out of the cabin.
Over across the valley was another lookout point within minutes two tour buses had pulled up and elderly people spilt out to catch the wonderful views.
“Hey Bubble boy, time to observe”
Stringer was calling me from the back of the truck.
Stringer had opened up the rear doors and stepped aside to show me what he had inside.
It was packed full of all types of electrical appliances and white goods.
“Time to make art Matey, this is gonna be pissfuckenfunny cuz”
He and his two assistants then proceeded to throw the appliances over the edge of the cliff in full view of all the elderly tourists.
As they did Stringer screamed at the top of his voice
“WE WANT THE WORLD AND WE WANT IT NOW …….now NAAAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOWAAAOOOOOOOOOLLLLWWWWW!
Sometimes he would hurl the appliance as far as he could then stand at the cliff edge screaming “AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGHHH!!”
or the classic
“GOOBGOOBBAJOOOOOOOOOOOOB!
The look on the faces of the old people was priceless. I couldn’t tell if it was desecration of the wildness or the waste of perfectly good white goods that was upsetting them more. Here are all these people who are going to go home with pictures of this wild haired crazy guy in the middle of nowhere throwing irons and microwaves over a cliff whilst swearing at them and ruining their nature shots.
I was loving it.
This was art.
We did this at several other points along the tourist road to much the same effect, I even joined in by throwing a couple of kettles into a gully accusing them of global warming. It was quite a lot of fun. When we had emptied the van, we called it a day and headed back to the mansion.
On the trip back Stringer insisted I learn the Geelong Footy club song (I’m a Sainters supporter myself) which got a bit tedious after about an hour.
When we arrived back dinner was already prepared for us in main hall. We sat down and started eating straight away, a lovely roast lamb and vegies. My first real home cooked meal in ages. Still wary that I wasn’t allowed to ask questions I brought attention to the different awards hanging on the walls.
“Seems to be a lot of awards in this room with your name on them Stringer, I wish I won something when I was at school”
“Well spotted Pilgrim, that’s our next little game before bed time” he replied.
After dinner we were seated around the table with Port and a cigar when Stringer stood up and started to take the awards off the wall.
“Bring those with you and come outside” He said, so I grabbed our drinks and smokes and followed him out to the driveway.
His two assistants had rigged up a trap for skeet shooting. Stinger gave me the framed awards and told me to pass them to one of the assistants. As I handed them on I read what they were presented for.
Peter Dombrovskis Wilderness Photography award 2004
John Glover Prize for Landscape Painting Finalist 2004 and 2007
Masters Degree Tasmania University
Each was set on the trap and as Stringer yelled “Pull” he’d blow them to pieces with a shot gun.
“Wanna go cuz?” he asked
“Shit yeah” I replied, I got the pleasure of blowing the hell out of Stringers Certificate of Display from the Ian Potter Gallery.
“You havin’ fun yet or what cuz?” Stringer asked
“You bet, can I live here” I asked
“No Matey, time to go home”
Next thing I knew I woke up buckled up in a seat in an aeroplane again. This time it was bigger and had stewardess’, I looked down I had a folder on my lap.
Inside were pictures of Stringer throwing appliances off the cliff, it made me smile.
“Oh your awake, good” said a voice to my left. Across from me was a little old lady reading a magazine.
“Pardon?” I asked
“The people who put on the plane asked me to tell you “you were a good observer” and “enjoy the flight” OK” she smiled
“Thanks, that was kind of you to remember” I said
“Oh they gave me $50 to remember” and she went back to her reading.
When we landed at Melbourne it was nearly noon I’d been out for 12 hours before I woke up on the plane.
I decided to go straight home, stuff Red Bubble I’d surprise them with my survival later.
I made it home without incident and when I opened the door to my flat I was greeted by a room full of new appliances. Dishwasher, Washing Machine, Microwaves and Toaster Ovens. A note was pinned to door.
THANKS FOR THE MAMMERIES
it was signed Stringer.
It was all new and worth a fortune. Good Ol’ Stringer.
I was making myself a cup of tea staring out the window just reminiscing about the change of views when a young lad in the alley below started to spray paint the wall opposite. He was just about finished spraying
IS this not ART
in fluorescent green paint, when I picked up a toaster and threw it square in the middle of his head. He went down hard.
“No Matey, that was art” I screamed.
kseriphyn
Whippty Crack! Sorry can’t do the effects as good as the main man Stringer. But I love what I’ve read so far. Will read more tonight when I’m not being bugged by servers going down.
Kates
All those years refusing to visit the west coast… and I still intend to refuse.
Juilee Pryor
wow great interview and good on you for finding the wild taswegian beast in his lair and getting the dirt like. wonderful stuff. go stringer!
ToxtethOGrady
oh boy oh boy oh boy i can’t wait to read this one
Lucan Industri...
This’ll be great, and I haven’t read it yet either.
chanel
Haha, brilliant read and the ending was great, a laugh out loud moment.
Lawford
This is good. Sure you didn’t see Sjem there disguised as STRINGER? Didn’t he just go to Tasmania for a holiday? Is he back? Or did he get hit by flying white goods while trekking in the wild?
kathleen
what a crock of SHIT!!!
If that’s the life of THAT WILD GOAT then I am tinker-bell…
oh la deee da…
you are both FREAKS…
nice read though Dan, your imagination seems to be in OVERLOAD!!!
Darren Stones
Brilliant!
I suspect Stringer will be appearing in Sunbeam TV ads that will rival the popularity of Telstra Bigpond ads in due course.
Too many toasters, in Queenstown.
Ange
what a great bloody read danny.
now where’s stringer…......
sjem ©
Reality and fantasy woven seamlessly together, thats STRINGER in a nutshell, just like this write up. What a great finish also.
Lawford, I suvived Tasmania by avoiding nature all-together. Plus I picked up a nice pair of road kill Tassie Devils, I’ll be using them as shoes once these rabbits are thoroughly worn out.
transmute
This should be in Vanity Fair or GQ, or Appliances Monthly. Brilliant, couldn’t help reading…
Cathleen Taraw...
I have a hanky up to my face to catch the laugh tears and dribble. And I may need to start thinking about incontinence pads. I don’t know who’s the more lovable whackjob; you or Stringer. Please invite me next time. I’ve got a good arm; I can throw stuff.
Danny
Wow
This has been a super response; I always knew Stringer would be a popular interview.
In this piece are a lot of facts about this talented and really funny guy. You’ll find the answers on the web or in Stringers journals.
Kitsmumma
hehehe, it’s in the water….. breast milk and bottled water till he was 20, too funny Danny, this really cracked me up. Great read, well done.
Cathie Tranent
Danny – you win again ….
Stringer ….. ................ ...................... ................. oh what the hell …...........WHIPPETY CRACK!
James Pierce
Danny you know you’re on a winner when you get praised before people read your stories – I’ll confess I got half way through, I’ll come back for a second sitting… Damn internet, destroyed my attention span.
dodgsun
hahahaha…little ripper of a yarn there cuz!! top stuff ;)
Paul Louis Vil...
LOL! Yep, it took me two sittings too!
Loved every word mate! What a character STRINGER is, a unique and quite possibly never to be understood individual… I think he’d like it like that.
.
.
.
whipperty crack!
LittleHelen
Oh Bravo Danny….what a awesome piece of writing! Cheers to you ;)
And Curly what an amazing artist and person ;)...fucking cracking up at the iron plugged into the rock. Ha!
Steve Axford
Good to see you doing something useful, Danny. The hole in the ground that you chucked stuff into is the Iron Blow. an old mine, so not really wilderness, which I’m sure Stringer wouldn’t desecrate with used toasters. Hope you drank lots – supsect you did.
Carmen Cilliers
fuck what a boring load of crap… I had to scroll down to see what everyone else had written so I could stay awake.
LocoDiablo
Yowza!..i like this girl!
Lucindawind
lol too funny .. loved this !
a Whippty Crack for STRINGER
Carmen Cilliers
Hey luce… which bit did you like? I am still trying to recucitate myself to life after dying from boredom!
Lucindawind
I liked the fiction lol
Gregoryno6
You interviewed Stringer? I think GODD will demand equal time!
Lucindawind
hey Carmen .. I think its also because I dont know what the hell you all in Australia are saying a lot of the times because of your english slang words .. I dont know what they mean so it makes funnier for me to read things
Graeme Pettit ...
Great read!
Carmen Cilliers
yezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz great read
H M Bascom
HAHAHA. Awesome.
funkyfacestudio
Fantastic work Danny, I had to read this in one sitting, you captured him perfectly…...very funny visuals too !
Carmen Cilliers
bloody hell is this boring shit still listed in the what’s hot?! (No danny I am not confused)
Paul Tupman
What a great read… and the ending was well worth getting to! Very funny!
Susan Grissom
entertaining read and the photos to go with it. only took me three times to read, but was worth it
tambatoys
hhahahah this is fantastic, what creative minds :) great job
Danny
Thanks everyone , I hope Stringer posts with his good news.
as for Carmen, you were incomprehensible during Steve Axford’s journal now you have confirmed yourself a moron here .
The fact you came back 2 times proves that
Go away.
You make no sense, and have embarrassed yourself.
Your comments aren’t constructive; you just want to be noticed.
I won’t Bmail this because I want everyone to see how much of an idiot I think you are.
Xavier Shay
Ending is particularly good
flower68
Unleash the dogs folks! Carmen I’m with you on this one.I’ve read more interesting stuff on toilet roll packaging. Don’t go ANYWHERE C.C.I for one am loving you.Just as a point of interest, morons crap on about nothing in particular.hmm touche.
LostBoy1
Carmen if fairly new here and does not realise how delicate the politics of popularity works around this joint…and she spoke her mind…KUDOS!
the fact that this piece of writing is based on a redbubble member that also became popular by speaking his mind should be noted.
That James Pierce…commment…yep…he also spoke his mind.
Notice how many of Stringers watchers haven`t commented on this.
You can remove the LostBoy interview I Hate It…i asked you to modify one little thing about it and you ignored me…and i am not the only one.
Your sucking on the tits of the popular with these interviews.
I took you off my watchlist days ago.
Lets face it, if your doing art that no-one else wants to look at….....
It`s constructed perfectly Danny…but the content…it`s for kiddies ain`t it?
kahn was the best alter ego you had…but you fucked that up…
Remove the LostBoy interview please.
I think i am going to throw up….i hope Carmen hangs around….word.
santakaoss
1st RB interview i’ve read…
You’re all a bunch of weirdos…
Love it.
MissKristy
“I enquired with several people if they had heard of STRINGER? But everyone I asked firstly looked at me as if I had asked to rape their dog then either ran away , cried or tried to hit me”
INDEED, an entirely natural reaction, no doubt :)))
What an adventure. Thank you kindly for sharing the madness.
Danny
Thanks MissKristy
Lawford
Danny, Can you tell me how I can learn to take life seriously?
I laughed when I read (in one siting) your STRINGER interview and that seems as though it’s not OK. I was thinking that some people just don’t get it, but maybe it’s me.
Danny
Lawford
I don’t know why this has become a forum for what’s hot or what’s too long or too short or what’s funny, or even suitable adult content.?
But I have been thanked in comments and abused by BMail all morning.
I made a reference earlier to some comments and I could take them off now due to that little delete button I have.
They can stay
And I still stick by my reply to those comments.
I don’t care it’s a big InterWeb,
they can play somewhere else, me likewise
As for Lostboy I have addressed his post and that will stay as well.
I have no ill will toward him
I have removed what he wanted removed.
I’m not going to do one of these gonzo type pieces for a while because it is time consuming and it gives little reward when people can’t read more than 20 lines.
Lawford, you are more than capable of writing these, I seen your stuff and you have a well developed sense of humour, both you and Gregory6 are capable of some weird stories.
I don’t want to be part of this popularity contest anymore
I didn’t choose it
I just wanted to write
I still will but not to scorned by fuckwits who have retarded opinions on whats right, wrong or most disturbing their idea of Reality.
I really should put this in a journal
I think I’ll sit back for a while.
I plan to do profiles on the lesser known wonders on this site and maybe keep my fingers quiet, but that also means I don’t get to praise anyone either.
Oh well
People abuse you until you bite back and when they get the attention they use it too further their own cause by screaming foul.
that happened here.
Except theirs a shit load of Blind Freddies out there.
I need a rest.
I ‘ve done too much too soon.
Lawford
Cool. Take a break and see you when you get back.
banditart
very gonzo treat
Ange
Whoa people! its merely internetland.
Don’t like it big deal…all are entitled to an opinion so go off read something else that may appeal. No need to offend.
Danny ignore & keep on doing what makes you happy.
Ange
Popularity…it doesnt mean anything.
There are far worse matters in life.
LocoDiablo
You have shown your true colours lostboy, now you have to wear it.
You are the asshole of assholes, BURN!!!
LostBoy1
well said…
flower68
Don’t miss tomorrows riveting episode of ‘The Bold and the Bubble’.Moving on now folks…..
GODD
PFFFFFFT….
HUMANS…....
THEY’RE NEVER FUCKING HAPPY.
littleboy
Damn, missed a bumfight.
I might read this when I learn how to.
kathleen
It’s great danny… your work is legendary around here for me and it wouldn’t be redbubble without it.
people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones… I have learned that one over and over and will probably learn it again… but my mother used to say it and it’s as true as hell…
kseriphyn
Was this like a trip of self discovery, expect they only thing learnt was, er, what was it?
Reminds me of those writer movies like Bedazzle where they cheat the devil in the end.
Cool story.
kseriphyn
Kath you snuck it. Yes the piece is a ripper! don’t know what the others were on about. hmm.. my window view is glass…
kseriphyn
pss: sorry for bad engrish. too much sugar today. :0)
kseriphyn
PSS: That means I liked it :0)
Yes, Danny, you have my permission to kill some of my comments. I’m just a nutter :0)
mick8585
mmmmmmmmmmmm Queenstown. The only pub I know that has bat wing doors. a la Gary Cooper.
Damian
Funny stuff Danny, and loved the ending!
ToxtethOGrady
another good read danny
i think Godd has a point
STRINGER
HA HA HAAAAR ….. I CAN COMMENT ON THIS NOW…
THANKS BUDDY IT WAS A GREAT READ!!!
I NEVER LIKE TO BLOW MY OWN TRUMPET… APART FROM WHN I’M BLOWING MY TRUMPET!!!
WHIPPETY KRACK!!!!
Danny
replied
It was a pleasure to work with you and the photos were fucking perfect.
You’re a legend.